Feb. 22, 2021
Writing Prompt - rough patch in relationship
Rachelle clutched the bouquet of roses in her hand nervously. She had had a heated fight with her boyfriend, Michael, over the phone a few days ago because he has been too busy with work to hang out with her. She had shouted at him, arguing that she felt lonely at home and missed him. Michael tried to explain that his job was important to him, so he can't see her as often. However, Rachelle refused to understand his feelings, and out of anger, said that she doesn't think he loves her anymore. Which wasn't true; Rachelle was just caught up in the moment and didn't think too much about what she had said. But Michael became frustrated and hung up the phone, leaving her in guilt.
After that, Rachelle decided to buy some roses, his favorite flower, and go to his house to hopefully fix things. She stood there, waiting at his doorstep, and taking a deep breath, rung the doorbell. After a few seconds, the door creaked open to reveal Michael in his pajamas.
"Hey..." Rachelle starts, and Michael gives her a puzzled look. "Rachelle? What are you doing here?" He asks. "Well, the truth is... I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I should've tried to understand your situation instead of yelling at you. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me." Rachelle explains, bending over and handing him the roses. Michael slowly takes them and grins. "They're beautiful... thank you so much. And don't worry, I forgive you." He replies and wraps Rachelle in a tight hug.
Writing Prompt - rough patch in relationship
Rachelle clutched the bouquet of roses in her hand nervously.
She had had a heated fight with her boyfriend, Michael, over the phone a few days ago because he hasd been too busy with work to hang out with her.
I fixed the tenses to not conflict.
Or you could use "she had a fight because he was too busy"
She had shouted at him, arguing that she felt lonely at home and missed him.
Michael tried to explain that his job was important to him, so he caouldn't see her as often.
Fix tense
However, Rachelle refused to understand his feelings, and out of anger, said that she doesidn't think he lovesd her anymore.
Fix tense
WThichs wasn't true; Rachelle was just caught up in the moment and didwasn't thinking too much about what she had said.
We wouldn't start a sentence with "Which wasn't"
"Thinking about what she said" is thinking about the words she said in the past or thinking about them as she is saying them.
"Thinking about what she had said" is always thinking about them later, when the words are already in the past.
But Michael became frustrated and hung up the phone, leaving her feeling guilty.
We don't ever say "she is in guilt"
After that, Rachelle decided to buy some roses, his favorite flower, and go to his house to hopefully fix things.
What you wrote is fine, but I offer a version that is a bit smoother, I think:
"... and go to his house hoping to fix things."
She stood there, waiting at his doorstep, and taking a deep breath, ruang the doorbell.
She rings, she rang, she has rung
After a few seconds, the door creaked open to reveal Michael in his pajamas.
"Hey..." Rachelle starts, and Michael gives her a puzzled look.
There is nothing wrong here, but you switched from past to present at this point in the story, which is a bit startling.
But I think it is deliberate, as your paragraph opened with her on the doorstep, so everything up until now is a recap of the past, so I think this works how you have done it.
"Rachelle?
What are you doing here?"
He asks.
"Well, the truth is...
I wanted to apologize for yesterday.
I should've tried to understand your situation instead of yelling at you.
I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."
Rachelle explains, bending over and handing him the roses.
Michael slowly takes them and grins.
"They're beautiful... thank you so much.
And don't worry, I forgive you."
He replies and wraps Rachelle in a tight hug.
|
Writing Prompt - rough patch in relationship This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Rachelle clutched the bouquet of roses in her hand nervously. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She had had a heated fight with her boyfriend, Michael, over the phone a few days ago because he has been too busy with work to hang out with her. She had had a heated fight with her boyfriend, Michael, over the phone a few days ago because he ha I fixed the tenses to not conflict. Or you could use "she had a fight because he was too busy" |
|
She had shouted at him, arguing that she felt lonely at home and missed him. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Michael tried to explain that his job was important to him, so he can't see her as often. Michael tried to explain that his job was important to him, so he c Fix tense |
|
However, Rachelle refused to understand his feelings, and out of anger, said that she doesn't think he loves her anymore. However, Rachelle refused to understand his feelings, and out of anger, said that she d Fix tense |
|
Which wasn't true; Rachelle was just caught up in the moment and didn't think too much about what she had said.
We wouldn't start a sentence with "Which wasn't" "Thinking about what she said" is thinking about the words she said in the past or thinking about them as she is saying them. "Thinking about what she had said" is always thinking about them later, when the words are already in the past. |
|
But Michael became frustrated and hung up the phone, leaving her in guilt. But Michael became frustrated and hung up the phone, leaving her feeling guilty. We don't ever say "she is in guilt" |
|
After that, Rachelle decided to buy some roses, his favorite flower, and go to his house to hopefully fix things. After that, Rachelle decided to buy some roses, his favorite flower, and go to his house to hopefully fix things. What you wrote is fine, but I offer a version that is a bit smoother, I think: "... and go to his house hoping to fix things." |
|
She stood there, waiting at his doorstep, and taking a deep breath, rung the doorbell. She stood there, waiting at his doorstep, and taking a deep breath, r She rings, she rang, she has rung |
|
After a few seconds, the door creaked open to reveal Michael in his pajamas. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
"Hey..." Rachelle starts, and Michael gives her a puzzled look. "Hey..." Rachelle starts, and Michael gives her a puzzled look. There is nothing wrong here, but you switched from past to present at this point in the story, which is a bit startling. But I think it is deliberate, as your paragraph opened with her on the doorstep, so everything up until now is a recap of the past, so I think this works how you have done it. |
|
"Rachelle? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
What are you doing here?" This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He asks. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
"Well, the truth is... This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I wanted to apologize for yesterday. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I should've tried to understand your situation instead of yelling at you. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me." This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Rachelle explains, bending over and handing him the roses. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Michael slowly takes them and grins. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
"They're beautiful... thank you so much. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
And don't worry, I forgive you." This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
He replies and wraps Rachelle in a tight hug. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium