June 7, 2020
Whole Life in a Short Moment
I read this story in a book. Two men, who went through a war together, met after 40 years. They were happy to see each other. After they hugged with tears in their eyes, they sat and started recalling the events of that war. One particular fight came up in their mind. It was a combat that lasted 40 seconds. All this time soldiers were sitting in the hole. Bullets were flying above their heads, bombs were exploding all around. It was hell. It seemed like they are going to die at every second... Turned out, that after all these years they remember every second, every tiny detail of that fight. They didn't notice how hours passed away. At last, when they finished up, exhausted, one man asked another: "Well, so what you were doing all these 40 years?". The second man answered: "I worked in a store". Both went silent.
They could talk hours about tiny 40 seconds when their lives were in danger, but 40 years of normal life just fit into one sentence.
A Whole Life in a Short Moment
I read this story in a book.
Two men, who went through a war together, met after 40 years.
They were happy to see each other.
After they hugged with tears in their eyes, they sat and started recalling the events of that war.
One particular fight came up in their mind.
It was a combat that lasted 40 seconds.
All this time the soldiers were sitting in thea hole.
Bullets were flying above their heads, bombs were exploding all around.
It was hell.
It seemed like they are going to die at everany second...
TIt turned out, that after all these years they remembered every second, every tiny detail of that fight.
They didn't notice how the hours passed away.
At last, when they finished up, exhausted, one man asked anthe other: "Well, so what you were doing all these 40 years?".
The second man answered: "I worked in a store".
Both went silent.
They could talk hours about a tiny 40 seconds when their lives were in danger, but 40 years of normal life just fit into one sentence.
Feedback
Good job and very interesting
A Whole Life in a Short Moment
I read this story in a book.
Two men, who went through a war together, met after 40 years.
They were happy to see each other.
After they huggedhugging each other with tears in their eyes, they sat and started recalling the events of that war.
One particular fight came up in their mind.
It was a combat that lasted 40 seconds.
It seems
All this timeDuring the battle, soldiers were sitting in thea hole.
Since the hole hasn't been mentioned before, you should use the indefinite article.
Bullets were flying above their heads, bombs were exploding all around.
It was hell.
It seemed like they awere going to die at every secondny moment...
TIt turned out, that, after all these years, they remembered every second, every tiny detail of that fight.
Since you started off the story referring to the men in the past tense, "remember" should be in the past tense here too. Also, if you use "that" to introduce a clause and immediately after a verb phrase, it shouldn't be preceded by a comma.
They didn't notice how hours passed awayHours went by without them noticing.
At last, when they finished up, exhausted, on, one of the maen asked anthe other: "Well, so what you werehave you been doing all these 40 years?".
"Exhausted" is an adjective you would use if they had been engaged in some sort of physical activity or work, whereas in the story they're just talking to each other.
The second man answered: "I worked in a store".
Both went silent.
They could talk for hours about tiny 40 seconds when their lives were in danger, but 40 years of normal life just fit into just one sentence.
Feedback
Great story!
June 8, 2020
Thank you!
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Whole Life in a Short Moment A Whole Life in a Short Moment A Whole Life in a Short Moment |
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I read this story in a book. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Two men, who went through a war together, met after 40 years. Two men This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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They were happy to see each other. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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After they hugged with tears in their eyes, they sat and started recalling the events of that war. After This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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One particular fight came up in their mind. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It was a combat that lasted 40 seconds. It was a combat that lasted 40 seconds. It seems This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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All this time soldiers were sitting in the hole.
Since the hole hasn't been mentioned before, you should use the indefinite article. All this time the soldiers were sitting in |
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Bullets were flying above their heads, bombs were exploding all around. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It was hell. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It seemed like they are going to die at every second... It seemed like they It seemed like they are going to die at |
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Turned out, that after all these years they remember every second, every tiny detail of that fight.
Since you started off the story referring to the men in the past tense, "remember" should be in the past tense here too. Also, if you use "that" to introduce a clause and immediately after a verb phrase, it shouldn't be preceded by a comma.
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They didn't notice how hours passed away.
They didn't notice how the hours passed away. |
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At last, when they finished up, exhausted, one man asked another: "Well, so what you were doing all these 40 years?". At last, when they finished "Exhausted" is an adjective you would use if they had been engaged in some sort of physical activity or work, whereas in the story they're just talking to each other. At last, when they finished up, exhausted, one man asked |
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The second man answered: "I worked in a store". This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Both went silent. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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They could talk hours about tiny 40 seconds when their lives were in danger, but 40 years of normal life just fit into one sentence. They could talk for hours about They could talk hours about a tiny 40 seconds when their lives were in danger, but 40 years of normal life just fit into one sentence. |
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