March 7, 2022
Writing essay C1 Advanced CAE
"Write paragraphs to answer the question: about medical doctors"
Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors. 1) What are the reasons for this problem?
2) How can it be solved?
In the most of the developed countries the public health system is assumed as a citizenship's right,
so it has not been until the recent Covid-19 pandemic than most people was aware of the relevance of
taking care of it. In this way, one of its main problems came from the distribution of our doctors
and medical resources between urban and rural areas.
Medicine is one of the harder and longer academic careers that exists (it is about to 10 years, taking into
consideration the time necessary to get the PhD or Doctorate). Because of that, it's completely reasonable
that medical doctors should look for a good salary, as long as, a minimum quality in the facilities where
they work. This work conditions are found mainly in big cities rather than in small villages, where you need
to move far away to be attended at a hospital.
This problem doesn't seem to be in the agenda of our politicians, no matter the ideology. Despite of the fact
that they are the only ones who are able to reorganise public funding, in order to attract more medical doctors
to stay at rural areas.
As a conclusion, politicians should increase the public heath budget, speacially on small towns and villages,
where such a basic right is not always guaranteeded.
I would like know if the structure, content,... (besides grammar) are correct.
Writing essay C1 Advanced CAE
"Write several paragraphs to answer these question:s about medical doctors"
(not sure if you wrote this command or if it was part of the essay format)
Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money.
Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors.
1) What are the reasons for this problem?
In the most of themost developed countries the public health system is assumed asconsidered to be a citizenship's right, (Or: "In most developed countries")
This is more fluent. You could say "In most of the developed countries" as an alternative. "Considered" seems more accurate to me; if you want to use "assumed" it should be "assumed to be"
so it has not been until the recent Covid-19 pandemic thant most people wasere aware of the relevance of
Perhaps "than" was a typo; there is no "more than" or "less than" here. In English "people" is plural.
taking care of itit's importance.
"taking care of it" is awkward, unclear to whom you are referring.
In this way, one of itOne of the public health system's main problems came from the distribution of our doctors
Not sure to what "in this way" refers. Also, at this point it is worth being more specific rather than using "its." (As an aside, "public health system" can apply both to a health system that is publicly managed / funded and the general system of public health such as infection control, clean water, maternal care, etc.)
and medical resources between urban and rural areas.
Medicine is one of the harder and longer academic careers that exists (it itakes about to 10 years, taking into
"about to" indicates something that will happen in the immediate future, and is followed by a verb. Here "about" means "approximately"
consideration the time necessary to get thea PhD or Ddoctorate).
You are not referring to a specific degree, so "a" should be used rather than "the." (Most doctors have an MD, by the way.)
Because of that, it's completely reasonable
that medical doctors should look for a good salary, as long as, a minimum quality is reached in the facilities where
"as long as" is neither an independent or dependent clause. Quality needs a verb.
they work.
Thisese working conditions are found mainly in big cities rather than in small villagetowns, where you need
conditions is plural. "Work conditions" does not sound right but is not technically incorrect. Aren't villages small by definition?
to motravel far away to be attendtreated at a hospital.
in this context "move" implies a semi-permanent change of domicile / address. RE: "attended" - "treated" is more specific. I know that "attended" is used more in the UK but I'm not sure whether the phrasing you use is correct there.
This problem doesn't seem to be inpart of the agenda of our politicians, no matter their ideology.,
"In the agenda" sounds awkward here. Could also say "no matter what their ideology may be."
Ddespite of the fact
There is no article with "despite" (although there is with "in spite of," which has the same meaning!)
to stay atpractice in rural areas.
"Stay at" is generally used for living in a temporary place (like a hotel or friend's) and does not refer to where one works (unless you sleep there).
As aIn conclusion, politicians should increase the public heath budget, espeacially oin small towns and villages,
You are making a single conclusion and it is your final statement.
Feedback
Your writing is quite understandable, and most of my comments are somewhat subtle. Keep up the hard work!
March 12, 2022
Thank anna_f so much for your corrections, they are very detailed so it will be really helpful to improve up to C1. Sorry for my late reply, it's my first time in this web and I was not sure if it will be good place to correct writings. For sure, it is : ) Whenever you need help with Spanish just ask me
March 13, 2022
thanks, Isaac!
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Writing essay C1 Advanced CAE This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"Write paragraphs to answer the question: about medical doctors" "Write several paragraphs to answer these question (not sure if you wrote this command or if it was part of the essay format) |
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Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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1) What are the reasons for this problem? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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2) How can it be solved? |
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In the most of the developed countries the public health system is assumed as a citizenship's right, In This is more fluent. You could say "In most of the developed countries" as an alternative. "Considered" seems more accurate to me; if you want to use "assumed" it should be "assumed to be" |
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so it has not been until the recent Covid-19 pandemic than most people was aware of the relevance of so it has not been until the recent Covid-19 pandemic tha Perhaps "than" was a typo; there is no "more than" or "less than" here. In English "people" is plural. |
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taking care of it.
"taking care of it" is awkward, unclear to whom you are referring. |
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In this way, one of its main problems came from the distribution of our doctors
Not sure to what "in this way" refers. Also, at this point it is worth being more specific rather than using "its." (As an aside, "public health system" can apply both to a health system that is publicly managed / funded and the general system of public health such as infection control, clean water, maternal care, etc.) |
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and medical resources between urban and rural areas. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Medicine is one of the harder and longer academic careers that exists (it is about to 10 years, taking into Medicine is one of the harder and longer academic careers that exists (it "about to" indicates something that will happen in the immediate future, and is followed by a verb. Here "about" means "approximately" |
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consideration the time necessary to get the PhD or Doctorate). consideration the time necessary to get You are not referring to a specific degree, so "a" should be used rather than "the." (Most doctors have an MD, by the way.) |
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Because of that, it's completely reasonable This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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that medical doctors should look for a good salary, as long as, a minimum quality in the facilities where that medical doctors should look for a good salary, as long as "as long as" is neither an independent or dependent clause. Quality needs a verb. |
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they work. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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This work conditions are found mainly in big cities rather than in small villages, where you need Th conditions is plural. "Work conditions" does not sound right but is not technically incorrect. Aren't villages small by definition? |
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to move far away to be attended at a hospital. to in this context "move" implies a semi-permanent change of domicile / address. RE: "attended" - "treated" is more specific. I know that "attended" is used more in the UK but I'm not sure whether the phrasing you use is correct there. |
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This problem doesn't seem to be in the agenda of our politicians, no matter the ideology. This problem doesn't seem to be "In the agenda" sounds awkward here. Could also say "no matter what their ideology may be." |
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Despite of the fact
There is no article with "despite" (although there is with "in spite of," which has the same meaning!) |
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that they are the only ones who are able to reorganise public funding, in order to attract more medical doctors |
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to stay at rural areas. to "Stay at" is generally used for living in a temporary place (like a hotel or friend's) and does not refer to where one works (unless you sleep there). |
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As a conclusion, politicians should increase the public heath budget, speacially on small towns and villages,
You are making a single conclusion and it is your final statement. |
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where such a basic right is not always guaranteeded. |
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