voidKamen's avatar
voidKamen

April 2, 2024

0
The Mystery of My White Hair

I listened to my mother say it, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he was married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you are hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head." I couldn't help but sigh, " Wow, it's a miracle. " Lying in bed, I pondered over mother's words. I kept on chattering though on one is listening," Maybe there is a curse, which every male will grow white hair when they grow up to the age of 15, and it only exists on my family; ""It can only be inherited, not eradicated. " Consequently, I thought my cousin's white hair didn't disappear absolutely, just transferred all his white hairs from him to his baby boy. When the baby grows up to the age of 15, he will live in the shadow of white hairs. But who originally brought the curse to my family? and what's his intention? I can't sleep because I'm preoccupied with these thoughts. (It's a fiction novel, don't take it seriously by the way.)

Corrections

The Mystery of My White Hair

I listened to my mother say it, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he was married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you areand then it was hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head."

I couldn't help but sigh, " Wow, it's a miracle. "

Lying in bed, I pondered over my mother's words.

I kept on chattering though on one is listening," Maybe there is a curse, which every male will grow white hair when they grow up to the age of 15, and it only exists on my family; ""It can only be inherited, not eradicated. "

Consequently, I thought my cousin's white hair didn't disappear absolutely, just transferred all his white hairs from him to his baby boy.

When the baby grows up to the age of 15, he will live in the shadow of white hairs.

But who originally brought the curse to my family?

and what'What was his intention?

I caouldn't sleep because I'm was preoccupied with these thoughts.

(It's a fiction novel, don't take it seriously by the way.)

The Mystery of My White Hair

I listened to my mother say it, "The, "A cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) withas me in the past, but sinceafter he wasgot married and had his wife gaive birth to two lovely babies for him, now you areit is hard to look for afind a single white hair on the back of his head."

I couldn't help but sigh, " Wow, it's a miracle. "

Lying in bed, I pondered over my mother's words.

I kept on chamuttering though ono one is listening," "Maybe there is a curse, in which every malemen will grow white hair when they grow up to the age of 15, and it only exists oin my family; ""It can only be inherited, not eradicated. "

Consequently, I thoughimagined that my cousin's white hair didn't disappear absolutely,. It just transferred all his white hairs from him to his baby boy.

When the baby grows up to the age of 15, he will live in the shadow of his white hairs.

But who originally brought the curse to my family?

and what' was his intention?

I can't sleep because I'm preoccupied with these thoughts.

(It's from a fiction novel, so don't take it seriously, by the way.)

I listened to my mother say it, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he was married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you are hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head."

I listened to my mother say iting, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem isbeing the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he washad been married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you are hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head."

for him is redundant since it's implied here that the wife gave birth to his kids already. "for him" is like doing something of a favour. Eg. I cooked dinner for him because he came back home late. Here, mmm, not quite the case about having kids "for him".

I kept on chatterblabbering/ talking though ono one iwas listening," Maybe there is a curse, in which every male will grow white hair when they grow up toas soon as they reach the the age of 15, and it only exists oin my family; ""It can only be inherited, not eradicated. "

since this is past tense, change "no one is listening" to "no one was listening". Chattering usually is between two people, perhaps other synonyms.

Consequently, I thought my cousin's white hair didn't disappear absolucompletely, jusbut transferred all his white hairs from himther it had just transferred to his baby boy.

When the baby grows up to the age ofreaches 15, he will live in the shadow of white hairs.

But who originally brought theis curse to my family?

and what's hits intention?

perhaps the curse is a male? haha. If not i feel it is more appropriate

I can't sleep because I'm preoccupied with these thoughts.

Feedback

you are not elementary in english at all haha. Quite expressive, just some grammar stuff that needs to be worked on I feel. Jiayou!

voidKamen's avatar
voidKamen

April 4, 2024

0

you don't understand the meaning of the penultimate sentence, the curse is something not a person. "His intention" to denote the intention of the person who imposes the curse.

The Mystery of My White Hair


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I listened to my mother say it, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he was married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you are hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head."


I listened to my mother say iting, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem isbeing the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he washad been married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you are hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head."

for him is redundant since it's implied here that the wife gave birth to his kids already. "for him" is like doing something of a favour. Eg. I cooked dinner for him because he came back home late. Here, mmm, not quite the case about having kids "for him".

I listened to my mother say it, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he was married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you are hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head."

I listened to my mother say it, "The, "A cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) withas me in the past, but sinceafter he wasgot married and had his wife gaive birth to two lovely babies for him, now you areit is hard to look for afind a single white hair on the back of his head."

I listened to my mother say it, "The cousin of mine faced the same problem (the problem is the growth of white hair) with me in the past, but since he was married and his wife gave birth to two lovely babies for him, now you areand then it was hard to look for a white hair on the back of his head."

I couldn't help but sigh, " Wow, it's a miracle. "


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Lying in bed, I pondered over mother's words.


Lying in bed, I pondered over my mother's words.

Lying in bed, I pondered over my mother's words.

I kept on chattering though on one is listening," Maybe there is a curse, which every male will grow white hair when they grow up to the age of 15, and it only exists on my family; ""It can only be inherited, not eradicated. "


I kept on chatterblabbering/ talking though ono one iwas listening," Maybe there is a curse, in which every male will grow white hair when they grow up toas soon as they reach the the age of 15, and it only exists oin my family; ""It can only be inherited, not eradicated. "

since this is past tense, change "no one is listening" to "no one was listening". Chattering usually is between two people, perhaps other synonyms.

I kept on chamuttering though ono one is listening," "Maybe there is a curse, in which every malemen will grow white hair when they grow up to the age of 15, and it only exists oin my family; ""It can only be inherited, not eradicated. "

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I can't sleep because I'm preoccupied with these thoughts.


I can't sleep because I'm preoccupied with these thoughts.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I caouldn't sleep because I'm was preoccupied with these thoughts.

(It's a fiction novel, don't take it seriously by the way.)


(It's from a fiction novel, so don't take it seriously, by the way.)

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Consequently, I thought my cousin's white hair didn't disappear absolutely, just transferred all his white hairs from him to his baby boy.


Consequently, I thought my cousin's white hair didn't disappear absolucompletely, jusbut transferred all his white hairs from himther it had just transferred to his baby boy.

Consequently, I thoughimagined that my cousin's white hair didn't disappear absolutely,. It just transferred all his white hairs from him to his baby boy.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

When the baby grows up to the age of 15, he will live in the shadow of white hairs.


When the baby grows up to the age ofreaches 15, he will live in the shadow of white hairs.

When the baby grows up to the age of 15, he will live in the shadow of his white hairs.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

But who originally brought the curse to my family?


But who originally brought theis curse to my family?

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

and what's his intention?


and what's hits intention?

perhaps the curse is a male? haha. If not i feel it is more appropriate

and what' was his intention?

and what'What was his intention?

You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.

Go Premium