kazu's avatar
kazu

July 2, 2020

0
University

I'll talk about university today. I'm a senior in Doshisha university, which is located in Kyoto. And, it is the highest deviation value among private universities in western Japan. To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I entered this university, but I'm enjoying it now. I belong to Global and Reagional Studies fuculty and I learn about other countries' culture and problems like immigration. In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wanna know why they don't work in a country of birth but in other country.

Corrections

University

I'm a senior inat Doshisha uUniversity, which is located in Kyoto.

And, iIt is the highest deviation valueranking among private universities in western Japan.

I think "highest deviation value" would equate to something similar to college rankings here, but that may not be what you meant.

To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I enteredfor choosing this university, but I'm enjoying it now.

I belong to the Global and Reagional Studies fuaculty and I learn about other countries' cultures and problems like immigration.

While I think "faculty" would be correct, it is more common to say "department"

In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wannat to know why they don't work in atheir country of birth but in another country.

"Wanna" is slang, and it does mean "want to," but it is very informal and more common in speech (or texting) than in writing.

Feedback

Great job!

kazu's avatar
kazu

July 3, 2020

0

Thank you so much!

University

I'll talk about university today.

I'm a senior in Doshisha university, which is located in Kyoto.

And, iIt is the highest deviation value among private universities in western Japan.

I do not know what you mean by deviation value. This is not a term that would be used in English. Perhaps you mean:

Among private universities in western Japan it is the best for its quality of education.


Technically, one should not start a sentence with the word and.

It is a rule that is very often broken by fluent speakers, but rarely in writing. Either way, it is a good rule to follow.

To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I enteredto choose this university, but I'm enjoying it now.

We wouldn't say enter a university except to physically walk into it.

Your sentence is grammatically correct, but I have modified it to be more standard.

I belong to the Global and Reagional Studies fuaculty and I learn about other countries' cultures and problems like immigration.

In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wannat to know why they don't work in a country of birth buttheir birth country but instead in other country.

Wanna is a form of slang. It is used commonly verbally, but outside of songs it is something that is almost never written. In formal situations, words like gonna, wanna, shoulda... are not used.

country of birth is correct. Birth country is simply the more common term.

kazu's avatar
kazu

July 3, 2020

0

Thank you so much for your correction.

University

I'llm going to talk about university today.

It wasn't wrong, just sounds more natural this way.

I'm a senior in Doshisha university, which is located in Kyoto.

And, it ihas the highest deviation value among private universities in western Japan.

I have no idea what "highest deviation value" is supposed to mean, so I don't know how to correct it. But I do know that something "has" a value, rather than "is" a value.

To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I enteredparticular reasons for choosing this university, but I'm enjoying it now.

Wasn't wrong, just rewrote it to sound more natural.

I belong to'm in the Global and Reagional Studies fuaculty and I, where I'm learning about other countries' cultures and problems like, such as immigration.

In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wannat to know why they don't work in a country of birth but ither than otherir birth country.

Feedback

I would recommend not using "wanna" (or "gonna," etc.) other than in extremely informal communication like maybe SMS messages with friends. It has a tendency to make someone seem young and/or uneducated and/or unfamiliar with social norms. As a general rule, if you are using proper capitalization and punctuation, that is a sign that it is probably not appropriate to write "wanna."

kazu's avatar
kazu

July 3, 2020

0

Thanks a lot.
Your correction is very useful.

University


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I'll talk about university today.


I'llm going to talk about university today.

It wasn't wrong, just sounds more natural this way.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I'm a senior in Doshisha university, which is located in Kyoto.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I'm a senior inat Doshisha uUniversity, which is located in Kyoto.

And, it is the highest deviation value among private universities in western Japan.


And, it ihas the highest deviation value among private universities in western Japan.

I have no idea what "highest deviation value" is supposed to mean, so I don't know how to correct it. But I do know that something "has" a value, rather than "is" a value.

And, iIt is the highest deviation value among private universities in western Japan.

I do not know what you mean by deviation value. This is not a term that would be used in English. Perhaps you mean: Among private universities in western Japan it is the best for its quality of education. Technically, one should not start a sentence with the word and. It is a rule that is very often broken by fluent speakers, but rarely in writing. Either way, it is a good rule to follow.

And, iIt is the highest deviation valueranking among private universities in western Japan.

I think "highest deviation value" would equate to something similar to college rankings here, but that may not be what you meant.

To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I entered this university, but I'm enjoying it now.


To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I enteredparticular reasons for choosing this university, but I'm enjoying it now.

Wasn't wrong, just rewrote it to sound more natural.

To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I enteredto choose this university, but I'm enjoying it now.

We wouldn't say enter a university except to physically walk into it. Your sentence is grammatically correct, but I have modified it to be more standard.

To be honest, I didn't have any specific reasons at first when I enteredfor choosing this university, but I'm enjoying it now.

I belong to Global and Reagional Studies fuculty and I learn about other countries' culture and problems like immigration.


I belong to'm in the Global and Reagional Studies fuaculty and I, where I'm learning about other countries' cultures and problems like, such as immigration.

I belong to the Global and Reagional Studies fuaculty and I learn about other countries' cultures and problems like immigration.

I belong to the Global and Reagional Studies fuaculty and I learn about other countries' cultures and problems like immigration.

While I think "faculty" would be correct, it is more common to say "department"

In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wanna know why they don't work in a country of birth but in other country.


In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wannat to know why they don't work in a country of birth but ither than otherir birth country.

In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wannat to know why they don't work in a country of birth buttheir birth country but instead in other country.

Wanna is a form of slang. It is used commonly verbally, but outside of songs it is something that is almost never written. In formal situations, words like gonna, wanna, shoulda... are not used. country of birth is correct. Birth country is simply the more common term.

In particular, I'm learning about foreign workers around the world because I wannat to know why they don't work in atheir country of birth but in another country.

"Wanna" is slang, and it does mean "want to," but it is very informal and more common in speech (or texting) than in writing.

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