Kindred Spirit

Aug. 5, 2025

Story of Ratnag part-7

One day, King Akram’s younger brother, Bikram, went into the jungle to hunt. While searching for prey, he saw a black jackal. He tried to hunt it, but the jackal was very fast. Determined, Bikram began to chase it.
After a difficult chase through the forest, Bikram finally managed to shoot some arrows at the jackal and believed he had killed it. But after a short while, the jackal stood up still alive and ran into a cave. Bikram, surprised, followed the jackal into the darkness.
The cave was very dark, and Bikram couldn’t see anything clearly. Suddenly, he heard the scream of a woman calling for help. Alarmed, he thought, “Someone is in danger! I must help her.”
Following the voice, Bikram reached a strange place inside the cave, where he saw two women performing magic on the body of another woman. The soul of the woman was trapped inside a glass jar. The scene was terrifying.
Just then, the jackal entered the place. It was injured. One of the women screamed in anger, “Who did this to you?”
To Bikram’s shock, the jackal spoke in a human voice, “King Akram’s brother, Bikram, did this to me. He’s in the cave!”
Bikram, hiding nearby, felt nervous upon hearing the jackal say his name. One of the women shouted, “Bikram! How dare you hurt my jackal? Today is the last day of your life!”
Then, the women performed a dark ritual on the dead body of the trapped woman. Suddenly, the body came to life and attacked Bikram. He fought bravely.
During the fight, one of the dead women paused. Bikram asked, “Are you Naeena, the Princess of Heartpur?”
The woman doing the ritual replied, “Yes, she is. But she is dead now, and her body and soul are under my control.”
A very dangerous fight broke out between Bikram and Naeena. Just then, one of the witches appeared behind Bikram and stabbed him in the back with a magical knife. Blood flowed from his wound. Bikram was badly injured and could no longer fight well. Naeena easily cut off his head and killed him.
After that, the two women revealed their true identity — they were evil witches who had planned to destroy the royal family of King Akram. One of them took Bikram’s body and performed a dark ritual, trapping his soul in a magical jar.
In that magical jar, Bikram’s soul met the soul of Naeena, who told him everything about the witches’ evil plan.

@story
Corrections

Determined, Bikram began to chase it.

You could also write something like 'Determined, Bikram started chasing it.'

Alarmed, he thought, “Someone is in danger!

In English, thoughts are usually put in italics not quotation marks so 'Someone is in danger!' would normally be put in italics in a book

Just tThen, the jackal entered the place.

Just at the start of the sentence is not required to highlight that at that point, the jackal entered

One of the women screamed in anger, “Who did this to you?”
To Bikram’s shock, the jackal spoke in a human voice, “King Akram’s brother, Bikram, did this to me.

Nice use of 'scream' to describe how the women said the words !

Naeena easily cut off his head and killed him.

'cut off his head' is more formal, you could write this as 'cut his head off' if you wanted it to be slightly less formal

After that, the two women revealed their true identity — they were the evil witches who had planned to destroy the royal family of King Akram.

Added 'the' to emphasize that these are not just any random witches in this world but these are THE witches that planned to destroy the royal family

Feedback

Grammar and spelling very good as always :) Happy to see that you are using quotations correctly and now using adjectives to better describe the dialogue in the story ! You're are improving every time I read your texts :)

Story of Ratnag part-7


One day, King Akram’s younger brother, Bikram, went into the jungle to hunt.


While searching for prey, he saw a black jackal.


He tried to hunt it, but the jackal was very fast.


Determined, Bikram began to chase it.


Determined, Bikram began to chase it.

You could also write something like 'Determined, Bikram started chasing it.'

After a difficult chase through the forest, Bikram finally managed to shoot some arrows at the jackal and believed he had killed it.


But after a short while, the jackal stood up still alive and ran into a cave.


Bikram, surprised, followed the jackal into the darkness.


The cave was very dark, and Bikram couldn’t see anything clearly.


I must help her.” Following the voice, Bikram reached a strange place inside the cave, where he saw two women performing magic on the body of another woman.


The soul of the woman was trapped inside a glass jar.


The scene was terrifying.


Just then, the jackal entered the place.


Just tThen, the jackal entered the place.

Just at the start of the sentence is not required to highlight that at that point, the jackal entered

It was injured.


One of the women screamed in anger, “Who did this to you?” To Bikram’s shock, the jackal spoke in a human voice, “King Akram’s brother, Bikram, did this to me.


One of the women screamed in anger, “Who did this to you?”
To Bikram’s shock, the jackal spoke in a human voice, “King Akram’s brother, Bikram, did this to me.

Nice use of 'scream' to describe how the women said the words !

He’s in the cave!” Bikram, hiding nearby, felt nervous upon hearing the jackal say his name.


One of the women shouted, “Bikram!


How dare you hurt my jackal?


Today is the last day of your life!” Then, the women performed a dark ritual on the dead body of the trapped woman.


Suddenly, the body came to life and attacked Bikram.


He fought bravely.


During the fight, one of the dead women paused.


Bikram asked, “Are you Naeena, the Princess of Heartpur?” The woman doing the ritual replied, “Yes, she is.


But she is dead now, and her body and soul are under my control.” A very dangerous fight broke out between Bikram and Naeena.


Just then, one of the witches appeared behind Bikram and stabbed him in the back with a magical knife.


Blood flowed from his wound.


Bikram was badly injured and could no longer fight well.


Naeena easily cut off his head and killed him.


Naeena easily cut off his head and killed him.

'cut off his head' is more formal, you could write this as 'cut his head off' if you wanted it to be slightly less formal

After that, the two women revealed their true identity — they were evil witches who had planned to destroy the royal family of King Akram.


After that, the two women revealed their true identity — they were the evil witches who had planned to destroy the royal family of King Akram.

Added 'the' to emphasize that these are not just any random witches in this world but these are THE witches that planned to destroy the royal family

One of them took Bikram’s body and performed a dark ritual, trapping his soul in a magical jar.


In that magical jar, Bikram’s soul met the soul of Naeena, who told him everything about the witches’ evil plan.


Suddenly, he heard the scream of a woman calling for help.


Alarmed, he thought, “Someone is in danger!


Alarmed, he thought, “Someone is in danger!

In English, thoughts are usually put in italics not quotation marks so 'Someone is in danger!' would normally be put in italics in a book

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