July 18, 2020
We Are A Product Of Our Environment - II Part
Thus, in an attempt to free herself from all these ties that were constraining her brain and soul. She, helped by Asperger's, began to work on getting rid of these inherited behaviors, to the point in which she felt liberated and impartial towards everything. Later on, she developed a therapy to help others who were on the same journey, especially to those trapped in psychological loops that make people relapse in old patterns. The slogan of her podcast is to raise awareness about ourselves. Indeed, this motto has motivated her to record more than 160 episodes of 1 hour in which she talks extensively about emotions, neurobiology, and a wide range of topics connected to mental health. She is smart and cultured which makes the podcast very insightful. In fact, when I listen to them I do it with a notepad at hand so that I can jot down interesting ideas to expand on them later. Particularly interesting for me is when she explains the mechanics of the brain. Because it makes me see my body as a magical artifact so complex and complete, that inspires me to take care of it. That’s how I’ve learned that our brains love to make new neural connections either by learning new things or by doing things differently.
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Thus, in anShe attempted to free herself from all these ties that were constraining her brain and soul.
You could say, "Thus, in an attempt to free herself from all the ties that were constraining her brain and soul, _______" as a main clause, but you need a second clause to make sense of the sentence. Also "these" ties refers to ties that have already been mentioned, which here there is no context and also no mention.
She, helpInfluenced by her Asperger's, she began to work on getting rid of these inherited behaviors, to the point in which she feltcould feel liberated and impartialopen-minded towards everything.
Your sentence is describing a process that occurred in the past - going from one state in time to another. That's why the verbs have to match this idea ("she began to work" (past) to "she could feel liberated" (future hypothetical)). Impartial denotes a more disinterested meaning. So if she's "getting better," then it wouldn't be necessarily good that she doesn't feel anything.
Later on, she developed a therapy practice to help others who were on the same journey as her, especially to those trapped in psychological loops that make peoplecreate a relapse in old patterns.
The sloganidea of her podcast is to raise awareness about ourselves.
Slogans are actual phrases. So if she did have a slogan, it would probably be something like, "Let's raise awareness about ourselves."
Indeed, this motto has motivated her to record more than 160 episodes of 1 hourhour long episodes in which she talks extensively about emotions, neurobiology, and a wide range of topics connected to mental health.
She is smart and cultured which makes the podcast very insightful.
In fact, when I listen to them I dit, I listen to it with a notepad at hand so that I can jot down interesting ideas to expand on them later.
You're only listening to one, singular podcast
Particularly interesting for me is when she explains the mechanics of the brain.
Because ithe podcast makes me see my body as a magical artifact that is so complex and complete, thait inspires me to take better care of itmy body.
Too many "its" and "thats" can be confusing to the reader as to what you are exactly referring to.
That’s how I’ve learned that our brains love to make new neural connections either by learning new things or by doing things differently.
Feedback
Very interesting ideas here and you've done well. But there is a common issue of clarity. Make sure to check to see what exactly you're talking about in each sentence and how each sentence flows from one to the next. :-)
July 18, 2020
Maybe it wasn't clear because I had to split the original text. That's why it was incomprehensible. This was the second part. I'll post it again this time the full text.
July 18, 2020
On second thought, there is no need to post it again. I think I understand your corrections. Thanks so much again =D
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FREE This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Thus, in an attempt to free herself from all these ties that were constraining her brain and soul.
You could say, "Thus, in an attempt to free herself from all the ties that were constraining her brain and soul, _______" as a main clause, but you need a second clause to make sense of the sentence. Also "these" ties refers to ties that have already been mentioned, which here there is no context and also no mention. |
|
She, helped by Asperger's, began to work on getting rid of these inherited behaviors, to the point in which she felt liberated and impartial towards everything.
Your sentence is describing a process that occurred in the past - going from one state in time to another. That's why the verbs have to match this idea ("she began to work" (past) to "she could feel liberated" (future hypothetical)). Impartial denotes a more disinterested meaning. So if she's "getting better," then it wouldn't be necessarily good that she doesn't feel anything. |
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Later on, she developed a therapy to help others who were on the same journey, especially to those trapped in psychological loops that make people relapse in old patterns. Later on, she developed a therapy practice to help others who were on the same journey as her, especially to those trapped in psychological loops that |
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The slogan of her podcast is to raise awareness about ourselves. The Slogans are actual phrases. So if she did have a slogan, it would probably be something like, "Let's raise awareness about ourselves." |
|
Indeed, this motto has motivated her to record more than 160 episodes of 1 hour in which she talks extensively about emotions, neurobiology, and a wide range of topics connected to mental health. Indeed, this motto has motivated her to record more than 160 |
|
She is smart and cultured which makes the podcast very insightful. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In fact, when I listen to them I do it with a notepad at hand so that I can jot down interesting ideas to expand on them later. In fact, when I listen to You're only listening to one, singular podcast |
|
Particularly interesting for me is when she explains the mechanics of the brain. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Because it makes me see my body as a magical artifact so complex and complete, that inspires me to take care of it. Because Too many "its" and "thats" can be confusing to the reader as to what you are exactly referring to. |
|
That’s how I’ve learned that our brains love to make new neural connections either by learning new things or by doing things differently. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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We Are A Product Of Our Environment - II Part |
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