yesterday
I got my usual seat on the plane. This time I sat between man with large laptop and woman with crying baby. Also as a bonus my seat was right in front of kicking toddler. Next eight hours only entertainment that I could do is to watch single film for the fifth time I think this film is provided by every airline. Fortunately I preordered two small meals for this flight and I hope it will make situation better and I will not be hungry at least. As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine some Chinese tourists peered out of the window as me when I saw Kyoto for the first time out of the airplane window. However now even for me this regimented streets seems as very intrsting sight. From this moment I have begun to sink in that I was home. When the doors of the arrivals have opened I was greeted by a sea of smiling faces which quicklly turned back again when realized that I was not their relative. As soon as I came into my apartment I put my dirty clothes in laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard. My journey have finished but I already plan a new one.
Story about arriving home
I got my usual seat on the plane.
This time I sat between a man with large laptop and a woman with crying baby.
Also as a bonus my seat was right in front of kicking toddler.
NFor the next eight hours the only entertainment that I could do ifind was to watch a single film for the fifth time. I think this film is provided by every airline.
Or "my only entertainment was to watch a..."
"could do" sounds weird because you don't say "do entertainment" except in a few contexts, like a comedian saying "I do entertainment for a living"
Fortunately I had pre-ordered two small meals for this flight and I hope, so I was hoping it willould make the situation better and I will nobecause at least I wouldn't be hungry at least.
Yeah, the tenses on this are really tricky... I think this makes it clearer that the hoping happened in the past, and the pre-ordering happened even further in the past.
As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine, some Chinese tourists peered out of the window as me when I saw, the same way as I had [done] when I'd seen Kyoto for the first time out of thefrom an airplane window.
or "just as I had [done]," "just like I had [done]," "the same way I had [done]" are all ok
However now eEven for me thisese regimented streets seemsare still as very intreresting sight.
Using "seem" here is weird because you're actively seeing the sight, so you know whether it's interesting to you or not, there is no conjecture or guesswork involved. If someone were describing to you the view of the streets, you could reply "That seems like an interesting sight." because you haven't seen it yourself to confirm if it's interesting.
"Now even for me" is a little awkward for reasons I can't explain Dx
So I put "still" to convey the "now" feeling
From this moment Iit haved begun to sink in that I was home.
When the doors of the arrivals have doors opened I was greeted by a sea of smiling faces, which quicklly turned back again when they realized that I was not their relative.
"greeted by a sea of smiling faces" gives a great visual!
As soon as I came into my apartment I put my dirty clothes in the laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard.
My journey haved finished, but I'm already planning a new one.
Feedback
Humorously and well-written, gj!
This time I sat between a man with large laptop and a woman with crying baby.
Also, as a bonus, my seat was right in front of kicking toddler.
It's hard to think of a worse situation!
NFor the next eight hours, my only entertainment that I could do iwas to watch a single film for the fifth time. I think this film is provided by every airline.
Fortunately, I preordered two small meals for this flight and. I hoped it willould make the situation better and I willbecause at least I would not be hungry at least.
The grammar is tricky for this sentence because when you preordered, you didn't know you would be in this situation, and you are looking back on the situation when you write about it. I took the liberty of introducing a cause and effect structure in my suggested revision.
As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine, some Chinese tourists peered out of the window as me, just as I did when I saw Kyoto for the first time out of thefrom an airplane window.
Also good: "As the plane approached London,"
Also good "when I saw Kyoto for the first time from the air / from above."
However now even for meEven now, thise regimented streets seemsare as very intreresting sight for me.
You don't need "however" because this sentence doesn't contradict anything you said in the sentence before it.
From this moment I have, it beguan to sink in that I was home.
When the doors of the arrivals havedoors opened, I was greeted by a sea of smiling faces which quicklly turned back again when they realized that I was not their relative.
This sentence could mean that the people turned away from you, so you saw their backs instead of their faces. If you want to describe the smiles disappearing from their faces, you could use the wording @vitasoyboi suggested. A stronger description would be to say their faces "went blank" which means they had no expression.
As soon as I came into my apartment, I put my dirty clothes in laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard.
More idiomatic: "As soon as I entered" or "As soon as I got home."
My journey haved finished, but I'm already planning a new one.
More idiomatic: "My journey was over,"
Feedback
This is a very nice piece of writing with memorable images, humor, a range of emotions, and a complete story line. Well done!
This time I sat between a man with a large laptop and a woman with a crying baby.
Also as a bonus my seat was right in front of a kicking toddler.
NFor the next eight hours my only entertainment that I could do is towas watching a single film for the fifth time. I think this film is provided by every airline.
Fortunately, I preordered two small meals for this flight and. I hope it will make situation better and I willd this would improve the situation and that I would at least not be hungry at least.
As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine, some Chinese tourists peered out of the window as m. This was like when I saw Kyoto for the first time out of the airplane window.
However now even for me thise regimented streets seems as very like an intreresting sight.
From this moment I have, it beguan to sink in that I was home.
When the doors of the arrivals have opened I was greeted by a sea of smiling faces, which quicklly returned back again whento normal when they realized that I was not their relative.
As soon as I came into my apartment I put my dirty clothes in the laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard.
My journey haves finished but I am already planning a new one.
Feedback
Great journal entry! Just look out for your tenses and making sure you use the past tense when talking about the past :)
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Story about arriving home This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I got my usual seat on the plane. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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This time I sat between man with large laptop and woman with crying baby. This time I sat between a man with a large laptop and a woman with a crying baby. This time I sat between a man with large laptop and a woman with crying baby. This time I sat between a man with large laptop and a woman with crying baby. |
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Also as a bonus my seat was right in front of kicking toddler. Also as a bonus my seat was right in front of a kicking toddler. Also, as a bonus, my seat was right in front of kicking toddler. It's hard to think of a worse situation! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Next eight hours only entertainment that I could do is to watch single film for the fifth time I think this film is provided by every airline.
Or "my only entertainment was to watch a..." "could do" sounds weird because you don't say "do entertainment" except in a few contexts, like a comedian saying "I do entertainment for a living" |
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Fortunately I preordered two small meals for this flight and I hope it will make situation better and I will not be hungry at least. Fortunately, I preordered two small meals for this flight Fortunately, I preordered two small meals for this flight The grammar is tricky for this sentence because when you preordered, you didn't know you would be in this situation, and you are looking back on the situation when you write about it. I took the liberty of introducing a cause and effect structure in my suggested revision. Fortunately I had pre-ordered two small meals for this flight Yeah, the tenses on this are really tricky... I think this makes it clearer that the hoping happened in the past, and the pre-ordering happened even further in the past. |
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As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine some Chinese tourists peered out of the window as me when I saw Kyoto for the first time out of the airplane window. As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine, some Chinese tourists peered out of the window As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine, some Chinese tourists peered out of the window Also good: "As the plane approached London," Also good "when I saw Kyoto for the first time from the air / from above." As the plane came in to land over London in the late afternoon sunshine, some Chinese tourists peered out of the window or "just as I had [done]," "just like I had [done]," "the same way I had [done]" are all ok |
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However now even for me this regimented streets seems as very intrsting sight. However now even for me th
You don't need "however" because this sentence doesn't contradict anything you said in the sentence before it.
Using "seem" here is weird because you're actively seeing the sight, so you know whether it's interesting to you or not, there is no conjecture or guesswork involved. If someone were describing to you the view of the streets, you could reply "That seems like an interesting sight." because you haven't seen it yourself to confirm if it's interesting. "Now even for me" is a little awkward for reasons I can't explain Dx So I put "still" to convey the "now" feeling |
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From this moment I have begun to sink in that I was home. From this moment From this moment From this moment |
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When the doors of the arrivals have opened I was greeted by a sea of smiling faces which quicklly turned back again when realized that I was not their relative. When the doors of the arrivals When the This sentence could mean that the people turned away from you, so you saw their backs instead of their faces. If you want to describe the smiles disappearing from their faces, you could use the wording @vitasoyboi suggested. A stronger description would be to say their faces "went blank" which means they had no expression. When the "greeted by a sea of smiling faces" gives a great visual! |
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As soon as I came into my apartment I put my dirty clothes in laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard. As soon as I came into my apartment I put my dirty clothes in the laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard. As soon as I came into my apartment, I put my dirty clothes in laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard. More idiomatic: "As soon as I entered" or "As soon as I got home." As soon as I came into my apartment I put my dirty clothes in the laundry and my trusty backpack in the cupboard. |
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My journey have finished but I already plan a new one. My journey ha My journey ha More idiomatic: "My journey was over," My journey ha |
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