Jan. 12, 2021
Nowadays, people feel unsafe despite the dropping hardened criminal rate. In this essay, I am going to talk about reasons behind this issue, together with methods to tackle it.
To begin with, people tend to attribute unsettled feeling to a staggering increase in the number of minor crimes. There are still some offenders in the world like shoplifters and hackers, which triggers people’s panic. Especially, online hacking, a misconduct that steal personal information from online citizens, hassles citizens now and then. For example, one of my friends was conducting a project, in order to be access to online resources, he was required to sign in one website on which he needed to fill in with his account. He did since he really needed these materials. But later on, his computer was hacked into by someone and all his money was stolen by this person.
However, there are some actions we can take to solve this problem. Firstly, the local government should take the responsibility to enhance the safety both online and in our community by safeguarding people’s privacy and installing some monitoring cameras on the streets or outside shops in doing so they can keep us from criminals. Secondly, people should increase their awareness of protecting their own private information, typically, those relating to money. In this case, they should evaluate sites critically.
In conclusion, it is true that petty crimes rage over our world like shoplifters and hackers, but we still can settle it by installing cameras on streets and increasing people’s awareness about online safety.
Nowadays, people feel unsafe despite the droppinga decrease in the number of hardened criminal rates.
To begin with, people tend to attributefeel unsettled feeling toby a staggering increase in the number of minor crimes.
There are still some offenders in the world like shoplifters and hackers, which triggers people’s panic.
Especially, online hacking, a misconductdemeanor that steals personal information from online citizens, hassles citizens now and thenr, occasionally, hassles online users.
For example, one of my friends was conductworking on a project, i. In order to be access to online resources, he was required to sign in one a website on which he needed to fill in with his accountby providing bank account information.
He didprovided the information since he really needed these materials.
But later on, his computer was hacked into by someone, and all his money was stolen by this person.
Firstly, the local government should take the responsibility tof enhance theing our safety, both online and in our community, by safeguarding people’s privacy and installing some monitoring cameras on the streets or outside shops i. In doing so, they can keepprotect us from criminals.
Secondly, people should increase their awareness of protecting their own private information, typicespecially, those relating to money.
In conclusion, it is true that petty crimes rageare common all over our world, like shoplifters and hackers, but we still can settlmitigate it by installing cameras on streets and increasing people’s awareness about online safety.
Why people feel unsafe and the methods to fix it
Nowadays, people feel unsafe despite the dropping hardenedfalling criminal rate.
"falling criminal rate" or "sinking criminal rate" sound more natural to me.
I also removed "hardening" as I didn't know what you meant by that.
In this essay, I am going to talk about reasons behind this issue, together with methods to tackle it.
To begin with, people tend to attribute feeling unsettled feeling to ato the staggering increase in the number of minor crimes.
I think it's better to say "the staggering increase" instead of "a staggering increase" since you are talking about something specific here
There are still some offenders in the world like shoplifters and hackers, which triggercauses people’s to panic.
You original sentence is not wrong grammatically, it just didn't sound very natural.
Especially, online hacking, a misconduct thatcrime in which thieves steal personal information from online citizens, hassles citizens now and then.
You don't need that comma after "especially"
I replaced "misconduct" with "crime" as it sounded kind of weird
You need to state who is stealing the personal information from online citizens, that's why I put in the word "thieves" in the corrected sentence. it's the subject of the sentence
For example, one of my friends was conductingworking on a project, and in order to be able to access to online resources, he was required to sign in to one website on whichwhere he needed to fill in with his account information.
"conduct" means "to lead, to direct the performance of something" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conduct) and it really isn't used with the word "project". If he was in charge of the project, you could say "one of my friends was leading a project"
The verb "to sign in" usually takes the preposition "to". So you sign in to something, sign in to a website, sign in to your email account, sign in to your twitter account, etc.
He did since he really needed theose materials.
Just needed to use "those" instead of "these". You use "these" if you are talking about something near to you. The materials are not near either of use so you need to use "those"
https://difference.guru/difference-between-these-and-those/
But later on, his computer was hacked into by someone and all his money was stolen by this person.
However, there are some actions we can take to solve this problem.
Firstly, the local government should take the responsibility to enhance theand improve safety both online and in our community. They can do this by safeguarding people’s privacy and installing some monitoring cameras on the streets or outside shops i. In doing so, they can keep us safe from criminals.
This was a big run-on sentence and it was kind of hard to understand, so I split it up into smaller sentences.
https://www.thoughtco.com/run-on-sentence-grammar-and-usage-1692069
Secondly, people should increase their awareness of protecting their own private information, typically, thoseespecially relating to money.
"typically" means "normally, commonly". I think here you meant to emphasize that people need to be really careful with protecting their private information relating to money, that's why I replaced that word with "especially".
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/especially
In this case, they should evaluate sites critically.
In conclusion, it is true that petty crimes rage over our world like shopliftersing and hackersing rage over our world , but we can still can settle itprevent them by installing cameras on streets and increasing people’s awareness about online safety.
I had to move around the words in this sentence because the way you originally wrote it sounded like a simile, and I don't think you meant to do that.
"Petty crimes rage over our world like shoplifters and hackers" sounds like you're saying that petty crimes rage like how shoplifters and hackers rage.
"Petty crimes like shoplifting and hacking rage over our world" sounds like you're saying that crimes such as shoplifting and hacking are frequent around the world.
(https://literarydevices.net/simile/)
I also switched out "shoplifters and hackers" because those words are talking about the people who commit those crimes. The crimes themselves are called "shoplifting" and "hacking".
Finally, I changed "settle it" to "prevent them" for two reasons. One is that it sounds more natural, two is that you need the plural here ("them") instead of the singular ("it") since you are describing more than one thing (shoplifting AND hacking).
Feedback
You did a very good job. I agree that it's important for people to take steps to prevent themselves from online crimes.
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Why people feel unsafe and the methods to fix it This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Nowadays, people feel unsafe despite the dropping hardened criminal rate. Nowadays, people feel unsafe despite the "falling criminal rate" or "sinking criminal rate" sound more natural to me. I also removed "hardening" as I didn't know what you meant by that. Nowadays, people feel unsafe despite |
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In this essay, I am going to talk about reasons behind this issue, together with methods to tackle it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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To begin with, people tend to attribute unsettled feeling to a staggering increase in the number of minor crimes. To begin with, people tend to attribute feeling unsettled I think it's better to say "the staggering increase" instead of "a staggering increase" since you are talking about something specific here To begin |
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There are still some offenders in the world like shoplifters and hackers, which triggers people’s panic. There are still some offenders in the world like shoplifters and hackers, which You original sentence is not wrong grammatically, it just didn't sound very natural. There are still some offenders in the world like shoplifters and hackers, which trigger |
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Especially, online hacking, a misconduct that steal personal information from online citizens, hassles citizens now and then. Especially You don't need that comma after "especially" I replaced "misconduct" with "crime" as it sounded kind of weird You need to state who is stealing the personal information from online citizens, that's why I put in the word "thieves" in the corrected sentence. it's the subject of the sentence Especially |
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For example, one of my friends was conducting a project, in order to be access to online resources, he was required to sign in one website on which he needed to fill in with his account. For example, one of my friends was "conduct" means "to lead, to direct the performance of something" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conduct) and it really isn't used with the word "project". If he was in charge of the project, you could say "one of my friends was leading a project" The verb "to sign in" usually takes the preposition "to". So you sign in to something, sign in to a website, sign in to your email account, sign in to your twitter account, etc. For example, one of my friends was |
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He did since he really needed these materials. He did since he really needed th Just needed to use "those" instead of "these". You use "these" if you are talking about something near to you. The materials are not near either of use so you need to use "those" https://difference.guru/difference-between-these-and-those/ He |
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But later on, his computer was hacked into by someone and all his money was stolen by this person. This sentence has been marked as perfect! But later on, his computer was hacked |
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However, there are some actions we can take to solve this problem. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Firstly, the local government should take the responsibility to enhance the safety both online and in our community by safeguarding people’s privacy and installing some monitoring cameras on the streets or outside shops in doing so they can keep us from criminals. Firstly, the local government should take This was a big run-on sentence and it was kind of hard to understand, so I split it up into smaller sentences. https://www.thoughtco.com/run-on-sentence-grammar-and-usage-1692069 Firstly, the local government should take the responsibility |
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Secondly, people should increase their awareness of protecting their own private information, typically, those relating to money. Secondly, people should increase their awareness of protecting their own private information, "typically" means "normally, commonly". I think here you meant to emphasize that people need to be really careful with protecting their private information relating to money, that's why I replaced that word with "especially". https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/especially Secondly, people should increase their awareness of protecting their own private information, |
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In this case, they should evaluate sites critically. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In conclusion, it is true that petty crimes rage over our world like shoplifters and hackers, but we still can settle it by installing cameras on streets and increasing people’s awareness about online safety. In conclusion, it is true that petty crimes I had to move around the words in this sentence because the way you originally wrote it sounded like a simile, and I don't think you meant to do that. "Petty crimes rage over our world like shoplifters and hackers" sounds like you're saying that petty crimes rage like how shoplifters and hackers rage. "Petty crimes like shoplifting and hacking rage over our world" sounds like you're saying that crimes such as shoplifting and hacking are frequent around the world. (https://literarydevices.net/simile/) I also switched out "shoplifters and hackers" because those words are talking about the people who commit those crimes. The crimes themselves are called "shoplifting" and "hacking". Finally, I changed "settle it" to "prevent them" for two reasons. One is that it sounds more natural, two is that you need the plural here ("them") instead of the singular ("it") since you are describing more than one thing (shoplifting AND hacking). In conclusion, it is true that petty crimes |
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