Erny in English
" better to have loved and lost than never to have loved...
Love is ubiquitous. Songs and other media tell us that love is a goal worth achieving. People are saying that love is inherently good so we should thrive it. I think that this notion is naive. The citation conveys the impression that people should long for love instead of not loving at all. it even goes further. The saying claims that love itself outweighs the loss of it. The message of this saying is in my opinion misleading. First, love is a narcisisstic force. I think about love as a fixation on a person which is replaceable. After loosing love ,people are searching for love again. The person longs for another object to satisfy the intense urge to reexperience the thrill again. This state of mind is neither good nor bad. But it allows to progress my argumentation. If people love somebody , there will be often the fear of loosing it. When we think about love ,then we also think about loosing " the love of my life". The media contributes to this notion by singing about their "loved" person who left them. In Addition, nearly every soap-opera ,for instance Greys Anatomy, creates their "thrilling" storyline with "failed love". We are all the time confronted with love in its negation (lack of love). People want love and are searching for it. When they find it, they want to perpetuate it. Therefore people who have loved, are stuck in a perpetuating circle. They want to replicate the same conditions when they first felt this feeling/ met the object of love. People who never loved are not in a perpetuating circle. They stand outside thus they can observe the lovers from a different point of view. The saying implies that love can be lost. But should an "intimate" relationship be a fleeting one ? Loosing someone means that a person or both come to the conclusion that the condition where they are now does not correspond with the situation while they had met each other. We can say that this love is embedded in (unconcious) narcisissitic conditions ("Fulfill me !"). If the conditions are not fulfilled , the relationship is "lost" In my opinion it is not a kind of love that I want. For me, people who are outside of this perpetuating circle have a higher chance having a relationship which fulfills more and is sustainable. For people inside ,it is more difficult. The aim in my opinion should be finding "agape". Agape is a kind of love which is not narcisissitic. It is love that does not want something from the other person. It is unconditional love. This love is an ideal and it is questionable if somebody can attain it completely. Though the saying implies another type of love which is called "eros". It is passion ( In german we would say: "Leidenschaft ,die Leiden schafft"= passion which creates suffering) , it is a fleeting feeling. Sometimes agape and eros are mixed so it is difficult to differenciate. A person who observes love from the outside does not confuse easily agape with eros like other people. Maybe, they do not experience the bitter sweet feeling of eros but they have a wider scope of thinking how they can attain a higher level of "forever lasting love" which the media tries to recreate unsuccsessfully.
3 min read