Alok went to the room where the injured lady was resting and saiasked, ¶
“Miss, are you all right?” ¶
¶
¶
The lady replied, “Yes.

What you had was good too, but I think “asked” works better because it’s a question. To me it also expresses more genuine interest in the question and the lady’s response to it.

Thanks you for your help.

“Thanks” works as well but personally I tend to use “thank you” in more formal situations or with people I don’t know (but I think this is more personal opinion than anything else)

By the way, my name is Anna, what's your s?” ¶
¶
¶
“I am Alok,” Alok replied.

You can either say “what’s yours” (yours works here because it is implied that it means “your name” because of the context of the sentence. You can’t just use “your” without the ‘s’ it would need to be followed by a noun which would be “name” in this case) or “what’s your name”

“I am Alok” is also ok but it feels a little stiff and unnatural to me. I’d probably prefer either “I’m Alok” or “my name is Alok” (but saying “my name is Alok” would be repetitive here so I’d go with either “I’m Alok” or “I am Alok”)

“ I was thinkwondering… what were you doing in the jungle with these broken glass jars?” ¶
¶
¶
Anna gasped.

They have a slight nuance in their meanings so I’d recommend searching up the difference between thinking and wondering

Oh my God!” ¶
¶
¶
Alok saiasked, “What happened?

For the same reason as earlier. Using “said” too many times in a row also makes it feel disconnected and less like a story to me (in the sense that it feels more boring and less action packed because it’s just listing event after event) if that makes any sense? It’s kind of hard to explain.

If you wanted some more alternatives to avoid repeating “asked” you could use something like “questioned” or “enquired/inquired”.

As another alternative you can avoid having to use any of those words by only giving the dialogue after establishing the characters if you make it clear who’s speaking (which is easier when there are only two characters like here), such as by separating them into clear and distinct lines like you’ve done.

IWas something important in the jar?” ¶
¶
¶
Anna saianswered, “Yes, in that jar my brother’s soul and the soul of a lady were placed.” ¶
and a lady’s souls were in that jar.”¶
¶
Alok replied in shock, “What?!

To me “is” would be used if the jar was still intact - for example if it had only been stolen instead of broken.

I suggested “answered” just for another alternative.
The original phrasing of the second sentence felt very formal and awkward. It makes me think of something you’d see in a riddle or a legend because of the sentence structure starting with “in that jar” and ending with “were placed”.
“Placed” is also kind of implied here because of your use of “were”, and it also feels unnecessary because I feel like the point of this sentence was to say what was in the jar instead of to describe how the souls ended up in the jar in the first place if I understood it correctly.
My suggestion also still feels a little unnatural, but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it. Alternatively though, you could say “the souls of my brother and a lady were in that jar”, but I don’t usually see “the (noun) of…” being used as often as “‘s”.

I added an exclamation mark just to emphasise the shock.

Your brother’s soul was in a glass jar?

It depends on how it’s being delivered. When it’s written in a book or proper text like this, I feel like adding “was” is better grammatically, because without it it doesn’t really form an independent clause in my opinion. However, if it was just a transcript or heard spoken aloud, it would make sense to see it how you originally wrote it

Are you kidding me?” ¶
¶
Then ¶
¶
Alok started laughing.

Don’t need the “then” because it’s just a little unnecessary here

But Anna angrily sairetorted, “You think this is a joke?

Just for some more alternatives for “said”

This is not!” ¶
It isn’t!”¶
¶
Hearing this, Alok’s (faceial) expression changed, and he listened seriousattentively.

“It isn’t” or even “this is not a joke” sounds more natural.

“Face” is a noun, and so is “expression”. So you need to change “face” to an adjective, which makes it “facial”. It’s also a little unnecessary here, so you can choose to either include “facial” or not include it at all

“Attentively” is just for another alternative

HeIt was not an ordinary jackal.

I haven’t read the other parts so I don’t know the context for the jackal much. If there was a lot of interaction with the jackal, then “he” works well. But if there wasn’t much interaction beyond killing it, I think “it” is better.

HeIt was a magical jackal.” ¶
.Ӧ
¶
Alok said in surprise, “What?

(Make sure to keep it/he consistent here depending on what you choose in the last sentence)

My other change was just to avoid repeating “jackal”, but you could also say “it was a magical one” and still avoid repeating “jackal”

After that, I can tell you (more/all) about myself.”

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