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vector341

Jan. 4, 2023

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The Cycle of Empire

Tips:
It a retelling of a listening material in test and I put the original article in the notes.

My writing:
A medieval scholar argued that identity and unity play more important role in the flourish of empire rather than fate or opportunity. He used the term asabiyyah that means a group feeling or social cohesion to quantify the inner power of an empire. The asabiyyah helps society form the communal virtue and makes a powerful empire.

Usually, nomadic society have stronger asabiyyah than sedentary society because they move together, depend on each other and share the same resource and common goal. As a result, the nomadic society is tend to take over sedentary society. However, after the conquest, the nomadic society is actually sedentary and lose their asabiyyah.

The process is divided into five steps as follows:

First, conquest. The nomads are thirsty for the luxury the sedentary society enjoys so they start attacking and finally win the war against the fading military of sedentary society.

Second, consolidation. The leader of nomadic tribe become the king of the empire and rules the conquered sedentary people.

Third, integration. One example is that the nomadic society has the own language but lacks writing system, so they use the sedentary society character. The integration happens in literature, art and more fields.

Fourth, decadence. As the upper class in the empire, the nomads favor luxury more than work inevitably so they lose the traditional virtue like military skills. Finally, the asabiyyah weaken.

Fifth, downfall. Other society with strong asabiyyah is interested in the empire and takes over the decay society. The cycle repeats over and over again.

The example to the theory is the rise and fall of the Mongol Empire. It expanded rapidly but collapsed suddenly, which happened only in one century. Under the leadership of Genghis Khan, the empire grew into a transcontinental empire but after the death of Khan the dispute among his descendants spilt the country and the civil war ruined the empire. The interesting part is that the topic of the dispute is whether Mongol Empire became a sedentary society or stayed nomadic. It corresponds to the idea that sedentary society have disadvantage in asabiyyah.

Personally, I am interested in the passage because the conflict and integration between nomadic and sedentary society is the main plot through Chinese history. In addition, the cycle of empire is researched and explained by many famous Chinese historians and politicians. I learned and read many passages about it in Chinese but it's the first time I find someone explains it in English. The term asabiyyah is an innovational concept to explain it for me.


The original passage:

Have you all heard of the Mongol Empire? Of course you have, but I'll give you a little refresher. The Mongols were a nomadic people from the steppes of Asia that came to rule most of Asia and the Middle East, and even a good portion of Eastern Europe. The story goes like this: the Mongol tribes were united under Genghis Khan, and they began conquering their neighbors in the early 1200s. Within 50 years, they had become the largest empire in history. But shortly thereafter, civil war fragmented the empire, and by 1300 it had ended. This cycle of empire building and decline has repeated throughout human history around the world, but why? According to the medieval historian Abd al-Rahman Ibn Khaldun, this "cycle of empire" is a part of human nature and unavoidable.
Ibn Khaldun was an Arabic scholar and politician who served under many rulers in North Africa and the Middle East. During his career, he witnessed the rise and fall of many kingdoms, and he read extensively about the empires of the past. He developed explanations for the rise and fall of empires that were based upon natural and scientific influences rather than on spirits or fate. He believed that climate was very important because he thought it influenced most aspects of people's lives and even determined aspects of their overall personalities. While he considered economic factors to be important … he thought that religion had much more influence on societies. Religion brought people together … it created a group identity that was necessary for societies to succeed. He did not think that any society was superior to another, but he divided them into two basic classes: nomadic and sedentary. More about those two classes in a moment.
Ibn Khaldun used the term asabiyyah to describe the bond that holds groups together. Asabiyyah is an Arabic term that translates to "group feeling." It is a concept of solidarity within a society that emphasizes unity, group consciousness, and a sense of a shared purpose … that everyone is working towards the same goal that benefits the group as a whole. The term was originally used to describe tribalism and clanism, although it need not be based on nomadic societies or blood relations.
Remember that Ibn Khaldun divided people into two classes: nomadic and sedentary? Well, Ⓐhe believed that asabiyyah is strongest among nomadic people—people who move around together, depend on each other for survival, and share the same resources and goals. ⒷIbn Khaldun believed that asabiyyah is strongest among such societies, but asabiyyah decreases as a society becomes sedentary and "civilized." ⒸSedentary people don't move around, but they can produce a wider variety of products and services, which are beneficial. But producing different products causes a society to lose its shared goal. This loss of a shared goal weakens the society, and eventually another culture with greater asabiyyah will move in and take control. ⒹThis generates a predictable cycle of sedentary societies being taken over by nomadic societies that all empires and dynasties are destined to repeat. Let's take a closer look …
(Conquest)
First, conquest. A nomadic tribe that lives on the edges of a more advanced, sedentary society sees the wealth and comfort that the sedentary, civilized society enjoys. Often, the nomadic tribe begins to mix with the sedentary society through intermarriage, but in many cases, they take over by defeating the sedentary society's military. Once the nomadic tribe has gained control, it begins to influence the sedentary culture in various ways.
(Consolidation)
Next, consolidation. The nomadic leaders now have much more land and people to govern, so the leader of the nomads typically becomes the new king. Ibn Khaldun noted quite accurately that monarchy is the most common form of government throughout history for very good reasons.
(Integration)
Then, integration. As the nomads consolidate their power, they become integrated into the sedentary society, and a new civilization emerges that is an amalgam, a combination, of both cultures. This generates many inventions and achievements in art, science, philosophy, architecture, and literature. For example, the former nomads may require everyone to speak their language, but they lack their own writing system. So, the two societies and languages become intertwined as the conquerors begin to use the writing system of the conquered for their own language.
(Decadence)
After that, decadence. As the wealth and power of the former nomads grow, the bonds of society begin to weaken. The people become more concerned with luxury than work, and traditional virtues, like military skill, might be lost. The imbalance of wealth erodes asabiyyah, and divisions begin to appear in the previously united society.
(Downfall)
Finally, downfall. Social strife and the weakness of society attract the attention of new nomadic tribes on the edges of the society. These so-called barbarians are drawn in like sharks smelling blood in the water, and they attack. They destroy or conquer the sedentary society, and the cycle repeats.
According to Ibn Khaldun, dynasties rarely last more than three generations of roughly 40 years each, so 120 years or so. This certainly holds true for the Mongol Empire, right? The civil wars that divided the Mongol Empire occurred after the death of Mongke Khan, who was Genghis Khan's grandson. Kublai Khan, another grandson, held onto portions of the empire for a few more decades, but it was essentially gone after his death in 1294. So the Mongol Empire went through conquest, consolidation, integration, decadence, and downfall in less than a century. Even the greatest empire in history conformed to Ibn Khaldun's cycle of Empire.

Corrections

The Cycle of Empires

ItThis is a retelling of a listening material in a test andso I put the original article in the notes.

Every declarative sentence in English needs a subject (S) and a verb (V).

A medieval scholar argued that identity and unity play more important roles in the flourish ofing of an empire rather than fate or opportunity.

"Identity and unity" is plural so we need to refer to them as "roles."

He used the term asabiyyah thatwhich means a group feeling or social cohesion to quantify the inner power of an empire.

The asabiyyah helps society form the communal virtues and makes a powerful empire.

Usually, nomadic societyies have stronger asabiyyah than sedentary societyies because they move together, depend on each other and share the same resources and common goals.

As a result, thea nomadic society is tends to take over a sedentary societyone.

However, aAfter the conquest, however, the nomadic society is actually becomes sedentary and loses their asabiyyah.

We avoid beginning sentences with "however" when writing.

The process is divided into five steps as follows:

First, is conquest.

The nomads are thirsty for the luxury the sedentary society enjoys so they start attacking and finally win the war against the fading military of the sedentary society.

Second, is consolidation.

The leader of the nomadic tribe becomes the king of the empire and rules the conquered sedentary people.

Third, is integration.

One example is that the nomadic society has their own language but lacks a writing system, so they use the syllabary of the sedentary society character.

The integration happens in literature, art and more fields.

Fourth, is decadence.

As the upper class in the empire, the nomads inevitably favor luxury more than work inevitably so they lose their traditional virtue likeattributes like their military skillprowess.

FinallyThus, their asabiyyah weakens.

Fifth, is downfall.

OAnother society with strong asabiyyah is interested in the empire and takes over the decay societyed one.

The cycle repeats over and over again.

TheAn example tof theis theory is the rise and fall of the Mongol Empire.

It expanded rapidly but collapsed suddenly, which happened. It took only in one century.

Under the leadership of Genghis Khan, the empire grew into a transcontinental empire but, after thehis death of Khan, the dispute among his descendants spilit the country and the resulting civil war ruined the empire.

The interesting part is that the topic of the disputedisagreement is whether the Mongol Empire became a sedentary society or stayed a nomadic one.

Watch for parallel construction. Since "dispute" was already used in the previous sentence, I replaced it with "disagreement" here.

It corresponds to the idea that sedentary societyies have a disadvantage in regards to asabiyyah.

Personally, I am interested in the passage because the conflict and integration between nomadic and sedentary society isies are the main plotthemes throughout Chinese history.

In addition, the cycle of empires is researched and explained by many famous Chinese historians and politicians.

I have learned and read many passages about it in Chinese but it's the first time I fihave found someone who has explainsed it in English.

To me, the term asabiyyah is an innovationalve concept to explain it for meused to describe it.

Feedback

Very interesting. Well done!

The Cycle of an Empire

Though I read the notes and saw that "cycle of empire" was used, I feel like "The Cycle of an Empire" or "The Cycle of Empires" is more grammatically correct.

Tips:

It's a retelling of a listening material in a test and I put the original article in the notes.

My writing:

A medieval scholar argued that identity and unity play a more important role in the flourishing of empire rather than fate or opportunity.

He used the term "asabiyyah that" which means a group feeling or social cohesion to quantify the inner power of an empire.

The aAsabiyyah helps a society form thea communal virtue and makes a powerful empire.

Usually, a nomadic society haves stronger asabiyyah than a sedentary society because they move together, depend on each other and share the same resource and a common goal.

As a result, the nomadic society is tends to take over the sedentary societyone.

However, after the conquest, the nomadic society is actually becomes sedentary and loses their asabiyyah.

Theis process is divided into five steps as follows:

First, conquest.

The nomads are thirsty for the luxury the sedentary society enjoys so they start attacking and finally win the war against the fading military of sedentary society.

Second, consolidation.

The leader of the nomadic tribe becomes the king of the empire and rules the conquered sedentary people.

Third, integration.

One example is that the nomadic society has theits own language but lacks a writing system, so they use the sedentary society's characters.

Instead of "characters", you could also say "alphabet"

Theis integration happens in literature, art and moreany other fields.

Fourth, decadence.

As the upper class in the empire, the nomads favor luxury more than work so inevitably so, they lose their traditional virtues like military skills.

Finally, the asabiyyah weakens.

Or "Finally, asabiyyah weakens."

Fifth, downfall.

OAnother society with strong asabiyyah is interested in the empire and takes over the decaying society.

The cycle repeats over and over again.

TheAn example tof theis theory is the rise and fall of the Mongol Empire.

It expanded rapidly but collapsed suddenly, whichand all that happened in only in one century.

Under the leadership of Genghis Khan, the empire grew into a transcontinental empire but after the death of Khan, the dispute among his descendants spilt the country and the civil war ruined the empire.

The interesting part is that the topic of the dispute is whether Mongol Empire became a sedentary society or stayed nomadic.

It corresponds to the idea that sedentary society havies are disadvantage ind when it comes to asabiyyah.

Personally, I am interested in the passage because the conflict and integration between nomadic and sedentary societyies is the main plot through Chinese history.

In addition, the cycle of empires is researched and explained by many famous Chinese historians and politicians.

I learned and read many passages about it in Chinese but it's the first time I find someone that explains it in English.

The term asabiyyah is an innovational concept to explain it for me.

The Cycle of Empire


The Cycle of an Empire

Though I read the notes and saw that "cycle of empire" was used, I feel like "The Cycle of an Empire" or "The Cycle of Empires" is more grammatically correct.

The Cycle of Empires

Tips:


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It a retelling of a listening material in test and I put the original article in the notes.


It's a retelling of a listening material in a test and I put the original article in the notes.

ItThis is a retelling of a listening material in a test andso I put the original article in the notes.

Every declarative sentence in English needs a subject (S) and a verb (V).

My writing:


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

A medieval scholar argued that identity and unity play more important role in the flourish of empire rather than fate or opportunity.


A medieval scholar argued that identity and unity play a more important role in the flourishing of empire rather than fate or opportunity.

A medieval scholar argued that identity and unity play more important roles in the flourish ofing of an empire rather than fate or opportunity.

"Identity and unity" is plural so we need to refer to them as "roles."

He used the term asabiyyah that means a group feeling or social cohesion to quantify the inner power of an empire.


He used the term "asabiyyah that" which means a group feeling or social cohesion to quantify the inner power of an empire.

He used the term asabiyyah thatwhich means a group feeling or social cohesion to quantify the inner power of an empire.

The asabiyyah helps society form the communal virtue and makes a powerful empire.


The aAsabiyyah helps a society form thea communal virtue and makes a powerful empire.

The asabiyyah helps society form the communal virtues and makes a powerful empire.

Usually, nomadic society have stronger asabiyyah than sedentary society because they move together, depend on each other and share the same resource and common goal.


Usually, a nomadic society haves stronger asabiyyah than a sedentary society because they move together, depend on each other and share the same resource and a common goal.

Usually, nomadic societyies have stronger asabiyyah than sedentary societyies because they move together, depend on each other and share the same resources and common goals.

As a result, the nomadic society is tend to take over sedentary society.


As a result, the nomadic society is tends to take over the sedentary societyone.

As a result, thea nomadic society is tends to take over a sedentary societyone.

However, after the conquest, the nomadic society is actually sedentary and lose their asabiyyah.


However, after the conquest, the nomadic society is actually becomes sedentary and loses their asabiyyah.

However, aAfter the conquest, however, the nomadic society is actually becomes sedentary and loses their asabiyyah.

We avoid beginning sentences with "however" when writing.

The process is divided into five steps as follows:


Theis process is divided into five steps as follows:

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

First, conquest.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

First, is conquest.

The nomads are thirsty for the luxury the sedentary society enjoys so they start attacking and finally win the war against the fading military of sedentary society.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The nomads are thirsty for the luxury the sedentary society enjoys so they start attacking and finally win the war against the fading military of the sedentary society.

Second, consolidation.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Second, is consolidation.

The leader of nomadic tribe become the king of the empire and rules the conquered sedentary people.


The leader of the nomadic tribe becomes the king of the empire and rules the conquered sedentary people.

The leader of the nomadic tribe becomes the king of the empire and rules the conquered sedentary people.

Third, integration.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Third, is integration.

One example is that the nomadic society has the own language but lacks writing system, so they use the sedentary society character.


One example is that the nomadic society has theits own language but lacks a writing system, so they use the sedentary society's characters.

Instead of "characters", you could also say "alphabet"

One example is that the nomadic society has their own language but lacks a writing system, so they use the syllabary of the sedentary society character.

The integration happens in literature, art and more fields.


Theis integration happens in literature, art and moreany other fields.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Fourth, decadence.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Fourth, is decadence.

As the upper class in the empire, the nomads favor luxury more than work inevitably so they lose the traditional virtue like military skills.


As the upper class in the empire, the nomads favor luxury more than work so inevitably so, they lose their traditional virtues like military skills.

As the upper class in the empire, the nomads inevitably favor luxury more than work inevitably so they lose their traditional virtue likeattributes like their military skillprowess.

Finally, the asabiyyah weaken.


Finally, the asabiyyah weakens.

Or "Finally, asabiyyah weakens."

FinallyThus, their asabiyyah weakens.

Fifth, downfall.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Fifth, is downfall.

Other society with strong asabiyyah is interested in the empire and takes over the decay society.


OAnother society with strong asabiyyah is interested in the empire and takes over the decaying society.

OAnother society with strong asabiyyah is interested in the empire and takes over the decay societyed one.

The cycle repeats over and over again.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The example to the theory is the rise and fall of the Mongol Empire.


TheAn example tof theis theory is the rise and fall of the Mongol Empire.

TheAn example tof theis theory is the rise and fall of the Mongol Empire.

It expanded rapidly but collapsed suddenly, which happened only in one century.


It expanded rapidly but collapsed suddenly, whichand all that happened in only in one century.

It expanded rapidly but collapsed suddenly, which happened. It took only in one century.

Under the leadership of Genghis Khan, the empire grew into a transcontinental empire but after the death of Khan the dispute among his descendants spilt the country and the civil war ruined the empire.


Under the leadership of Genghis Khan, the empire grew into a transcontinental empire but after the death of Khan, the dispute among his descendants spilt the country and the civil war ruined the empire.

Under the leadership of Genghis Khan, the empire grew into a transcontinental empire but, after thehis death of Khan, the dispute among his descendants spilit the country and the resulting civil war ruined the empire.

The interesting part is that the topic of the dispute is whether Mongol Empire became a sedentary society or stayed nomadic.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The interesting part is that the topic of the disputedisagreement is whether the Mongol Empire became a sedentary society or stayed a nomadic one.

Watch for parallel construction. Since "dispute" was already used in the previous sentence, I replaced it with "disagreement" here.

It corresponds to the idea that sedentary society have disadvantage in asabiyyah.


It corresponds to the idea that sedentary society havies are disadvantage ind when it comes to asabiyyah.

It corresponds to the idea that sedentary societyies have a disadvantage in regards to asabiyyah.

Personally, I am interested in the passage because the conflict and integration between nomadic and sedentary society is the main plot through Chinese history.


Personally, I am interested in the passage because the conflict and integration between nomadic and sedentary societyies is the main plot through Chinese history.

Personally, I am interested in the passage because the conflict and integration between nomadic and sedentary society isies are the main plotthemes throughout Chinese history.

In addition, the cycle of empire is researched and explained by many famous Chinese historians and politicians.


In addition, the cycle of empires is researched and explained by many famous Chinese historians and politicians.

In addition, the cycle of empires is researched and explained by many famous Chinese historians and politicians.

I learned and read many passages about it in Chinese but it's the first time I find someone explains it in English.


I learned and read many passages about it in Chinese but it's the first time I find someone that explains it in English.

I have learned and read many passages about it in Chinese but it's the first time I fihave found someone who has explainsed it in English.

The term asabiyyah is an innovational concept to explain it for me.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

To me, the term asabiyyah is an innovationalve concept to explain it for meused to describe it.

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