today
Do strangers ever make you feel paranoid?
Two years ago, my boyfriend and I moved in together. It was a completely new city for me, and I didn’t know anyone there. Honestly, I’m introverted by nature, which is why I don’t have many friends, and I’m also pretty bad at reading people.
There’s a supermarket near our apartment, and there’s a girl who works at the checkout counter who seems really suspicious to me. Every time I go there, I feel her unfriendly gaze, and something odd always happens when she’s serving me. For example, she ignored me when I asked for a bag three times in a row. Another time, she gave me a torn bill as change. And once, she took a break right after I walked up to her counter. I had never experienced anything like that in my hometown.
Is it all just a coincidence, or is she doing it on purpose? Who knows…
Honestly, I’m introverted by nature, which is whyand I don’t have manya lot of friends, and. I’m also pretty bad at reading people.
a lot of friends = sounds better and more fluid
Need to separate the clauses since they are 2 different topics.
There’s a supermarket near our apartment, and there’s a girl who works at the checkout counter who seems really suspicious to me.
repetitive "there's".
can omit "to me" since "seems" already implies you have an opinion of her.
Every time I go there, I feel her unfriendly gaze, and something odd always happens when she’s serving me.
"there" is repetitive. It already exists in the previous sentences.
For example, she ignored me when I asked for a bag three times in a rowrepeatedly.
better to just add an adverb
And once,There was also another time when she took a break right after I walked up to her counter.
Don't start sentences with connectors "and", "but" etc.
Feedback
Writing could be improved if there was more explanation in the same sentence to sound smoother but this is great. Keep it up. Next time, you could try describing in the same sentence and add more description of "why". The transition to the next subject feels rushed and abrupt.
Ex.:
Two years ago, my boyfriend and I moved in together in a completely new city where didn't know anyone.
1. Add a phrase why you moved to a new city.
2. How did it make you feel when you moved? You can then connect the follow sentence.
I'm introverted by nature and don't have a lot of friends, I struggle at reading people.
Do strangers ever make you feel paranoid?
Two years ago, my boyfriend and I moved in together.
It was a completely new city for me, and I didn’t know anyone there.
Honestly, I’m introverted by nature, which is why I don’t have many friends, and I’m also pretty bad at reading people.
There’s a supermarket near our apartment, and there’s a girl who works at the checkout count that has a cashier who seems really suspicious to me.
Nothing wrong with the sentence but I am noticing that you are using the word "and" too much.
Also, girl who works at the checkout counter = cashier
Every time I go there, I can feel her unfriendly gaze, and something odd always happens whenthere's always something every time she’s servinges me.
Something odd kind of insinuates "peculiar" instead of a negative experience.
I think "There's always something" is kind of a familiar expression, this is what I would have said if I was expressing the same sentence so take it as you may.
For example, she ignored me when I asked for a bag three times in a row.
Another time, she gave me a torn bill as change.
And once, she took a break right after I walked up to her counter.
I had never experienced anything like that in my hometown.
Not sure why but had doesn't sound right to me here.
Feedback
Very well done, only minor corrections.
After the "for example ..." part you could have kept them as separate clauses in the same sentence with commas I believe.
In general, I'd recommend branching out from the constant usage of "and" to connect to ideas/clauses.
I thought of you and it made me happy
vs
I thought of you, it made me happy
I thought of you which made me happy
When I thought of you, it made me happy
Thoughts of you make me happy
A few times is fine, but if all the sentences are like this then it can get redundant
|
Do strangers ever make you feel paranoid? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Two years ago, my boyfriend and I moved in together. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
It was a completely new city for me, and I didn’t know anyone there. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Honestly, I’m introverted by nature, which is why I don’t have many friends, and I’m also pretty bad at reading people. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Honestly, I’m introverted by nature, a lot of friends = sounds better and more fluid Need to separate the clauses since they are 2 different topics. |
|
There’s a supermarket near our apartment, and there’s a girl who works at the checkout counter who seems really suspicious to me. There’s a supermarket near our apartment Nothing wrong with the sentence but I am noticing that you are using the word "and" too much. Also, girl who works at the checkout counter = cashier There’s a supermarket near our apartment, and repetitive "there's". can omit "to me" since "seems" already implies you have an opinion of her. |
|
Every time I go there, I feel her unfriendly gaze, and something odd always happens when she’s serving me. Every time I go there, I can feel her unfriendly gaze, Something odd kind of insinuates "peculiar" instead of a negative experience. I think "There's always something" is kind of a familiar expression, this is what I would have said if I was expressing the same sentence so take it as you may. Every time I go "there" is repetitive. It already exists in the previous sentences. |
|
For example, she ignored me when I asked for a bag three times in a row. This sentence has been marked as perfect! For example, she ignored me when I asked for a bag better to just add an adverb |
|
Another time, she gave me a torn bill as change. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
And once, she took a break right after I walked up to her counter. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
Don't start sentences with connectors "and", "but" etc. |
|
I had never experienced anything like that in my hometown. I Not sure why but had doesn't sound right to me here. |
|
Is it all just a coincidence, or is she doing it on purpose? |
|
Who knows… |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium