today
This Morning
I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and unusually went for a walk . Of course, I bundled up before going out.
Outside, it was dark and cold, though I didn’t feel the cold was not biting. IIn the clear, pure air, the full moon shone brightly in the western night sky.
４時に目が覚めてしまった。その後寝付けず、珍しく５時に起きて散歩した。もちろん暖かくして外に出た。外は暗く冷えていたが、それほど寒いとは感じなかった。清浄な空気の中で西の夜空には満月がこうこうと輝いていた。
This Morning
I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and unusually went for a walk ., which is a rare occurrence. (or: which is unusual for me.)
Of course, I bundled up before going out.
Outside, it was dark and cold, though I didn’t feel the cold was nothat biting (or: that harsh).
IIn the clear, pure air, the full moon shone brightly in the western night sky.
Feedback
Well done!
I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and, unusually, went for a walk .¶
I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and, unusually for me, went for a walk.
In such a short text, small changes can make a big impact on the rhythm or cadence of each sentence.
Outside, it was dark and cold, [though I didn’t feel the cold was not biting.]
the second part of the sentence is weak. 1. It's repetitive: you didn't feel the cold and the cold was not biting. (This could be an editing error as you were choosing between two expressions--I've made that kind of error many times.) 2. The first part of the sentence tells the reader it was cold. In the second part you are trying to add more information, but you are using the same word, "cold."
One suggestion is to use the word "penetrating" instead of biting. For example:
Outside, it was dark and cold, but the chill did not penetrate my thick layers.
Outside, it was dark and cold, but I was warm in my .../ protected by my....
IIn the clear, pure air, the full moon shone brightly in the western night sky.
This Morning
I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and, unusually, went for a walk .
Of course, I bundled up before going out.
Outside, it was dark and cold, though I didn’t feel the cold was not biting.
IIn the clear, pure air, the full moon shone brightly in the western night sky.
Feedback
Very nicely written.
It’s just after 5 a.m. where I am right now, and I’d like to go out to see the moon, but unfortunately it’s too cloudy. 🌕
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This Morning This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and unusually went for a walk . I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and, unusually, went for a walk . I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and, unusually, went for a walk In such a short text, small changes can make a big impact on the rhythm or cadence of each sentence. I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up at five and |
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Of course, I bundled up before going out. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Outside, it was dark and cold, though I didn’t feel the cold was not biting. Outside, it was dark and cold, though I didn’t feel the cold was Outside, it was dark and cold, [though I didn’t feel the cold was not biting.] the second part of the sentence is weak. 1. It's repetitive: you didn't feel the cold and the cold was not biting. (This could be an editing error as you were choosing between two expressions--I've made that kind of error many times.) 2. The first part of the sentence tells the reader it was cold. In the second part you are trying to add more information, but you are using the same word, "cold." One suggestion is to use the word "penetrating" instead of biting. For example: Outside, it was dark and cold, but the chill did not penetrate my thick layers. Outside, it was dark and cold, but I was warm in my .../ protected by my.... Outside, it was dark and cold, though I didn’t feel the cold was |
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IIn the clear, pure air, the full moon shone brightly in the western night sky.
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