Trip to the Woods - part II

caspie

July 26, 2022

Trip to the Woods - part II

There was a highway to the west from our path. It cut through the woods and was heading further to the northwest to eventually break through the wall of trees and shrubs and bring that silent but constant hum of the cars that we had always heard from afar to farmlands, other towns, woods, and whatever it passed through and by, and to finally reconnect to the interstate highway - it's beginning and its final destiny. The closer we were to our spot, the further away the highway was, and its hum became more and more unclear.

While I was waiting for my friends, I noticed that on the other bank, the hum had already become indistinguishable from the sound of trees, which gently swayed in the wind. In that wind of dying summer, which foreshadows that wet and chilly season, I thought that walking was a better choice than sitting and getting cold with Clyde, but because I was alone and I had no speed baseline as Scott and Tobias, I must have walked faster than my trip companions that time as well. Then I ought to wait for them even longer.

I couldn't have stood staying put anymore and staring at that vast space between every piece of forest scenery though. Only looking upwards at the canopy let me assure myself that space had its edge, as I was able to see that cold and distant sky, which leaked through the treetops. But looking for any boundaries of forest space around me was more difficult. All those pieces overlapped with each other, making it impossible to tell if the woods even have their edge.

That observation drew me into thinking how lonely I was there. I'd heard dozens of stories about elks being run over. Dozens of times, Scott told me about some opossums that had lived rent-free under his porch. But deep in the woods, I didn't notice any fauna, except for one hooting owl I might have overheard. I intensely stared into the woods but the only thing I saw were hundreds of tree trunks and bushes which seemed to grow tighter and tighter the further they were from me, as if they were hiding some mysterious secret never seen by a human being or a void which shrinks more the closer you are to it.

At that time, I started to feel that I was not surrounded by any matter and that the sterile destiny I found myself in was left by time and life, that I walked into some liminal space between the world and hell, where I would be cursed to stay for eternity. But the matter eventually struck me. It took the form of a cold late summer wind, which gave me shivers and showed me that I was still stuck in the real world. But the thing which made me certain was that Clyde was shouting.

"Hey, there he is," he said. "Ya introverted or something, Thistle? Bro rather stand in the middle of nowhere than talk to us," he added. He was walking first, then there was Tobias, and a few yards further, there was Scott. "You are lucky I didn't start drinking without you, Clyde," I said. "Are ya tripping? Your ass would be so beaten up if you took a slip without us. What do you say about that, Tobi? Would he take an L? said Clyde. He made a quick turn back to Tobias, and without stopping for a second, he started to walk backwards. "Prolly, bro," said Tobias. "Definitely," Clyde corrected him.

en 1

Correct

Corrections

martin_pescador

Trip to the Woods - part II

There was a highway to the west from our path.

It cut through the woods and w~~as heading~~ent further to the northwest to eventually break through the wall of trees and shrubs ~~and bring that~~. It brought that nearly silent but constant hum of ~~the~~ cars that we had always heard from afar to the farmlands, ~~other~~ towns, woods, and whatever ~~it passed through and by, and to~~else it cut through before finally reconnecting to the interstate highway -- it's beginning and its final destiny.

Run on sentence -- I broke it into two sentences.

The closer we were to our spot, the further away the highway was, and its hum became ~~more~~less and ~~more un~~less clear.

While I was waiting for my friends, I noticed that on the other bank, the hum had already become indistinguishable from the sound of trees, which gently swayed in the wind.

In that wind of dying summer, which foreshadows that wet and chilly season, I thought that walking was a better choice than sitting and getting cold with Clyde, but because I was alone and I had no s~~peed baseline as~~ense of speed for Scott and Tobias,. I must have walked faster than my trip companions that time as well.

Only looking upwards at the canopy let me assure myself that space had its edge, as I was able to see that cold and distant sky, which leaked through the treetops.

But looking for ~~any~~the boundaries of the forest ~~space~~ around me was more difficult.

All those pieces overlapped with each other, making it impossible to tell if the woods even ha~~ve their~~d an edge.

That observation drew me into thinking how lonely I was there.

I'd heard dozens of stories about elks being run over.

Dozens of times, Scott told me about some opossums that had lived rent-free under his porch.

But deep in the woods, I didn't notice any fauna, except for one hooting owl I might have overheard.

I ~~intensely stared~~stared intently into the woods but the only thing I saw were hundreds of tree trunks and bushes which seemed to grow tighter and tighter the further they were from me, as if they were hiding some mysterious secret never seen by a human being or a void which shrinks ~~more~~ the closer you are to it.

At that time, I started to feel that I was not surrounded by any matter and that the sterile destiny I found myself in was left by time and life, that I walked into some liminal space between the world and hell, where I would be cursed to stay for eternity.

But the matter eventually struck me.

It took the form of a cold late summer wind, which gave me shivers and showed me that I was still stuck in the real world.

But the thing which made me certain was that Clyde was shouting.

"Hey, there he is," he said.

"Ya introverted or something, Thistle?

Bro, would you rather stand in the middle of nowhere than talk to us,?" he added.

He was walking first, then there was Tobias, and a few yards further, there was Scott.

"You are lucky I didn't start drinking without you, Clyde," I said.

Your ass would be so beaten up if you took a slip without us.

What do you say about that, Tobi?

Would he take an L?

said Clyde.

He made a quick turn back to Tobias, and without stopping for a second, he started to walk backwards.

"Prolly, bro," said Tobias.

"Definitely," Clyde corrected him.

Feedback

Nice work, the intro was very poetic! I made a few suggestions that were mostly stylistic. Of course, you can always bend the rules a bit if you're writing something as art. For example, a run-on sentence isn't always "wrong", but I thought I would mention it.

caspie

July 27, 2022

"Definitely," Clyde corrected him.

Thanks for revising me. It means a lot and let be me write even better. I'm glad I've been able to express my idea with no major problems tho. It's the worst when you wanna write something smart in foreigner language and it turns to be gibberish

Trip to the Woods - part II