Jack's avatar
Jack

Dec. 27, 2021

2
Writing Practice

Many years ago, children living in the countryside were really bored. They couldn't afford any toys. They could only have fun by themselves.

Catching cicadas was a very interesting thing back then.

When summer came, we didn't know why there were so many cicadas. They lay prone on the branches and chirped all day long.

During summer vacations, we fellow kids had a lot of time, so we were able to take the time to catch cicadas for fun.

There were three methods of catching cicadas. Let me introduce you one by one.

The first method: found a slender bamboo pole first, then found horsetail hair and made it a tight-able circle, then fixed the circle on the thin end of the bamboo pole. Found a cicada, held the pole, let the circle around the cicada's head and pulled the circle back, so the cicada was captured.

The second method: found a plastic bag and a thin piece of wire. Used the wire to pierce through the opening of the bag, and then, fixed the wire on the thin end of the bamboo pole. You could use it to cover cicadas.

The third method: found a little wheat flour. Poured a proper amount of water in it, and stirred it again and again, until it became so sticky. Just put the sticky dough on the thin end of the pole. You could use it to stick cicadas. Remember you should stick their wings.

Well, these were the three methods of catching cicadas and they were all efficient.

Corrections

Writing Practice

Many years ago, children living in the countryside were really bored.

Grammatically correct, but I feel the word 'very' would be more appropriate here, as really seems to informal in the context of this article.

They couldn't afford any toys.

They could only have fun by themselves.

I would suggest writing it as:
They had to amuse themselves.

Catching cicadas was a very interesting thing back then.

When summer came, we didn't know why there were so many cicadas.

They lay prone on the branches and chirped all day long.

During summer vacations, we fellow kids had a lot of time, so we were able to take the time to catch cicadas for fun.

'We fellow kids' - you can either say 'we kids' or 'fellow kids', but not both - it is repetitive.

'So we were able to take the time' - you already stated you had a lot of time, so there is no point in writing this again.

There were three methods of catching cicadas.

Let me introduce you to them one by one.

The first method: fouirst find a slender bamboo pole first, then fouind horsetail hair and made itweave it into a tight-able circle, then fixedfixing the circle on the thin end of the bamboo pole.

When describing a method you will generally use the present tense, just because you don't do this anymore doesn't mean the method doesn't exist anymore.

Fouind a cicada, heold the pole, let the circle it around the cicada's head and pulled the circle back, socapturing the cicada was captured.

The second method: fouind a plastic bag and a thin piece of wire.

Used the wire to pierce through the opening of the bag, and then, fixed the wire on the thin end of the bamboo pole.

You could use it to covertrap cicadas.

The word 'cover' here is not very suitable.

The third method: fouind a little wheat flour.

Poured a the proper amount of water in it, and stirred it again and again,repeatedly until it becaome sos very sticky.

JThen, just put the sticky dough on the thin end of the pole.

It is too abrupt if you just use 'Just' at the start of the sentence, there needs to be a connection.

You could use it to stickstick it on cicadas.

Stick as a verb is pretty much exclusively used to show you stick *something on something*.

Remember: you should stick it on their wings.

Well, these were the three methods of catching cicadas and they were all efficient.

Feedback

Great job, just watch out in the future to write abstract processes in the present tense, unless they no longer exist.

Thank you for sharing and the images! 加油!

Jack's avatar
Jack

Dec. 28, 2021

2

Thank you very much for correcting my junior. I appreciate it.

Writing Practice


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Many years ago, children living in the countryside were really bored.


Many years ago, children living in the countryside were really bored.

Grammatically correct, but I feel the word 'very' would be more appropriate here, as really seems to informal in the context of this article.

They couldn't afford any toys.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They could only have fun by themselves.


They could only have fun by themselves.

I would suggest writing it as: They had to amuse themselves.

Catching cicadas was a very interesting thing back then.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

When summer came, we didn't know why there were so many cicadas.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They lay prone on the branches and chirped all day long.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

During summer vacations, we fellow kids had a lot of time, so we were able to take the time to catch cicadas for fun.


During summer vacations, we fellow kids had a lot of time, so we were able to take the time to catch cicadas for fun.

'We fellow kids' - you can either say 'we kids' or 'fellow kids', but not both - it is repetitive. 'So we were able to take the time' - you already stated you had a lot of time, so there is no point in writing this again.

There were three methods of catching cicadas.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Let me introduce you one by one.


Let me introduce you to them one by one.

The first method: found a slender bamboo pole first, then found horsetail hair and made it a tight-able circle, then fixed the circle on the thin end of the bamboo pole.


The first method: fouirst find a slender bamboo pole first, then fouind horsetail hair and made itweave it into a tight-able circle, then fixedfixing the circle on the thin end of the bamboo pole.

When describing a method you will generally use the present tense, just because you don't do this anymore doesn't mean the method doesn't exist anymore.

Found a cicada, held the pole, let the circle around the cicada's head and pulled the circle back, so the cicada was captured.


Fouind a cicada, heold the pole, let the circle it around the cicada's head and pulled the circle back, socapturing the cicada was captured.

The second method: found a plastic bag and a thin piece of wire.


The second method: fouind a plastic bag and a thin piece of wire.

Used the wire to pierce through the opening of the bag, and then, fixed the wire on the thin end of the bamboo pole.


Used the wire to pierce through the opening of the bag, and then, fixed the wire on the thin end of the bamboo pole.

You could use it to cover cicadas.


You could use it to covertrap cicadas.

The word 'cover' here is not very suitable.

The third method: found a little wheat flour.


The third method: fouind a little wheat flour.

Poured a proper amount of water in it, and stirred it again and again, until it became so sticky.


Poured a the proper amount of water in it, and stirred it again and again,repeatedly until it becaome sos very sticky.

Just put the sticky dough on the thin end of the pole.


JThen, just put the sticky dough on the thin end of the pole.

It is too abrupt if you just use 'Just' at the start of the sentence, there needs to be a connection.

You could use it to stick cicadas.


You could use it to stickstick it on cicadas.

Stick as a verb is pretty much exclusively used to show you stick *something on something*.

Remember you should stick their wings.


Remember: you should stick it on their wings.

Well, these were the three methods of catching cicadas and they were all efficient.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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