After we finished eating, we went back to my friend's room and did put on our Ppajamas. After we finished eating, we went back to my friend's room and put on our pajamas.

After we finished eating, we went back to my friends room and did put on our Pajamas. After we finished eating, we went back to my friends room and put on our Pajamas.

Then we played Mario CKart. Then we played Mario Kart.

Then, we played Mario CKart. Then, we played Mario Kart.

Cart is usually spelled with a C but in the case of the game Mario Kart, a K is used. , needed after then

When we didn’t feel like it (playing Mario Kart) anymore, we played truth or dare, but after one or two rounds, we still didn’t feel like it anymorelost interest in that, too. When we didn’t feel like it (playing Mario Kart) anymore, we played truth or dare, but after one or two rounds, we lost interest in that, too.

When we didn’t feel like it anymore, we played truth or dare, but after one or two rounds, we still didn’t feel like it anymore toogot tired of it. When we didn’t feel like it anymore, we played truth or dare, but after one or two rounds, we got tired of it.

"we still didn't feel like it anymore too" doesn't make sense.

Then we Cchatted and ate cake and watermelon a. After an howur, it was boring and we played Mario Cart again. We ate Cchips and Jjelly babies. Then we chatted and ate cake and watermelon. After an hour, it was boring and we played Mario Cart again. We ate chips and jelly babies.

Jelly babies look like what we call "gummy bears" in America.

Then, we Chatted, and ate cake and watermelon after an howur it was boring and we played Mario CKart again Weand ate Chips and Jelly bBabies. Then, we Chatted, and ate cake and watermelon after an hour it was boring and we played Mario Kart again and ate Chips and Jelly Babies.

At 12 pmmidnight, we brushed our teeth and felled a st asleep. At midnight, we brushed our teeth and fell asleep.

12 PM == noon. 12 AM == midnight

At 12 pm we brushed our teeth and felled a st asleep. At 12 pm we brushed our teeth and fell asleep.

fell is past tense of to fall asleep is one word

The next morning I waoke up at half past seven in the morning. The next morning I woke up at half past seven in the morning.

The next morning, I waoke up at half past seven in the morning. The next morning, I woke up at half past seven.

Sentence flows better if morning is only mentioned once.

When everyone was awake, we talked about our Chemiestry teacher. When everyone was awake, we talked about our Chemistry teacher.

When everyone was awake, we talked about our Chemiestry/Chem teacher. When everyone was awake, we talked about our Chemistry/Chem teacher.

I think you meant chemistry teacher here.

(But not goodin a good way). (But not in a good way).

(But not goodnicely). (But not nicely).

not good doesn't flow well.

Then we did pull on some otheput on our clothes and went to a bakery. Then we put on our clothes and went to a bakery.

Then we did pullput on some other clothes and went to a bakery. Then we put on some other clothes and went to a bakery.

We walked for 15 Mminutes to the bakery and back. We walked for 15 minutes to the bakery and back.

When we wasere back at the house from my friends, I mademy friend's house, I prepared some fruits for the breakfast. When we were back at my friend's house, I prepared some fruit for breakfast.

When we wasere back at the house from my friends, I mademy friend's house, I prepared some fruits for the breakfast. When we were back at my friend's house, I prepared some fruit for breakfast.

some problems with tenses here.

While I madeprepared some fruits the others set the table outside. While I prepared some fruit the others set the table outside.

While I madeprepared some fruits, the others set the table outside. While I prepared some fruit, the others set the table outside.

Making fruits is not said, prepared is a better phrasing.

When I was outside with my friends, me and my friend's mums were outside, it started to rain. When I was outside with my friends my friend's mum, it started to rain.

When me, my friends, me and my friend's mums were outside, it started to rain. When me, my friends and my friend's mums were outside, it started to rain.

Sentence flows better if me is placed at end or start of list.

Then we haved to cleared the table and set the table inside again. Then we had to clear the table and set the table inside again.

Then, we have cleared the table and reset the table inside again. Then, we cleared the table and reset the table inside.

After breakfast we played Mario CKart again, untill my friends and I had to pack our bags and wentgo home. After breakfast we played Mario Kart again, until my friends and I had to pack our bags and go home.

After breakfast we played Mario CKart again, 'till my friend and I had to pack our bags and wentgo home. After breakfast we played Mario Kart again 'til my friend and I had to pack our bags and go home.

Thaen we went into it (the house) and gave our presents to our friend's mum because it was her birthday. Then we went into it (the house) and gave our presents to our friend's mum because it was her birthday.

Thaen we went into it and gave our presents to our friend's mum because it was her birthday. Then we went into it and gave presents to our friend's mum because it was her birthday.

' in friend's is needed because of possessive

On Saturday at 19 pm7:00 PM, my friend and I met in front of my others friend's house. On Saturday at 7:00 PM, my friend and I met in front of my other friend's house.

If you're writing American English, and probably British English, you would say 7:00 PM. If you want to use the 24 hour standard, you would just say 19:00.

On Saturday at 19 9pm my friend and I met in front of my others friends house. On Saturday at 9pm my friend and I met in front of my others friends house.

If using 24 hour clock, pm is unneeded (19:00),

Our friend's mum was really happy about our presents. Our friend's mum was really happy about our presents.

Our friend's mum was really happy about ourthe presents. Our friend's mum was really happy about the presents.

I played Hayday on my phone till the others waoked up, too. I played Hayday on my phone till the others woke up, too.

I played Hayday on my phone 'till the others waoked up too. I played Hayday on my phone 'til the others woke up too.

'til is a shortened version of until woke is the correct past participle

Then my friends and meI went to my friend's room and made the bed's. Then my friends and I went to my friend's room and made the beds.

Don't use apostrophe for plurals.

Then, my friends and me went to my friend's room and made the bed's. Then, my friends and me went to my friend's room and made the beds.

A few minutes later, our Ppizza coames and we ate it. A few minutes later, our pizza came and we ate it.

A few minutes later, our Pizza coames and we ate it. A few minutes later, our Pizza came and we ate it.

past tense needed