Last Friday, I wentcame back home at 4 p.m. after finishing working.

回来 vs 回去

I was a little tired, thuso I laid iy on my sofa.

It was just a minutes past 5, though.

I would more naturally continue from your previous sentence and say "... even though it was just a minute past 5."

Furthermore, iIt became dark quickly.

It seemed that there was no transition between day and night, the day just dropptransformed into the night in a second.

I think the most beautiful momenttime of a day is dusk.

Thus I think that the reason why people would feel sad more easily in winter is because of they miss ofut on the beautiful dusk.

Actually, tThere is still dusk in winter, actually, but you need to pay more attention to see it, because it is fairly short.

If you become distracted, it will be gone quicklybefore you know it.

I went riding a bike to try and chase the sunset last night, but I failed.

I went to the top floor tonight, and sat in thea chair toand let the sunshine caress my face softly.

I watched the sun going down below the hills infor a dozen minutes.

It reminded me of an old saying,: "beauty always is evanescentis fleeting."

However, beauty is beauty, and it makes me happy,; that's enough.

Last Friday, I went back home at 4 p.m. after finishing working.

I was a little tired, thus I laid ion my sofa.

in > on (you're on top of the sofa)
'thus' is very formal so 'so' might be more appropriate > I was a little tired so i laid on my sofa

When I looked out of the window, it was dim, and it was a little cold.

more concise

It was just a minutes past 5 though.

i would connect these two sentences. "When I looked out of the window, even though it was just minutes past five o'clock, it was dim and a little cold."

Furthermore, it became dark quickly.

the past sentence implies this, so no need to state it again

Thus I think that why people would feel sad easily in winter is because of the misslack of the beautiful dusk.

I watched the sun going down the hills in a dozen minutes.