June 21, 2024
Today
Despite it being a precious day off, my enjoyment was halved by continuous rain since the morning. However, in the evening, the rain stopped, and glimpses of sunshine appeared.
The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building.
せっかくの休みの日だというのに、朝から降り続く雨に楽しみも半減してしまいました。しかし、夕方になると雨が上がり、晴れ間が覗きました。西の空はあかね色に染まり、ある建物の二階は夕日に照らされそこだけ輝いていました。
Today
Despite it being a precious day off, my enjoyment was halved by continuous rain since the morning.
However, in the evening, the rain stopped, and glimpses of sunshine appeared.
The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building.
Grammar is correct, I'm just not very sure what "a certain building" is referring to here? Is it to describe an unnamed building?
June 22, 2024
Thank you for reading. It refers to the nearby house.
Despite it being a precious day off, my enjoyment was halved by continuous rain since the morning.
However, in the evening, the rain stopped, and glimpses of sunshine appeared.
The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building.
"certain building" is confusing because we have no information about what building you're talking about. You could say "a certain building I saw/could see".
Feedback
Very good! More "poetic" writing is very difficult to do, so congratulations!
June 22, 2024
Thank you for your comment.
Despite it being a precious day off, my enjoyment was halved bycut in half due to continuous rain since the morning.
Your original sentence is well written but 'halved by' sounds a little stiff. It is more natural to say 'cut in half', it also highlights the disappointment by using the imagery of 'cut'.
The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building.
This is good but 'a certain building' sounds ominous, as if you are alluding to something you will describe later, and it's very important. Is that your goal?
June 21, 2024
Thank you for your corrections and useful comments.
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However, in the evening, the rain stopped, and glimpses of sunshine appeared. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building. The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building. This is good but 'a certain building' sounds ominous, as if you are alluding to something you will describe later, and it's very important. Is that your goal? The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building. "certain building" is confusing because we have no information about what building you're talking about. You could say "a certain building I saw/could see". The western sky was dyed a deep crimson, and the evening sun illuminated the second floor of a certain building. Grammar is correct, I'm just not very sure what "a certain building" is referring to here? Is it to describe an unnamed building? |
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Today This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Despite it being a precious day off, my enjoyment was halved by continuous rain since the morning. Despite it being a precious day off, my enjoyment was Your original sentence is well written but 'halved by' sounds a little stiff. It is more natural to say 'cut in half', it also highlights the disappointment by using the imagery of 'cut'. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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