April 5, 2020
World's most embarrassing first date
Think twice before throwing your doo-doo through your date house’s window – there will be circumstances anyhow!
(there will be alternative way of phrases. It is a lot to ask but please look them up as well if you have enough time)
We are going to Bristol, Great Britain, where Liam Smyth and his girlfriend had (= were on) their first date in September 2017. After they had dinner, had a good time and a couple glasses of beer, they decided to go to Liam’s house and watch a scientific show (we believe them all right). After watching it for around an hour, the girl went to the restroom. Hower, when she returned, she stared at Liam with a guilty expression on her face. It was at that moment that her date realized something big has just happened. How do you think, what happened in the toilet and caused the guilty look on the girl’s face?
It turns out that she made doo-doo but the toilet wouldn’t flush. So (= for this reason,) she would be embarrassed if Liam had found out about the poop (= the doo-doo = the turt = the shit). The solution she came up with (= figured out = developed) was nasty and shocking but altogether (= at the same time) creative since she dealt with (= sorted out with) the issue in an unconventional way. What she did is she wrapped the poop in toilet paper and threw it outside. She very well may have gotten away with it unless she admitted to throwing it through the open window to Liam. The guy didn’t get confused (= did not lose courage), though, so they both went outside to take the poop away from (= off of) the streets. They went outside and found… Nothing! This very moment it occurred to Liam (= Liam realized) that the doo-doo got stuck in the gap between the windows. So they went back home and tried to get it off of the gap (= to bring it back). The guy was about to use a hammer to shatter the window as the girl stopped him and proposed something. What did she propose you ask? Let’s just say she was an amateur gymnast and gladly landed help in reaching out the poop. She needed some help, though. So Liam boosted her down the gap, which did help to grab the doo-doo and she did bag it and hand it over to the guy.
By this moment you would probably think they’ve been through it all, especially considering the first-date status of their meet-up (= seeing). If you do think so, you are wrong then. Because it was at that moment when things went from bad to worse (= got worse).
She got stuck. They both were doing their best (= tried as they might) to let her out (= to have her out = to take her out) but nothing seemed to work as her legs started turning blue. He then called a firemen brigade (= firefighters) which freed (= escaped) the woman although broke the window. The window cost him 400 dollars and he had to repay its cost since the apartment was rental (= belonged to a landlord). He was a just-graduated student at the moment (= back then) and it was a hard bite for him to swallow. That’s why Liam came up with something to cover up the 400 dollars bill. He made a post on GoFundMe to get 400$ to repay the damage (= to compensate for the damage) to his landlord. He managed (= was able) to raise as much as 2700$ in donations. That was significantly higher than the money he had to spend to get the window repaired (= fixed). The exceeds were shared between two funds: the first one helps fire victims and the other one builds flushing toilets in the developing countries (= backward countries).
The moral of the story is (= here’s a tip foe y’all guys:) : make sure the toilet at your apartment works properly before inviting your girlfriend home!
World's most embarrassing first date
Think twice before throwing your doo-doo through your date's house’s window – there will be circumstances anyhowonsequences!
I think you meant consequences, but I'm not entirely sure.
(there will be alternative way of phrases. It is a lot to ask but please look them up as well if you have enough time)
We are going to Bristol, Great Britain, where Liam Smyth and his girlfriend had (= werewent on) their first date in September 2017.
After they had dinner, had a good time and a couple glasses of beer, they decided to go to Liam’s house andto watch a scientific show (we believe them all right).
Using had twice is a little repetitive and doesn't make the sentence flow well.
After watching it for around an hour, the girl went to the restroom.
However, when she returned, she stared at Liam with a guilty expression on her face.
It was at that moment that her date realized something big hasd just happened.
Had = past tense
HowWhat do you think, what happened in the toilet andto caused the guilty look on the girl’'s face?
It turns out that she made doo-doo but the toilet wouldn’t flush.
So (= for this reason,)Because of this, she would be embarrassed if Liam had found out about the poop (= the doo-doo = the turt = the shit).
The solution she came up with (= figured out = developed) was nasty and shocking but altogether (= at the same time)was nasty and shocking, yet creative since she dealt with (= sorted out with) the issue in an unconventional way.
What she did is shewas wrapped the poop in toilet paper and threow it outside.
She very well may have gotten away with it unlesstil she admitted to throwing it through the open window to Liam.
The guy didn’t get confused (= did not lose discourage)d, though, so they both went outside to takepick the poop away from (= off of) the streets.
They went outside and found… Nnothing!
ThisIn that very moment it occurred to Liam (= Liam realized) that the doo-doo got stuck in the gap between the windows.
Past tense
So they went back home and tried to get it off of the gap (= to bring it back)remove it from the gap.
The guy was just about to use a hammer to shatter the window aswhen the girl stopped him and proposed something.
What did she propose, you ask?
Let’s just say she was an amateur gymnast and gladly landedent help in reaching outfor the poop.
I think you meant "lended", but the correct form is "lent" in this sentence
She needed some help, though.
So Liam boosted her downto the gap, which did help toher grab the doo-doo and she did bag. She bagged it and handed it over to the guy.
By this momentnow, you would probably think they’ve been through it all, especially considering the first-date status of their meet-up (= seeing).
If you do think so, you are wrong then.
Because it was at that moment when things went from bad to worse (= got worse).
She got stuck.
They both were doing their best (= tried as they might) to let trying their out (= to have her out = to takehardest to get her out) but nothing seemed to work as her legs started turning blue.
He then called a firemen brigade (=the firefighters) whicho freed (= escaped) the woman althoughthe woman, but broke the window.
The window cost hiLiam 400 dollars and he had to repay its cost since the apartment was rental (= belonged to a to his landlord).
He was a just-graduated student at the moment (= back then)time and it was a hard bite for him to swallow.
That’s why Liam came up with something to cover up the 400 dollars bill.
He made a post on GoFundMe to get $400$ to repay the damage (= to compensate his landlord for the damage) to his landlord.
He managed (= was able) to raise as much as 2700$ in donations.
That was significantly higher than the money he had to spend to get the window repaired (= fixed).
The exceedss wereas shared between two funds: the first one helps fire victims and the other second one builds flushing toilets in the undeveloping countries (= backwared countries).
Feedback
Interesting read, for sure!
April 5, 2020
Thanks for the corrections! I've a question though. You've crossed almost all the alternative variants in brackets. Were they all wrong or it is a site's bug?
April 5, 2020
Because it was at that moment when things went from bad to worse (= got worse).
It's not a bug. You wrote the parenthesis in a spot where it is not very clear where the alt. sentence starts.
Ex:
1) Because it was at that moment when things went from bad to got worse
2) Because it was at that moment when things went from bad got worse
...
It's better to write out your alt. sentences:
Because it was at that moment when things went from bad to worse / Because it was at that moment when things got worse.
Okenisa also corrected it in a way that uses very natural idioms.
April 6, 2020
Thanks for the corrections! I've a question though. You've crossed almost all the alternative variants in brackets. Were they all wrong or it is a site's bug?
Sorry about that! I was confused as to how the alt. sentences would be phrased, but reading it back again, they were mostly correct.
I think a better way to phrase the alternatives would be to write both sentences out as Masemune said.
You could also put both of them in parentheses like this:
Because it was at that moment when things (went from bad to worse/got worse).
April 6, 2020
Sorry about that! I was confused as to how the alt. sentences would be phrased, but reading it back again, they were mostly correct. I think a better way to phrase the alternatives would be to write both sentences out as Masemune said. You could also put both of them in parentheses like this: Because it was at that moment when things (went from bad to worse/got worse).
Thanks once again. Now when I've read them I see what you're saying. They weren't clear enough indeed. I will think the issue over one more time before posting the next text
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World's most embarrassing first date This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Think twice before throwing your doo-doo through your date house’s window – there will be circumstances anyhow! Think twice before throwing your doo-doo through I think you meant consequences, but I'm not entirely sure. |
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(there will be alternative way of phrases. It is a lot to ask but please look them up as well if you have enough time) This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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We are going to Bristol, Great Britain, where Liam Smyth and his girlfriend had (= were on) their first date in September 2017. We are going to Bristol, Great Britain, where Liam Smyth and his girlfriend |
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After they had dinner, had a good time and a couple glasses of beer, they decided to go to Liam’s house and watch a scientific show (we believe them all right). After they had dinner, Using had twice is a little repetitive and doesn't make the sentence flow well. |
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After watching it for around an hour, the girl went to the restroom. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Hower, when she returned, she stared at Liam with a guilty expression on her face. However, when she returned, she stared at Liam with a guilty expression on her face. |
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It was at that moment that her date realized something big has just happened. It was at that moment that he Had = past tense |
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How do you think, what happened in the toilet and caused the guilty look on the girl’s face?
|
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It turns out that she made doo-doo but the toilet wouldn’t flush. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
So (= for this reason,) she would be embarrassed if Liam had found out about the poop (= the doo-doo = the turt = the shit).
|
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The solution she came up with (= figured out = developed) was nasty and shocking but altogether (= at the same time) creative since she dealt with (= sorted out with) the issue in an unconventional way. The solution she came up with |
|
What she did is she wrapped the poop in toilet paper and threw it outside. What she did |
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She very well may have gotten away with it unless she admitted to throwing it through the open window to Liam. She very well may have gotten away with it un |
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The guy didn’t get confused (= did not lose courage), though, so they both went outside to take the poop away from (= off of) the streets. The guy didn’t get |
|
They went outside and found… Nothing! They went outside and found… |
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This very moment it occurred to Liam (= Liam realized) that the doo-doo got stuck in the gap between the windows.
Past tense |
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So they went back home and tried to get it off of the gap (= to bring it back). So they went back home and tried to |
|
The guy was about to use a hammer to shatter the window as the girl stopped him and proposed something. The guy was just about to use a hammer to shatter the window |
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What did she propose you ask? What did she propose, you ask? |
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Let’s just say she was an amateur gymnast and gladly landed help in reaching out the poop. Let’s just say she was an amateur gymnast and gladly l I think you meant "lended", but the correct form is "lent" in this sentence |
|
She needed some help, though. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
So Liam boosted her down the gap, which did help to grab the doo-doo and she did bag it and hand it over to the guy. So Liam boosted her |
|
By this moment you would probably think they’ve been through it all, especially considering the first-date status of their meet-up (= seeing). By |
|
If you do think so, you are wrong then. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Because it was at that moment when things went from bad to worse (= got worse). Because it was at that moment when things went from bad to worse |
|
She got stuck. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
They both were doing their best (= tried as they might) to let her out (= to have her out = to take her out) but nothing seemed to work as her legs started turning blue. They both were |
|
He then called a firemen brigade (= firefighters) which freed (= escaped) the woman although broke the window. He then called |
|
The window cost him 400 dollars and he had to repay its cost since the apartment was rental (= belonged to a landlord). The window cost |
|
He was a just-graduated student at the moment (= back then) and it was a hard bite for him to swallow. He was a just-graduated student at the |
|
That’s why Liam came up with something to cover up the 400 dollars bill. That’s why Liam came up with something to cover |
|
He made a post on GoFundMe to get 400$ to repay the damage (= to compensate for the damage) to his landlord. He made a post on GoFundMe to get $400 |
|
He managed (= was able) to raise as much as 2700$ in donations. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
That was significantly higher than the money he had to spend to get the window repaired (= fixed). This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
The exceeds were shared between two funds: the first one helps fire victims and the other one builds flushing toilets in the developing countries (= backward countries). The exce |
|
The moral of the story is (= here’s a tip foe y’all guys:) : make sure the toilet at your apartment works properly before inviting your girlfriend home! |
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