dagny's avatar
dagny

Nov. 26, 2023

0
The Sun Bears in the Hangzhou Zoo

A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian which is about a Chinese zoo denying its sun bears are humans dressed in costumes.

The possibility that animals in zoos can be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind before reading the article. So, when I read the article, I thought that the social media users' accusations of the Hangzhou Zoo were unverified rumors, completely without substance.

I recall wondering, why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it? Does it cost more to keep a Malaysian sun bear than it does to pay a person to pretend to be one? Even before learning about the sun bear's distinctive features, the speculation that a human might be masquerading as a sun bear had seemed far-fetched and like a conspiracy theory to me.

The spokesperson in the audio recording shared on WeChat further proves the realness of the bear for me. Having experienced extremely high summer temperatures myself, I assume wearing a fur bear suit in scorching summer heat would be unbearable for a human, if not potentially lethal.

I honestly believe I wouldn't have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I'd only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article. Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article's mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices. It sheds some light on the possible unethical practices occurring in the zoo industry.

Corrections

The Sun bear in the Hangzhou Zoo

The Sun Bears in the Hangzhou Zoo

A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian which is about a Chinese zoo denying its sun bears are humans dressed in costumes.

A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian about a Chinese zoo denying claims that its sun bears were humans dressed in costumes.

The possibility that animals in zoos can be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind before reading the article.

The idea/possibility that animals in zoos could be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind, so when I read the article, I thought that the online accusations against the Hangzhou Zoo were purely unsubstantiated, baseless rumors.

So, when I read the article, I thought that the social media users' accusations of the Hangzhou Zoo were unverified rumors, completely without substance.

You can combine w/ previous sentence ^ but you can still keep it a completely separate sentence if you want, or turn the comma after "my mind" into a ";

I recall wondering, why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it?

I recall wondering, "why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it?"

Even before learning about the sun bear's distinctive features, the speculation that a human might be masquerading as a sun bear had seemed far-fetched and like a conspiracy theory to me.

The speculation that a human might be masquerading as a sun bear seemed rather far-fetched and more like a conspiracy theory to me.

The spokesperson in the audio recording shared on WeChat further proves the realness of the bear for me.

Finally, the zoo's spokesperson released an official statement on WeChat dispelling the false rumor with clear facts and logic; they pointed out the sun bear's distinctive features in particular, and how impractical it would be for a human to don a furry costume all day in high heat.

Having experienced extremely high summer temperatures myself, I assume wearing a fur bear suit in scorching summer heat would be unbearable for a human, if not potentially lethal.

Their statement made sense, and confirmed my belief that the bears were real. Also, having experienced extremely high summer temperatures myself, I'd assume wearing a fur bear suit in scorching summer heat would be unbearable for a human, if not potentially lethal.

I honestly believe I wouldn't have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I'd only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.

Had I not read the article, I honestly don't think I would have given the bears in the video a second thought.

I honestly believe I wouldn’t have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I’d only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.

Had I not read the article, I honestly don't think I would have given the bears in the video a second thought.

Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article's mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.

However, (while the Hangzhou rumor was unfounded), I do believe the article still makes legitimate claims against other Chinese zoos engaging in deceptive practices.

Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article’s mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.

However, (while the Hangzhou rumor was unfounded), I do believe the article still makes legitimate claims against other Chinese zoos engaging in deceptive practices.

It sheds some light on the possible unethical practices occurring in the zoo industry.

It sheds some light on possible unethical practices occurring in the zoo industry as a whole.

Feedback

Interesting post :)

There's a part of your writing, starting from "Even before learning about the bear's distinctive features" to "I honestly believe" that was a bit hard for me to follow, I think mainly because ideas were introduced before necessary context or there lacked connections between relating ideas. I interpreted what the spokesperson might have said based on your writing and revised as such. There weren't many grammar mistakes, as you are a strong writer; these were more so corrections to make your writing more clear and understandable. I hope my corrections help you!

dagny's avatar
dagny

Nov. 29, 2023

0

Originally, I wrote this to share my personal reflections on the news article with someone who had also read it. I guess that's why my post may be hard to follow without the necessary background or information.
I definitely won't be able to notice these unclear parts and areas for improvement in my post without your help. Thank you for your corrections!

The Sun bBears in the Hangzhou Zoo

A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian (which iswas) about a Chinese zoo denying its sun bears awere humans dressed in costumes.

“Which was” is unnecessary.

The possibility that animals in zoos canould be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind before reading the article.

So, when I read the article, I thought that the social media users' accusations oftoward the Hangzhou Zoo were unverified rumors, completely without substance.

I recall wondering, why on earth would a zooa zoo would hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's would be the point of it?

Alternatively you could make this a direct quote:
I recall wondering, “Why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it?”

Does it cost more to keep a Malaysian sun bear than it does to pay a person to pretend to be one?

Even before learning about the sun bear's distinctive features, the speculation that a human might be masquerading as a sun bear had seemed far-fetched and like a conspiracy theory to me.

The spokesperson in the audio recording shared on WeChat further proves the realness of the bear for me.

Having experienced extremely high summer temperatures myself, I assume wearing a fur bear suit in scorching summer heat would be unbearable for a human, if not potentially lethal.

I honestly believe I wouldn’t have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I’d only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.

I honestly believe I wouldn't have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I'd only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.

Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article’s mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.

Your sentence is grammatically correct but I’m not sure it makes sense. You seem to be saying you don’t doubt that the article really did mention it, which I suspect isn’t what you mean.

It sheds some light on the possible unethical practices possibly occurring in the zoo industry.

dagny's avatar
dagny

Nov. 26, 2023

0

Thank you so much for your corrections, @JoeTofu! I appreciate your help.

Regarding the sentence "Nevertheless, I have no doubts ...deceptive practices," I am wondering if it will be better to write: "Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices, as mentioned at the end of the article" instead? Does this make sense?

JoeTofu's avatar
JoeTofu

Nov. 27, 2023

0

That’s good, but I think you need to add “claims” or “reports,” etc.:
…the legitimacy of claims (or reports) that other Chinese zoos…

dagny's avatar
dagny

Nov. 29, 2023

0

I see. Thank you so much!

The Sun bear in the Hangzhou Zoo


The Sun bBears in the Hangzhou Zoo

The Sun bear in the Hangzhou Zoo

The Sun Bears in the Hangzhou Zoo

A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian which is about a Chinese zoo denying its sun bears are humans dressed in costumes.


A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian (which iswas) about a Chinese zoo denying its sun bears awere humans dressed in costumes.

“Which was” is unnecessary.

A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian which is about a Chinese zoo denying its sun bears are humans dressed in costumes.

A few months ago, I read a news article from The Guardian about a Chinese zoo denying claims that its sun bears were humans dressed in costumes.

The possibility that animals in zoos can be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind before reading the article.


The possibility that animals in zoos canould be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind before reading the article.

The possibility that animals in zoos can be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind before reading the article.

The idea/possibility that animals in zoos could be humans in disguise had never crossed my mind, so when I read the article, I thought that the online accusations against the Hangzhou Zoo were purely unsubstantiated, baseless rumors.

So, when I read the article, I thought that the social media users' accusations of the Hangzhou Zoo were unverified rumors, completely without substance.


So, when I read the article, I thought that the social media users' accusations oftoward the Hangzhou Zoo were unverified rumors, completely without substance.

So, when I read the article, I thought that the social media users' accusations of the Hangzhou Zoo were unverified rumors, completely without substance.

You can combine w/ previous sentence ^ but you can still keep it a completely separate sentence if you want, or turn the comma after "my mind" into a ";

I recall wondering, why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it?


I recall wondering, why on earth would a zooa zoo would hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's would be the point of it?

Alternatively you could make this a direct quote: I recall wondering, “Why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it?”

I recall wondering, why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it?

I recall wondering, "why on earth would a zoo hire human imposters to deceive zoo visitors—what's the point of it?"

Does it cost more to keep a Malaysian sun bear than it does to pay a person to pretend to be one?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Even before learning about the sun bear's distinctive features, the speculation that a human might be masquerading as a sun bear had seemed far-fetched and like a conspiracy theory to me.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Even before learning about the sun bear's distinctive features, the speculation that a human might be masquerading as a sun bear had seemed far-fetched and like a conspiracy theory to me.

The speculation that a human might be masquerading as a sun bear seemed rather far-fetched and more like a conspiracy theory to me.

The spokesperson in the audio recording shared on WeChat further proves the realness of the bear for me.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The spokesperson in the audio recording shared on WeChat further proves the realness of the bear for me.

Finally, the zoo's spokesperson released an official statement on WeChat dispelling the false rumor with clear facts and logic; they pointed out the sun bear's distinctive features in particular, and how impractical it would be for a human to don a furry costume all day in high heat.

Having experienced extremely high summer temperatures myself, I assume wearing a fur bear suit in scorching summer heat would be unbearable for a human, if not potentially lethal.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Having experienced extremely high summer temperatures myself, I assume wearing a fur bear suit in scorching summer heat would be unbearable for a human, if not potentially lethal.

Their statement made sense, and confirmed my belief that the bears were real. Also, having experienced extremely high summer temperatures myself, I'd assume wearing a fur bear suit in scorching summer heat would be unbearable for a human, if not potentially lethal.

I honestly believe I wouldn’t have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I’d only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I honestly believe I wouldn’t have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I’d only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.

Had I not read the article, I honestly don't think I would have given the bears in the video a second thought.

Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article’s mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.


Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article’s mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.

Your sentence is grammatically correct but I’m not sure it makes sense. You seem to be saying you don’t doubt that the article really did mention it, which I suspect isn’t what you mean.

Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article’s mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.

However, (while the Hangzhou rumor was unfounded), I do believe the article still makes legitimate claims against other Chinese zoos engaging in deceptive practices.

It sheds some light on the possible unethical practices occurring in the zoo industry.


It sheds some light on the possible unethical practices possibly occurring in the zoo industry.

It sheds some light on the possible unethical practices occurring in the zoo industry.

It sheds some light on possible unethical practices occurring in the zoo industry as a whole.

I honestly believe I wouldn't have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I'd only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I honestly believe I wouldn't have doubted the authenticity of the bear if I'd only watched the video of it standing upright without reading the article.

Had I not read the article, I honestly don't think I would have given the bears in the video a second thought.

Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article's mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.


Nevertheless, I have no doubts over the legitimacy of the article's mention of other Chinese zoos attempting deceptive practices.

However, (while the Hangzhou rumor was unfounded), I do believe the article still makes legitimate claims against other Chinese zoos engaging in deceptive practices.

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