May 6, 2020
Working women, the pros and cons
Beginning of the industrial revolution was a start for birthing new era in human history. Slowly, the age of modern man has come. Economy was started to grow as fast as possible. Productions with the help of machines have been grown and new technologies appeared quickly. modern factories speared everywhere and they produced every necessity of modern life. Those factories provided new job opportunities and Because of shortage of workers, there was a chance for women to participate in new society more than before. In this situation, something must have been changed and also new manners have been appeared. One of them was women’s labor.
For thousand years, men are leaders of the world and decide for society in masculine point of view. Having active women in economy, politic, culture, etc. could equalize masculinity and femininity in decisions that make about the future of the world. It would be a chance to fight for equality too. In addition, working would be a path to make progress. Working brings them better situation for living and financial independence. Women who financially independence in life are less at risk from depression and sadness. They are able to control their life and achieve their desires. Besides, getting to know new people, learning how to deal with issues and matters by themselves, facing with fashionable life-style, getting useful and valuable experiences and large number of advantages that could be counted.
In other hand, working puts too much pressure on women. competing with colleagues for making carrier may distract them to pay attention on their personal life. Maybe they do not get married or have a baby. In this case, it could reduce population (specifically, the number of young population). In other case, loneliness always has bad effect on them. It threats their mental and physical health. Having long working hours in the day could suffer them form a lot of diseases, like: neckache, overweight, blood pressure, etc. Without doubt, balancing between work and baby for woman who is mother is impossible, it would be cause of struggle between couples. It would be even affected on next generation. Maybe when a child needs her/his mother, she is not there to guide him/her. Todays, the internet has created dangerous atmosphere for children and if nobody exists beside them to help them, it would be great threat. The most trustable person for a child is his/her mother and lack of mother at sensitive moments of life would hurt child mentally and physically.
To sum up, working for women may have advantages and disadvantages but it most depends on environment and society that they are living in. we should consider that women have different rules in different cultures and countries. There is no “The Right Way” for living.
Slowly, the age of modern man has come.arrived
modern factories sappeared everywhere and they produced every necessity of modern life.
Feedback
Be careful with abrupt tense changes.
BThe beginning of the industrial revolution was athe start for birthingof a new era in human history.
Slowly, the age of modern man has come.
EThe economy was started to grow as fast as possiblerapidly.
Productions increased with the help of machines have been grown, and new technologies appeared quickly.
mModern factories sappeared everywhere, and they produced every necessity of modern life.
Those factories provided new job opportunities, and Because ofdue to a shortage of workers, there was a chance for women to participate in new society more than before in this new society.
In thissuch a situation, something must have been changed and also new manners have been appearedmany changes came about.
One of them was women’s labor.
For thousands of years, men awere the leaders of the world and decidemade decisions for society infrom the masculine point of view.
There are plenty of societies were and still are matriarchal!
Having women active women in economy, politics, culture, etcand the like could equalize masculinity and femininity in decisions made about the future of the world.
could equalize masculinity and femininity in decisions that make about the future of the world.
It would be a chance to fight for equality, too.
In addition, working would be a path to makeing progress.
Working brings them better situation for living would provide many women with better living situations and financial independence.
Women who are financially independence in lifet are less at risk to suffer from depression and sadness.
They are able to control their lifeves and achieve their desires.
BesidesIn addition, getting to know new people, learning how to deal with issues and matters by themselves, facing with fashionable life-style,on their own, and getting useful and valuable experiences and were just a few among a large numbers of advantages that could be counted.benefits to be gained by women from joining the workforce.
I left out the "fashionable lifestyle" part because I'm not sure what you're trying to say.
InOn the other hand, working puts too much pressure on women.
cCompeting with colleagues for makingin their carrieer may distract them to pay attention onfrom their personal lifeves.
Maybe they doThey might not get married or have a babyies.
In this case, it could reduce population (specifically, the number of youngcause a reduction of the population).
InOn the other casehand, loneliness always has bad effect on themcould impact women negatively.
It could threatsen their mental and physical health.
Having long working hours in the day could suffer them form a lot of diseases, like:could cause women to suffer from a lot of ailments such as neck aches, overweight, gain, high blood pressure, etcand so on.
Without doubt, balancing between work and a baby for woman who is mothers is impossible, and it wcould be a cause of struggle betweeconflict in couples.
Just want to say I totally disagree with this! Not a grammatical note, just a differing opinion~
It wcould be even have an aeffected on the next generation.
Maybe wWhen a child needs her/his mother, she isis or her mother, the mother would not be there to guide him/ or her.
Todays, the internet has created a dangerous atmosphere for children, and if nobody exists besideis themre to help them, it would be a great threat to the children.
The most trustableworthy person forto a child is his/ or her mother, and lack of mother atnot having the mother there are sensitive moments ofin life would hurt the child mentally and physically.
To sum up, working for womenhaving women in the workforce may have advantages and disadvantages, but it most depends on the environment and society thatin which they are living in.
wWe should consider that women have different rules in different cultures and countries.
There is no “Thone Rright Wway” for to livinge.
Feedback
I could understand all of your sentences just fine! I cleaned up the grammar a bit and rephrased here and there. Pretty good writing, though I don't agree with a lot of the points you made lol
May 6, 2020
could equalize masculinity and femininity in decisions that make about the future of the world.
Sorry Bees, what's problem with this sentence?
May 6, 2020
BesidesIn addition, getting to know new people, learning how to deal with issues and matters by themselves, facing with fashionable life-style,on their own, and getting useful and valuable experiences and were just a few among a large numbers of advantages that could be counted.benefits to be gained by women from joining the workforce.
I was trying to say, that will learn new things about the developments.
May 6, 2020
Without doubt, balancing between work and a baby for woman who is mothers is impossible, and it wcould be a cause of struggle betweeconflict in couples.
Being a woman is difficult. Especially in the modern world.
There are many responsibilities.
May 6, 2020
Thank you so much for your correction. :)
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Working women, the pros and cons |
|
Beginning of the industrial revolution was a start for birthing new era in human history.
|
|
Slowly, the age of modern man has come. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Slowly, the age of modern man |
|
Economy was started to grow as fast as possible.
|
|
Productions with the help of machines have been grown and new technologies appeared quickly. Production |
|
modern factories speared everywhere and they produced every necessity of modern life.
modern factories |
|
Those factories provided new job opportunities and Because of shortage of workers, there was a chance for women to participate in new society more than before. Those factories provided new job opportunities, and |
|
In this situation, something must have been changed and also new manners have been appeared. In |
|
One of them was women’s labor. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
For thousand years, men are leaders of the world and decide for society in masculine point of view. For thousands of years, men There are plenty of societies were and still are matriarchal! |
|
Having active women in economy, politic, culture, etc. Having women active |
|
could equalize masculinity and femininity in decisions that make about the future of the world.
|
|
It would be a chance to fight for equality too. It would be a chance to fight for equality, too. |
|
In addition, working would be a path to make progress. In addition, working would be a path to mak |
|
Working brings them better situation for living and financial independence. Work |
|
Women who financially independence in life are less at risk from depression and sadness. Women who are financially independen |
|
They are able to control their life and achieve their desires. They are able to control their li |
|
Besides, getting to know new people, learning how to deal with issues and matters by themselves, facing with fashionable life-style, getting useful and valuable experiences and large number of advantages that could be counted.
I left out the "fashionable lifestyle" part because I'm not sure what you're trying to say. |
|
In other hand, working puts too much pressure on women.
|
|
competing with colleagues for making carrier may distract them to pay attention on their personal life.
|
|
Maybe they do not get married or have a baby.
|
|
In this case, it could reduce population (specifically, the number of young population). In this case, it could |
|
In other case, loneliness always has bad effect on them.
|
|
It threats their mental and physical health. It could threat |
|
Having long working hours in the day could suffer them form a lot of diseases, like: neckache, overweight, blood pressure, etc. Having long working hours |
|
Without doubt, balancing between work and baby for woman who is mother is impossible, it would be cause of struggle between couples. Without doubt, balancing Just want to say I totally disagree with this! Not a grammatical note, just a differing opinion~ |
|
It would be even affected on next generation. It |
|
Maybe when a child needs her/his mother, she is not there to guide him/her.
|
|
Todays, the internet has created dangerous atmosphere for children and if nobody exists beside them to help them, it would be great threat. Today |
|
The most trustable person for a child is his/her mother and lack of mother at sensitive moments of life would hurt child mentally and physically. The most trust |
|
To sum up, working for women may have advantages and disadvantages but it most depends on environment and society that they are living in. To sum up, |
|
we should consider that women have different rules in different cultures and countries.
|
|
There is no “The Right Way” for living. There is no |
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