Aug. 9, 2020
The reaction of my school in the last election (2016)
2016, the last year of Obama's term, was a bleak year for some. And a new president, Donald Trump will strut on the world stage. I still remember that the second day when Trump won in the election, people fell into a bleak mood in my high school. From my teachers' eyes, I knew they had cried and didn't accept the reality that Trump became their new president. In their views, the American nightmare was looming. Most teachers looked blue and eyes without gloss. It seems like they had contemplated to immigrate to other countries and booked the ticket already. The reality, that Trump will lead the next term, is unacceptable for my teachers. In their blur eyes, I could seem the border walls are soaring. And then in my English class, the teacher choked up and looked upset. She required us to write a short essay expressing our personal views of Trump. But as an only international student in the class, it was hard for me to understand why they had an extreme reaction to Trump. For this reason, I couldn't write down anything. In my opinion, as a Chinese person who grew up in the dictatorial system, I believe that President Trump enables citizens to make America great again. During that time, I had to admit that it is a little embarrassing for me if I don't write down anything, and I didn't want to fidget that I am the only one who out of the depressed mood. Honestly, Trump won't my president, and I blocked the feeling with this whole situation. On my side, I was starting to worry about my fatherland face a resurging America. Thus I also unhappy that Trump won.
The reaction of my school into the last election (2016)
"In" implies during, before it was finished. "To" is after the event.
2016, the last year of Obama's term, was a bleak year for some.
And a new president, Donald Trump will strutted onto the world stage.
The rest of your essay is past tense. This sentence's grammar was correct for future tense!
I still remember that the second day whenday after Trump won in the election, people fell into a bleak mood in my high school.
Most teachers looked blue and their eyes without gloss.
"Most teachers looked blue and their eyes listless." is more natural. We don't really say "without gloss" much--but people would understand what you meant, and it is not grammatically wrong.
It seems like they had contemplated to immigrateing to other countries and booked the ticket already.
The reality, that Trump willould lead the next term, iwas unacceptable (for) to my teachers.
"For" isn't wrong, but "to" is more natural.
In their blurry eyes, I cwould seem the border walls awere soaring.
Better: "In their bleak eyes, I could see the border walls rising."
(I could see in their eyes that they were imagining the border walls rising.)
But as anthe only international student in the class, it was hard for me to understand why they had an extreme reaction to Trump.
In my opinion, as a Chinese person who grew up in the dictatorial system, I believe that President Trump enablesd citizens to make America great again.
During that time, I had to admit that it iswould be a little embarrassing for me if I doidn't write down anything, and I didn't want to fidgetshow that I amwas the only one who out ofdidn't share the depressed mood.
Honestly, Trump woasn't my president, and I blocked thehad no feeling withon this whole situation.
On my sidethe other hand, I was starting to worry about my fatherland faceing a resurging America.
Thus I also unhappy that Trump won.
Feedback
I know many people prefer to avoid political topics, but I wonder how you have felt since Trump had become president?
Your essay was very good, and while I made some corrections I was able to understand what you were saying without any problems.
I was also surrounded by people very upset at his election. Like you, I was not depressed about it, so I felt strange amongst the crying people.
Aug. 9, 2020
first, thank your feedback and it is very helpful
second, in the beginning, I had no sense when I knew Trump won. But now, I change my mind. The President sucks. these have reasons I don't like him. He increased the export tax with China products, which people call trade war. The American farmers have to pay the price for their president's childlike behavior. He has broken the relationship with China. Like he wants to push the world back to the " Cold war". Because of his stupid policy published during the pandemic. He had made the America worse. The racism issues were dug over again. The riots were happening in many cities. By the way, in the world stage, his speeches like a joke, not as a president.
Finally, I have some questions. " And a new president, Donald Trump will strut on the world stage." For this sentence, changing with the past tense will be better? you said the future tense was correct. But which one is better? And should I change the whole paragraph with the past tense?
thank you
Aug. 9, 2020
I think it'd be best to have the entire essay past tense, since it happened in the past.
Your current feelings as told above in the comment were in present tense, and that is good to have in present tense. You're talking about things that are happening now and feelings you have now.
You can use present tense for any feelings you had in the past that you still have now, but it sounds like your feelings have completely changed. Or rather, you had no feelings about it then, but now you have strong feelings.
Hope this was helpful!
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The reaction of my school in the last election (2016) The reaction of my school "In" implies during, before it was finished. "To" is after the event. |
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2016, the last year of Obama's term, was a bleak year for some. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
And a new president, Donald Trump will strut on the world stage. And a new president, Donald Trump The rest of your essay is past tense. This sentence's grammar was correct for future tense! |
|
I still remember that the second day when Trump on in the election, people fell into a bleak mood in my high school. |
|
From my teachers' eyes, I knew they had cried and didn't accept the reality that Trump became their new president. |
|
The nightmare was looming. |
|
Most teachers looked blue and eyes without gloss. Most teachers looked blue and their eyes without gloss. "Most teachers looked blue and their eyes listless." is more natural. We don't really say "without gloss" much--but people would understand what you meant, and it is not grammatically wrong. |
|
It seems like they had contemplated to immigrate to other countries and booked the ticket already. It seems like they had contemplated |
|
The reality, that Trump will lead the next term, is unacceptable for my teachers. The reality, that Trump w "For" isn't wrong, but "to" is more natural. |
|
In their blur eyes, I could seem the border walls are soaring. In their blurry eyes, I Better: "In their bleak eyes, I could see the border walls rising." (I could see in their eyes that they were imagining the border walls rising.) |
|
And then in my English class, the teacher choked up and looked upset. |
|
She required us to write a short essay expressing our personal views of Trump. |
|
But as an only international student in the class, it was hard for me to understand why they had an extreme reaction to Trump. But as |
|
For this reason, I couldn't write down anything. |
|
In my opinion, as a Chinese person who grew up in the dictatorial system, I believe that President Trump enables citizens to make America great again. In my opinion, as a Chinese person who grew up in the dictatorial system, I believe that President Trump enable |
|
During that time, I had to admit that it is a little embarrassing for me if I don't write down anything, and I didn't want to fidget that I am the only one who out of the depressed mood. During that time, I had to admit that |
|
Honestly, Trump won't my president, and I blocked the feeling with this whole situation. Honestly, Trump w |
|
On my side, I start to worry about my fatherland face a resurging America. |
|
Thus I also unhappy that Trump won. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I still remember that the second day when Trump won in the election, people fell into a bleak mood in my high school. I still remember that the |
|
In their views, the American nightmare was looming. |
|
On my side, I was starting to worry about my fatherland face a resurging America. On |
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