Aug. 27, 2020
Story-3
Al was thirtheen who lived in a little house with his parents. They had not got much money so their life was difficult.
Al loved music, he played the guitar and wrote songs in a band. Al's parents often came and listened to the songs of band.
Al's sister Lisa was born, she was very little so everyone was very busy and tired in the family. Al was said that he could not play the guitar in his home by his mother. He could not concentrate at school and forgot to do his homework.
One day, Al knew Lisa's heart was not good, she needed an operation quickly.
The operation was very expensive, Al needed more money to help Lisa.
Al was very sad and did not know how to get more money. His grandfather had an idea and asked Al to write a song for Lisa.
Al found his band friends to disscuss about the song for Lisa. They decided open gig to earn the money and created song on website for people download it.
At last, Al's family could pay the operation for Lisa. After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to go America to do operation.
Story-3
Al was thirtheen whoand lived in a little house with his parents.
The other user’s correction is also correct, I just wanted to provide you with another way of writing this sentence.
They hadid not gothave much money so their life was difficult.
Al loved music, h. He played the guitar and wrote songs in a band.
The way you wrote it gets your point across but the correct way to write it would be to break up the sentences like this.
Al's parents often came and listened to the songs of the band.
When Al's sister Lisa was born, she was very little, so everyone was very busy and tired in the family.
Al was saidtold by his mother that he could not play the guitar in his home by his mother.
Placing “by his mother” at the end of the sentence can be confusing. For clarity, it is better to put it right after the mother’s action (told).
I would probably write the sentence this way to use active voice instead of passive voice:
Al’s mother told him that he could not play the guitar at home.
He could not concentrate at school and forgot to do his homework.
One day, Al knewfound out that Lisa's heart was not good, and that she needed an operation quickly.
“Knew” implies that Al has always had this knowledge.
“Found out” or “discovered” implies that this is new information for him.
The operation was very expensive, and Al needed more money to help Lisa.
Al was very sad and did not know how to get more money.
His grandfather had an idea and asked Al to write a song for Lisa.
Al found his band friends to disscuss about the song for Lisa.
Another way you could write this sentence:
“Al found his band friends to discuss Lisa’s song.”
They decided opento play a gig to earn the money and createdput the song on their website for people to download it.
At last, Al's family could pay thefor Lisa’s operation for Lisa.
After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to go America to do the operation.
Feedback
What a sweet story! Reading it made me think of my own sister and how much I love her. Great job!
Al was a thirtheen-year-old who lived in a little house with his parents.
They hadid not gothave much money, so their life was difficult.
Al loved music, h. He played the guitar and wrote songs in a band.
Al's parents often came and listened to the songs of bandband's songs.
When Al's sister Lisa was born, she was very little, so everyone was very busy and tired in the family.
Al was said's mother told him that he could not play the guitar in his home by his motherat home.
He could not concentrate at school and forgot to do his homework.
One day, Al knewfound out that Lisa's heart was not good, and that she needed an operation quickly.
The operation was very expensive, so Al needed more money to help Lisa.
Al was very sad and did not know how to get more money.
His grandfather had an idea and asked Al to write a song for Lisa.
Al found his band friends to disscuss about the song for Lisa.
They decided opento play a gig to earn the money and created a song on their website for people to download it.
At last, Al's family could pay for the operation for Lisa.
After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to go America to dofor the operation.
Aug. 27, 2020
One day, Al knewfound out that Lisa's heart was not good, and that she needed an operation quickly.
why does it use "and that"?
Aug. 27, 2020
You could technically leave out the "that," but I think this way makes it clearer that the need for an operation is among the two things that "Al found out": (1) that her heart was not good and (2) that she needed an operation.
You could also choose to make it a separate independent clause: "One day, Al found out that Lisa's heart was not good. She needed an operation quickly." It depends on whether you want to emphasize Al becoming aware of the situation, or just describe the situation with less emphasis on Al's perspective.
Aug. 28, 2020
Oh...."and that" is not mentioned in my dictionary and grammar books.
Story-3
Al was a thirtheen year old who lived in a little house with his parents.
They had not gotdidn’t have much money so their life was difficult.
Al loved music, he played the guitar and wrote songs in a band.
Al's parents often came and listened to the songs of band.
Al's sister Lisa was born, she was very little so everyone was very busy and tired in the family.
Al was saitold that he could not play the guitar in his home by his mother.
He could not concentrate at school and forgot to do his homework.
One day, Al knew Lisa's heart was not good, she needed an operation quickly.
The operation was very expensive, Al needed more money to help Lisa.
Al was very sad and did not know how to get more money.
His grandfather had an idea and asked Al to write a song for Lisa.
Al found his band friends toand disscuss abouted. with them writing the song for Lisa.
They decided opento perform a gig to earn the money and created uploaded a song onto a website for people to download it.
At last, Al's family could payafford the operation for Lisa.
After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to go America to dofor the operation.
Feedback
Really good job! Well done
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Story-3 This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Al was thirtheen who lived in a little house with his parents. Al was a thirt Al was a thirt Al was thirt The other user’s correction is also correct, I just wanted to provide you with another way of writing this sentence. |
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They had not got much money so their life was difficult. They They They |
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Al loved music, he played the guitar and wrote songs in a band. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Al loved music Al loved music The way you wrote it gets your point across but the correct way to write it would be to break up the sentences like this. |
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Al's parents often came and listened to the songs of band. Al's parents often came and listened to the Al's parents often came and listened to the Al's parents often came and listened to the songs of the band. |
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Al's sister Lisa was born, she was very little so everyone was very busy and tired in the family. This sentence has been marked as perfect! When Al's sister Lisa was born, she was very little, so everyone was very busy and tired in the family. When Al's sister Lisa was born, she was very little, so everyone was very busy and tired in the family. |
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Al was said that he could not play the guitar in his home by his mother. Al was Al Al was Placing “by his mother” at the end of the sentence can be confusing. For clarity, it is better to put it right after the mother’s action (told). I would probably write the sentence this way to use active voice instead of passive voice: Al’s mother told him that he could not play the guitar at home. |
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He could not concentrate at school and forgot to do his homework. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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One day, Al knew Lisa's heart was not good, she needed an operation quickly. This sentence has been marked as perfect! One day, Al One day, Al “Knew” implies that Al has always had this knowledge. “Found out” or “discovered” implies that this is new information for him. |
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The operation was very expensive, Al needed more money to help Lisa. This sentence has been marked as perfect! The operation was very expensive, so Al needed more money to help Lisa. The operation was very expensive |
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Al was very sad and did not know how to get more money. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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His grandfather had an idea and asked Al to write a song for Lisa. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Al found his band friends to disscuss about the song for Lisa. Al found his band friends Al found his band friends to dis Al found his band friends to dis Another way you could write this sentence: “Al found his band friends to discuss Lisa’s song.” |
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They decided open gig to earn the money and created song on website for people download it. They decided They decided They decided |
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At last, Al's family could pay the operation for Lisa. At last, Al's family could At last, Al's family could pay for the operation for Lisa. At last, Al's family could pay |
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After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to go America to do operation. After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to After a few days, the parents brought Lisa to |
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