March 22, 2023
The Little Filmmaker's Big Win
She and the other competitors were waiting to hear the result of the film competition. She was very nervous as it was her first film-maker project. She had made a both simple and budget film, using things she had got around: her house, her friends and her camera. It was a short story about a girl who have just broken up with her boyfriend after living together for three years. It shows what she go throught over the next months, and emphasizes the importance of moving forward, despite the difficulties that happen in life.
The judges had such a grumpy face and they had already said which participants had already been eliminated. She was among the five finalists. "I am not going to win, their films are much better" She thought. But against all odds, she ended up winning. She still couldn't believe it. Then, she went on the stage and dedicated a few words to all people who helped her and without whose help he would never have made it.
The Little Filmmaker's Big Win
She and the other competitors were waiting to hear the results of the film competition.
She was very nervous as it was her first film-maker project.
She had made a both a simple and budget film, using things she had got around her: her house, her friends and her camera.
It was a short story about a girl who haved just broken up with her boyfriend after living together with him for three years.
It shows what she goes throught over the nextfollowing months, and emphasizes the importance of moving forward, despite the difficulties that happen in life.
The judges had such a grumpy faces and they had already said which participants had already been eliminated.
She was among the five finalists.
"I am not going to win, because their films are much better," Sshe thought.
But against all odds, she ended up winning.
She still couldn't believe it.
Then, she went on the stage and dedicated a few words to all the people who had helped her and without whose help she would never have been able to madke it.
Feedback
Nice story and well written!
The Little Filmmaker's Big Win
She (It's better to use her name here) and the other competitors were waiting to hear the result of the film competition.
Using her name instead of "she" sounds more natural
She was very nervous as it was her first film-makering project.
It's film-making unless the name of the project itself is 'film-maker'
She had made a both simple and , low-budget film, using things that she had got around her: her house, her friends and her camera.
It was a short story about a girl who haved just broken up with her boyfriend after living together for three years.
It shows what she gowent throught over the nextfollowing months, and emphasizes the importance of moving forward, despite the difficulties that happenmay arise in life.
'The difficulties that happen' is perfectly understandable but it doesn't sound completely natural to me.
The judges had such aquite grumpy faces and they had already saiannounced which participants had already been eliminated.
'Said' is fine but 'announced' is better
She was among the five finalists.
"I am not going to win, their films are much better," Sshe thought.
But against all odds, she ended up winning.
She still couldn't believe it.
Then, she went on the stage and dedicated a few words to all the people who had helped her, and without whose help she would nevernever would have made it.
Feedback
Great job! Very interesting to read :)
March 22, 2023
Thanks for correcting me :DD
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The Little Filmmaker's Big Win This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She and the other competitors were waiting to hear the result of the film competition. She (It's better to use her name here) and the other competitors were waiting to hear the result of the film competition. Using her name instead of "she" sounds more natural She and the other competitors were waiting to hear the results of the film competition. |
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She was very nervous as it was her first film-maker project. She was very nervous as it was her first film-mak It's film-making unless the name of the project itself is 'film-maker' She was very nervous as it was her first film |
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She had made a both simple and budget film, using things she had got around: her house, her friends and her camera. She had made a She had made |
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It was a short story about a girl who have just broken up with her boyfriend after living together for three years. It was a short story about a girl who ha It was a short story about a girl who ha |
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It shows what she go throught over the next months, and emphasizes the importance of moving forward, despite the difficulties that happen in life. It shows what she 'The difficulties that happen' is perfectly understandable but it doesn't sound completely natural to me. It shows what she goes through |
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The judges had such a grumpy face and they had already said which participants had already been eliminated. The judges had 'Said' is fine but 'announced' is better The judges had such |
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She was among the five finalists. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"I am not going to win, their films are much better" She thought. "I am not going to win, their films are much better," "I am not going to win |
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But against all odds, she ended up winning. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She still couldn't believe it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Then, she went on the stage and dedicated a few words to all people who helped her and without whose help he would never have made it. Then Then, she went on |
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