shiera's avatar
shiera

May 25, 2020

0
The New York Times

A Japanese news site introduced the New York Times listed the deceased from the coronavirus with their names, ages and potted biographies.
Describing each potted biography could never happen in Japan. Because we had been strongly asked to be harmonious, that is to keep a low profile, at schools. Watching the New York Times site, I found it certainly simply descrbied their biographies.

About a person;
Helped drive the family car along Route 66.

Another;
Loved to don Groucho glasses and tell jokes.

Another;
Liked his bacon and hash browns crispy.

As I read their simple biographies, tears rolle down my face naturally.
I don't know them at all and I've never been to America, but I feel an affinity with them because I can imagine what they are like from the biographies.
The New York Times staff collected hard these information. I think they did a great job.

I believe a Japanese news site would describe about me someday.
Shiera 108 Tokyo;
Liked daydreaming happily during work in the office.

Corrections

The New York Times

A Japanese news site introducshowed the New York Times listed the deceas of those who died from the coronavirus with their names, ages and pottedsmall biographies.

The vocabulary that was changed was because it was very uncommon.
Some small grammar errors but I think that is just because you made a long sentence :).

Describing each pottederson's biography could never happen in Japan.

BThis is because we had been strongly asked to be harmonious, that is to keep a low profile, at schools.



WatchingLooking at the New York Times site, I found it certainly simply descrbibed their biographies simply.

About a person;

Helped drive the family car along Route 66.

Another;

Loved to donwear Groucho glasses and tell jokes.

"Don" is fine in this context but be careful with it :)

Another;

Liked his bacon and hash browns crispy.

As I read their simple biographies, tears naturally rolled down my face naturally.

"Tears rolled down my face naturally"
Is fine as well however it can sound more like your describing the tears movement down your face and not that it is natural to cry while reading the biographies.

I don't know them at all and I've never been to America, but I feel an affinity with them because I can imagine what they are like from the biographies.

The New York Times staff collectworked hard theseo collect this information.

I think they did a great job.

I believe a Japanese news site wouldill describe about me someday.

Shiera 108 Tokyo;

Liked daydreaming happily during work in the office.

Feedback

Very good English! A few grammatical points to work on but very good.

We have many daydreamers here in Canada as well :)

shiera's avatar
shiera

May 26, 2020

0

Thank you for corrections.
Hurray for daydreamers(≧▽≦)

The New York Times

A Japanese news site introducdisplayed the New York Times listed the deceased from the of those who had died of coronavirus with their names, ages and pottedsmall biographies.

I took some liberties correcting this. I changed "Listed the deceased from the coronavirus" to "list of those who had died of coronavirus" because the sentance is describing an object (the new york times list" so we need to use the noun form of list instead of the verb, and describe it using the right grammar. Hope that makes sense.

Describing each pottederson's biography could never happen in Japan.

I don't really know what you mean by "potted" biograpghy. You mean each person's?

BThis is because we had been strongly asked to be harmoniouscalm, that is to keep a low profile, at schools.

In formal English you can't start sentances with conjunctions ("and, but, because") although people do it a lot. In this case it sounds a bit too strange even for informal speech. We use tricks like starting a sentance with "this is" to make it clear that the "because" is referring to the previous sentence. Also, "harmonious" is a strange word to use in this context, something like "disciplined" or "calm" might work.

WatchingI thought the New York Times site, I found it certainly simply descrbibed their biographies very simply.

We would usually use the word "Reading" instead of "watching". I rephrased the sentance a lot to make clear that the issue you had was that the biographies were too simple. Often putting description at the end of a sentance in English shows to the reader that you are concerned about that specific element of the object you are describing. For example, "I thought the ice cream was cold" shows that you are more interested in the fact that the ice cream is "cold", rather than the fact that it is an ice cream.

About aFor example, one person;

Helped drive the family car along Route 66.

Another;

Loved to don Groucho glasses and tell jokes.

Another;

Liked his bacon and hash browns crispy.

As I read their simple biographies, tears rolled down my face naturally.

I don't know them at all and I've never been to America, but I feel an affinity with them because I can imagine what they are like from the biographies.

The New York Times staff collectworked hard theseo collect this information.

I think they did a great job.

I believe that a Japanese news site would describe about me somedayme like this.

Shiera 108 Tokyo;

Liked daydreaming happily during work in the office.

Feedback

I really liked reading this journal, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope my comments are helpful.

yammy's avatar
yammy

May 25, 2020

0

I don't know them at all and I've never been to America, but I feel an affinity with them because I can imagine what they are like from the biographies.

This is a very well written sentance by the way!

shiera's avatar
shiera

May 25, 2020

0

Thank you for the corrections.

shin1's avatar
shin1

May 25, 2020

0

Great piece, Shiera. You already got amazing corrections and I can’t really add to those. We use ‘potted’ most often in the ‘potted history’ phrase. Outside of that it’s hard to get right but you did really well.

shiera's avatar
shiera

May 26, 2020

0

Understood. Thank you for teaching.

The New York Times


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

A Japanese news site introduced the New York Times listed the deceased from the coronavirus with their names, ages and potted biographies.


A Japanese news site introducdisplayed the New York Times listed the deceased from the of those who had died of coronavirus with their names, ages and pottedsmall biographies.

I took some liberties correcting this. I changed "Listed the deceased from the coronavirus" to "list of those who had died of coronavirus" because the sentance is describing an object (the new york times list" so we need to use the noun form of list instead of the verb, and describe it using the right grammar. Hope that makes sense.

A Japanese news site introducshowed the New York Times listed the deceas of those who died from the coronavirus with their names, ages and pottedsmall biographies.

The vocabulary that was changed was because it was very uncommon. Some small grammar errors but I think that is just because you made a long sentence :).

Describing each potted biography could never happen in Japan.


Describing each pottederson's biography could never happen in Japan.

I don't really know what you mean by "potted" biograpghy. You mean each person's?

Describing each pottederson's biography could never happen in Japan.

Because we had been strongly asked to be harmonious, that is to keep a low profile, at schools.


BThis is because we had been strongly asked to be harmoniouscalm, that is to keep a low profile, at schools.

In formal English you can't start sentances with conjunctions ("and, but, because") although people do it a lot. In this case it sounds a bit too strange even for informal speech. We use tricks like starting a sentance with "this is" to make it clear that the "because" is referring to the previous sentence. Also, "harmonious" is a strange word to use in this context, something like "disciplined" or "calm" might work.

BThis is because we had been strongly asked to be harmonious, that is to keep a low profile, at schools.

Watching the New York Times site, I found it certainly simply descrbied their biographies.


WatchingI thought the New York Times site, I found it certainly simply descrbibed their biographies very simply.

We would usually use the word "Reading" instead of "watching". I rephrased the sentance a lot to make clear that the issue you had was that the biographies were too simple. Often putting description at the end of a sentance in English shows to the reader that you are concerned about that specific element of the object you are describing. For example, "I thought the ice cream was cold" shows that you are more interested in the fact that the ice cream is "cold", rather than the fact that it is an ice cream.

WatchingLooking at the New York Times site, I found it certainly simply descrbibed their biographies simply.

About a person;


About aFor example, one person;

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Helped drive the family car along Route 66.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Another;


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Loved to don Groucho glasses and tell jokes.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Loved to donwear Groucho glasses and tell jokes.

"Don" is fine in this context but be careful with it :)

Another;


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Liked his bacon and hash browns crispy.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

As I read their simple biographies, tears rolle down my face naturally.


As I read their simple biographies, tears rolled down my face naturally.

As I read their simple biographies, tears naturally rolled down my face naturally.

"Tears rolled down my face naturally" Is fine as well however it can sound more like your describing the tears movement down your face and not that it is natural to cry while reading the biographies.

I don't know them at all and I've never been to America, but I feel a affinity with them because I can imagine what they are like from the biographies.


The New York Times staff collected hard these information.


The New York Times staff collectworked hard theseo collect this information.

The New York Times staff collectworked hard theseo collect this information.

I think they did a great job.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I believe a Japanese news site would describe about me someday.


I believe that a Japanese news site would describe about me somedayme like this.

I believe a Japanese news site wouldill describe about me someday.

Shiera 108 Tokyo;


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Liked daydreaming happily during work in the office.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I don't know them at all and I've never been to America, but I feel an affinity with them because I can imagine what they are like from the biographies.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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