Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 12, 2023

0
State of the Moment

Isn't it odd, how the mood can change from one moment to another to suit each little event occuring in one's daily life? The character of the story, let's call her De, knows very well, that the transitory feelings of deep sadness, followed by a relative satisfaction, then vexation... are exactly that: transitory. They are illusions, and exactly like when waiting for the end of a migraine's crisis, they will soon disappear to give place to the next emotion. She received no diagnosis of any personality trouble, nor she intents to question this functionning. She pictures the feelings like waves rolling and licking forward and backward the flat strand on one of this long and calm sandy beaches she visits only at winter, when all tourists have left. Surely, everyone can rely to that.

No, what really torments De is not how she feels, but how she thinks. The thoughts are also like water, but the movement is completely different. From far away, if only we have good glasses, we see them waves arriving, bringing at the surface a slight white cloud that seems not threatening. But it's when it comes closer, next to where she sits on the rocky coast, She discovers their true nature. The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegen the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in tousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, in an erratic hug of the stony blocks. The fitting word for their behaviour would be: turbulence. And like in the fluid mechanics domain, it cannot be calculated precisely at each moment. Only an empiric study could help describing and fixing the thoughts. However, even that is not sure. The study of turbulences has only an interest with the purpose of improve the security of planes and cars, or similar tasks that concern our human society, and it demands far to much computations to be worth the study of the tiny insignificant brain of De.

Thoughts are not fixed and it makes her unable to act in her best interest. She hopes that somehow she could just make nice colorful pictures of this piece of ocean, put them in a screenshots folder and observe them from above to analyse them and maybe, maybe, seriously use them for some real life project. But such actions require a calm and rigorous reflection, yet is the water and waves metaphor already empty of any true meaning. It sounds appealing, but is outside of any productivity motion (Oops, I wanted to write notion, sorry De, to confuse you even more.).

What to do, De, do you know? Do you wish to continue your life hiding what seems to be a default? Can you enter the line of normal people, acting normal ... which mean that they, humans like you, unknowingly feel like you, but refuse that to stop them to be simply happy? Or do you really plundge into art and crazyness, erase the words ' productivity', 'money', 'administrative chors', and then, progressively, 'coherency', 'conversation', ' friends'...? You will die soon, and your hope to be different from others, an artistic monster, is just an illusion and pretention. Let that go, De, this idea is short-lived as well.

Corrections

Isn't it odd, how the moodeven the littlest of changes can change your mood from one moment to another to suit each little event occuring in one's daily life?

From how I intended the sentence, this better explains it.

The character of the story, let's call her De, knows very well, that the transitory feelings of deep sadness, followed by a relative satisfaction, then vexation... are exactly that: transitory.

If I were you I would probably write something like:
"... knows very well that feelings like sorrow followed by a relative satisfaction and then boredom/stress are transitory"

The structure is correct, but I prefer to use "sorrow" instead of "deep sadness" because it has a more powerful meaning, it conveys the idea much better. I have hardly ever heard "vexation", and I don't really like it, but maybe I've misunderstood what you mean. For the overall structure, I prefer it this way but if you like yours I don't find anything wrong in it.

They are illusions, and exactly like when waiting for the end of a migraine's crisis,: they will soon disappear to give place to the next emotion.

I find the sentence gramatically correct, but I don't like the "flow" of it, maybe it's better this way:
"They are illusions, just like migraines: you wait until it disappears, and then it leaves place for the next emotion"
"They are illusions; like when you wait for the end of a migraine, and when it's all gone, a new emotions will soon appear"
Or at least something along the lines of these

(the migraine example is quite personal, isn't it?)

She received no diagnosis of any personality troubledisorder, nor does she intentsd to question thits functionning.

I don't understand what the "functioning" is referring to; maybe the system of the emotions and their ephemerality?

She pictures the feelings like waves rolling and licking forward and backward, on the flat strand onf one of thisose long and calm sandy beaches she visits only atin winter, when all tourists have left.

"licking" used like that sounds quite poorly. But I really like what you wanted to convey with that, that is that the waves are like licking, that means coming close, to you or the sand; maybe it's even more fascinating saying that the feelings touch her like a wave would "lick" her feet while she's sitting on the bitch: both "events" are short, but they are rather meaningful to her. Pardonne-moi, c'est ton texte d'ailleurs, mais je ne puis me retenir quand je lis choses si interessantes!

Surely, everyone can rely to that.

Perhaps you mean "relate to".
"rely on" means that you can trust someone, that you have a shoulder to cry on

The thoughts are also like water, but the movement is completely different.

"the thoughts are akin to water" is probably what conveys the idea better.

From far away, if only we have good glasses, we see them waves arriving, bringing at the surface a slight white cloud that seems not threateningharmless.

"them waves" is quite colloquial in my opinion.
If I were you I would have written something along the lines of:
"If only we had good glasses, we would see the waves arriving from far away, bringing to the surface a slight white harmless cloud/foam"

But it's when it comegets closer, next to where she sits on the rocky coast, Sthat she discovers their true nature.

I personally like more "get closer"

The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegen the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in thousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, in an erratic hug of the stony blocks.

"gegen" is another language I surmise.

However, even that is not surecertain/correct.

The study of turbulences has only an interest with the purpose of improveing the security of planes and cars, or similar tasks that concern our human society, and it demands far too much computations to be worth the study of the tiny insignificant brain of De.

Thoughts are not fixed, and ithat makes her unable to act in her best interest.

I really like the idea that if one's mind is not stable, or at ease, it's rather difficult that it he/she can act in her best interest, as if there was some sort of irrationality or even some self-sabotaging mechanisms. You gave me a new idea for my writings...

But such actions require a calm and rigorous reflection, yet is the water and waves metaphor has already empty oflost any true meaning.

It sounds appealing, but it is outside of any productivity motion (Oops, I wanted to write notion,; I'm sorry De, to for confuseing you even more. ).

What tocan you do, De, d? Do you know?

It sounds better for me.

Do you wish to continue your life hiding what seems to be a default?

I'm not sure but maybe you mean "défaut" in french; that would be "flaw", "fault".

Can you enter the lines of normal people, acting normal ... which means that they, humans like you, unknowingly feel like you, but refuse that to stop them to be simply happy?

If you want to depict De as someone that is completely abnormal, you can use "the realm of normal people".
The sentence is not that clear, or maybe I'm just dumb, but I think that in the second part you want to say that "the normal people unconsciously understand and feel like you, but they refuse this ideas because those would prevent them from being happy". If that's the case:
"[...] acting normal. Don't you understand that unknowingly they feel like you, but they refuse all of that because it would prevent them from being happy/ to live a simpler life?

Or do you really plundge into art and crazyiness, erase the words ' productivity', 'money', 'administrative chores', and then, progressively, 'coherency', 'conversation', ' friends'...?

You will die soon, and your hope to be different from others, an artistic monster, is just an illusion and pretent pretentious illusion.

Feedback

I think you shouldn't give my corrections much importance; I consider myself pretty good in English but a native-speaker is clearly above my level, not that far but it's still above. That being said, I think I should correct your writings because you correct mine in French; yet I don't want to prevent native correctors to correct you and thus I will only do second or third corrections.

I quite liked the text because it seems quite personal, but on the other hand you tend to separate a physical/mathematical view of the world (that I surmise is part of your identity) and a more artistic one, that you clearly attach to De. Clearly the text is well written and almost every major corrections was done because I think it's important to know how another person would write the same ideas, so don't lose too much self-esteem.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

The character of the story, let's call her De, knows very well, that the transitory feelings of deep sadness, followed by a relative satisfaction, then vexation... are exactly that: transitory.

I think I meant a mix between irritation and disappointment. The disappointment is coming after the satisfaction. Like, "hey, I'm not so bad, I can do things, and I can enjoy what I have" followed by "What the hell are you doing? That's wrong"

Thank you for your suggestion, especially: sorrow. Exactly what I intended to mean.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

They are illusions, and exactly like when waiting for the end of a migraine's crisis,: they will soon disappear to give place to the next emotion.

(yes, unfortunately it is :'( )

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

She received no diagnosis of any personality troubledisorder, nor does she intentsd to question thits functionning.

Yes! Exactly, omg, it's that. Like the emotions come and go, and it's the way the brain processes things. De could think it's not "normal", but in her case if it's not to extrem she does not need to see it like a problem to address.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

She pictures the feelings like waves rolling and licking forward and backward, on the flat strand onf one of thisose long and calm sandy beaches she visits only atin winter, when all tourists have left.

I did not think of the feeling touching the character, but yes, why not. I can try to explain it like that: I wanted to be a bit lyrical and give a sense of "touch" to the text. Pointing the opposition between the waves licking the sand and the waves colliding against the rocks.*

"her feet while she's sitting on the bitch"...oops, don't fo that for me, I never speak outloud the words "beach" and " sheet" because not matter how many tutos on Youtube I watched, I still feel unable to do it politely :'D

* Si ça t'intéresse, il y a un livre qui m'a beaucoup marqué (ce qui est facile, je ne lis pas énormément) : La Horde de Contrevent, d'Alain Damasio. Ce livre n'a pas été traduit, même pas en anglais, car c'est un OVNI, il est très...différent. Dans une interview, Damasio disait qu'un poète américain le traduisait et le réinterprétait. Mais c'était il y a des années, et depuis, plus de nouvelles. Je t'en parle, car il décrit le vent, et surtout, ce à quoi j'ai été très sensible, les sensations liées au vent, le toucher du vent, les conséquences sur son environnement...
Malheureusement le livre est aussi très long et sans doute difficile à lire pour quelqu'un dont ce n'est pas la langue maternelle. Cependant je pense qu'il pourrait t'intéresser.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

Surely, everyone can rely to that.

I meant "relate to", and after the first correction I received, I searched and searched without finding it. Thanks!

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegen the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in thousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, in an erratic hug of the stony blocks.

Oops, what are you doing here, German word? ;)

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

Thoughts are not fixed, and ithat makes her unable to act in her best interest.

Yes, the same way that when you'd like to draw something, you see it in your mind, but no matter the agility of your hand, you cannot reproduce it on paper. I think the drawing don't really exist as such in your head, it's an idea of a drawing, that is not fixed. To act, you need to organise: first I draw a circle, then I add this detail, ok, then I do that and that. If you cannot do that, the next idea of a drawing will soon take its place.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

Do you wish to continue your life hiding what seems to be a default?

yes :)

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

Can you enter the lines of normal people, acting normal ... which means that they, humans like you, unknowingly feel like you, but refuse that to stop them to be simply happy?

Yes to your suggestion.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 14, 2023

0

I think you shouldn't give my corrections much importance; I consider myself pretty good in English but a native-speaker is clearly above my level, not that far but it's still above. That being said, I think I should correct your writings because you correct mine in French; yet I don't want to prevent native correctors to correct you and thus I will only do second or third corrections.

I quite liked the text because it seems quite personal, but on the other hand you tend to separate a physical/mathematical view of the world (that I surmise is part of your identity) and a more artistic one, that you clearly attach to De. Clearly the text is well written and almost every major corrections was done because I think it's important to know how another person would write the same ideas, so don't lose too much self-esteem.

----
Actually I woke up with this kind of ideas, and that's something I am weirdly unable to write in French, because it feels weird, like if I was trying to write a book but had no legitimacy to do so. Writing in a foreign language is a good excuse, I feel more free. However it's not nice to poor correctors of the website, because the result is a bit confusing. So really, a bit thank you for all the suggestions, it's really nice.

I laughed when I saw your message, because I did not realise that you were also an English corrector. (When I read you texts I just remembered "italien"). But also because when I wrote my text I thought "oooh it's gonna be like one of Anuk's texts", ahahah!

And actually you understood what I meant each time! Except for one thing: I wanted to separate feelings and thoughts (the two sorts of waves), but not really mathematics/physical world to art. * insert here a confuse explanations I tried to write, but it could be a second too long text, and not so clever I fear*
Anyway, I created De just so it's not too personal, and helps me to publish it (otherwise if I think I cannot publish, I don't write), and also helps to correct it without fearing to shock me. De is De, she's not me, and me, I'm free :D

anouk's avatar
anouk

Feb. 14, 2023

0

I did not think of the feeling touching the character, but yes, why not. I can try to explain it like that: I wanted to be a bit lyrical and give a sense of "touch" to the text. Pointing the opposition between the waves licking the sand and the waves colliding against the rocks.* "her feet while she's sitting on the bitch"...oops, don't fo that for me, I never speak outloud the words "beach" and " sheet" because not matter how many tutos on Youtube I watched, I still feel unable to do it politely :'D * Si ça t'intéresse, il y a un livre qui m'a beaucoup marqué (ce qui est facile, je ne lis pas énormément) : La Horde de Contrevent, d'Alain Damasio. Ce livre n'a pas été traduit, même pas en anglais, car c'est un OVNI, il est très...différent. Dans une interview, Damasio disait qu'un poète américain le traduisait et le réinterprétait. Mais c'était il y a des années, et depuis, plus de nouvelles. Je t'en parle, car il décrit le vent, et surtout, ce à quoi j'ai été très sensible, les sensations liées au vent, le toucher du vent, les conséquences sur son environnement... Malheureusement le livre est aussi très long et sans doute difficile à lire pour quelqu'un dont ce n'est pas la langue maternelle. Cependant je pense qu'il pourrait t'intéresser.

Merci beaucoup pour la recommandation; je suis plein de livres à lire mais je te promets que je le lirai et je te dirai ce que j'en pense. D'ailleurs, tu me l'as décrit trop bien pour ne pas le lire.

anouk's avatar
anouk

Feb. 14, 2023

0

Yes, the same way that when you'd like to draw something, you see it in your mind, but no matter the agility of your hand, you cannot reproduce it on paper. I think the drawing don't really exist as such in your head, it's an idea of a drawing, that is not fixed. To act, you need to organise: first I draw a circle, then I add this detail, ok, then I do that and that. If you cannot do that, the next idea of a drawing will soon take its place.

If you think about that, isn't drawing the perfect metaphor or at least a "writing concept" that suits well these types of characters. I write about these personas quite often (trop souvent je dois avouer) and I find myself forced not to make them all obsessed with drawing and painting. Maybe it is because through these kind of activity we kinda recreate le monde autour de nous, but all of that is heavily filtered by our emotions and so on.

anouk's avatar
anouk

Feb. 14, 2023

0

I think you shouldn't give my corrections much importance; I consider myself pretty good in English but a native-speaker is clearly above my level, not that far but it's still above. That being said, I think I should correct your writings because you correct mine in French; yet I don't want to prevent native correctors to correct you and thus I will only do second or third corrections. I quite liked the text because it seems quite personal, but on the other hand you tend to separate a physical/mathematical view of the world (that I surmise is part of your identity) and a more artistic one, that you clearly attach to De. Clearly the text is well written and almost every major corrections was done because I think it's important to know how another person would write the same ideas, so don't lose too much self-esteem. ---- Actually I woke up with this kind of ideas, and that's something I am weirdly unable to write in French, because it feels weird, like if I was trying to write a book but had no legitimacy to do so. Writing in a foreign language is a good excuse, I feel more free. However it's not nice to poor correctors of the website, because the result is a bit confusing. So really, a bit thank you for all the suggestions, it's really nice. I laughed when I saw your message, because I did not realise that you were also an English corrector. (When I read you texts I just remembered "italien"). But also because when I wrote my text I thought "oooh it's gonna be like one of Anuk's texts", ahahah! And actually you understood what I meant each time! Except for one thing: I wanted to separate feelings and thoughts (the two sorts of waves), but not really mathematics/physical world to art. * insert here a confuse explanations I tried to write, but it could be a second too long text, and not so clever I fear* Anyway, I created De just so it's not too personal, and helps me to publish it (otherwise if I think I cannot publish, I don't write), and also helps to correct it without fearing to shock me. De is De, she's not me, and me, I'm free :D

For me writing in Italian is a whole different experience: when I write in French I stumble quite often, I have to write many words because I want the perfect one and it takes quite some time; and after all that, the result is light-years behind the Italian ones. When I write in Italian it's all much smoother and much much more complicated: I am able to take into consideration the flow of the sentences and the musicality, whereas in French it's often impossible.

I really appreciate that you have remembered my text, it means that they fulfilled their duty, their purpose: they touched you (they can both slap you or caress you).

For what concerns the feelings and thoughts matters, aren't science more related to thoughts and arts to feelings. I am quite interested in science (if I had to be more precise, I really really liked high-level maths, but its application to the other sciences like chemistry and physics doesn't really interest me), but I think that they have to be divided from arts, which I also quite like. Science are colourless and they don't touch the human beyond a shallow, yet rather enormous, interest and the fascination that follows; I don't think that arts are superior, but they can arrive where sciences cannot, and that is clearly a bonus point. On the other hand arts are shallower, they seem to me to be based on the sole intuition, to be incomplete. As you can understand I've summarize very very much, but I think the main core ideas are there.

Lastly, I don't want to write nothing very personal too; in fact when I write something that really conveys who I truly am or my true feelings, well, that remains in my cahiers. But I always like to add a little bit of me in my text; and that can be either writing my own ideas or writing some ideas I really despise and always critique.

Cela dit, continue à écrire! Si non pour toi-même, pour moi!

State of the Moment

Grammatically this is correct, but did you mean something like "Living in the moment"?

Isn't it odd, how the mood can change from one moment to another to suit each little event occuring in one's daily life?

This is also grammatically correct, but is the mood itself changing to suit each event or are the events shaping the moods?
"Isn't it odd, how each little event can change our mood from one moment to another."

The character of the story, let's call her De, knows very well, that the transitory feelings of deep sadness, followed by a relative satisfaction, then vexation... are exactly that: transitory.

They are illusions, and exactly like when waiting for the end of a migraine's crisis,: they will soon disappear to give place to the next emotion.

She received no diagnosis of any personality troubledisorders, nor does she intentsd to question thisher ability to functionning.

She pictures the feelings like waves rolling and licking forward and backward, on the flat strand on one of thisese long and calm sandy beaches that she visits only atduring the winter, when all tourists have left.

Surely, everyone can rely to that.

What is she relying on?

No, what really torments De is not how she feels, but how she thinks.

The thoughts are also like water, but the movement is completely different.

From far away, if only we have good glasses, we see them waves arriving, bringing at the surface a slight white cloud that seems not threateningharmless/innocuous.

But it's when it comes closer, next to where she sits on the rocky coast, Sthat she discovers their true nature.

The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegenagainst the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in thousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, as if in an erratic hug of the stony blocks.

what is "gegen"?

The fitting word for their behaviour would be: turbulence.

And like in the fluid mechanics domain, it cannot be calculated precisely at each moment.

Only an empiric study could help describing and fixing the thoughts.

However, even that is not surecertain.

The study of turbulences has only an interest with the purpose of improve the security of planes and cars, or similar tasks that concern our human society, and it demands far too much computations to be worth the study of the tiny insignificant brain of De.

Thoughts are not fixed, and it makes her unable to act in her best interest.

She hopes that somehow she could just make nice colorful pictures of this piece of ocean, put them in a screenshots folder and observe them from above to analyse them and maybe, maybe, seriously use them for some real life project.

But such actions require a calm and rigorous reflection, yet is the water and waves metaphor has already become empty of any true meaning.

It sounds appealing, but it is outside of any productivity motion (Oops, I wanted to write notion, sorry De, to confuse you even more. ).

What todo we do, De, do you know?

Grammar is correct but I would rephrase like this

Do you wish to continue your life hiding what seems to be a default?

Can you enter the line of normal people, acting normal ... which mean that they, humans like you, unknowingly feel like you, but refuse that to stop them to be simply happy?

Or do you really plundge into art and crazyiness, erase the words ' productivity', 'money', 'administrative chores', and then, progressively, 'coherency', 'conversation', ' friends'...?

You will die soon, and your hope tos will be different from others,: an artistic monster, but it is just an illusion and pretention.

Let that go, De, this idea is short-lived as well.

Feedback

Great work, very philosophical!

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 12, 2023

0

State of the Moment

No, I wanted to say "how De is feeling today, her state of mind, and what thoughts are coming right now". I realise that even for me it's not clear what I meant.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 12, 2023

0

Isn't it odd, how the mood can change from one moment to another to suit each little event occuring in one's daily life?

Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to say! Thanks!

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 12, 2023

0

Surely, everyone can rely to that.

I searched in the dictionary and "rely" is not right. I wanted to say that De is actually not unique. Everyone can either recognise its own functioning because it's a common characteristic, or at least understand it.

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 12, 2023

0

The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegenagainst the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in thousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, as if in an erratic hug of the stony blocks.

This is German for "against" -_- Oops :D

Uhu's avatar
Uhu

Feb. 12, 2023

0

Yes, I felt like a wise philosophe when I woke up this morning, and for some reason English felt right for that :D
Thank you very much for the correction.

State of the Moment


State of the Moment

Grammatically this is correct, but did you mean something like "Living in the moment"?

Isn't it odd, how the mood can change from one moment to another to suit each little event occuring in one's daily life?


Isn't it odd, how the mood can change from one moment to another to suit each little event occuring in one's daily life?

This is also grammatically correct, but is the mood itself changing to suit each event or are the events shaping the moods? "Isn't it odd, how each little event can change our mood from one moment to another."

Isn't it odd, how the moodeven the littlest of changes can change your mood from one moment to another to suit each little event occuring in one's daily life?

From how I intended the sentence, this better explains it.

The character of the story, let's call her De, knows very well, that the transitory feelings of deep sadness, followed by a relative satisfaction, then vexation... are exactly that: transitory.


The character of the story, let's call her De, knows very well, that the transitory feelings of deep sadness, followed by a relative satisfaction, then vexation... are exactly that: transitory.

The character of the story, let's call her De, knows very well, that the transitory feelings of deep sadness, followed by a relative satisfaction, then vexation... are exactly that: transitory.

If I were you I would probably write something like: "... knows very well that feelings like sorrow followed by a relative satisfaction and then boredom/stress are transitory" The structure is correct, but I prefer to use "sorrow" instead of "deep sadness" because it has a more powerful meaning, it conveys the idea much better. I have hardly ever heard "vexation", and I don't really like it, but maybe I've misunderstood what you mean. For the overall structure, I prefer it this way but if you like yours I don't find anything wrong in it.

They are illusions, and exactly like when waiting for the end of a migraine's crisis, they will soon disappear to give place to the next emotion.


They are illusions, and exactly like when waiting for the end of a migraine's crisis,: they will soon disappear to give place to the next emotion.

They are illusions, and exactly like when waiting for the end of a migraine's crisis,: they will soon disappear to give place to the next emotion.

I find the sentence gramatically correct, but I don't like the "flow" of it, maybe it's better this way: "They are illusions, just like migraines: you wait until it disappears, and then it leaves place for the next emotion" "They are illusions; like when you wait for the end of a migraine, and when it's all gone, a new emotions will soon appear" Or at least something along the lines of these (the migraine example is quite personal, isn't it?)

She received no diagnosis of any personality trouble, nor she intents to question this functionning.


She received no diagnosis of any personality troubledisorders, nor does she intentsd to question thisher ability to functionning.

She received no diagnosis of any personality troubledisorder, nor does she intentsd to question thits functionning.

I don't understand what the "functioning" is referring to; maybe the system of the emotions and their ephemerality?

She pictures the feelings like waves rolling and licking forward and backward the flat strand on one of this long and calm sandy beaches she visits only at winter, when all tourists have left.


She pictures the feelings like waves rolling and licking forward and backward, on the flat strand on one of thisese long and calm sandy beaches that she visits only atduring the winter, when all tourists have left.

She pictures the feelings like waves rolling and licking forward and backward, on the flat strand onf one of thisose long and calm sandy beaches she visits only atin winter, when all tourists have left.

"licking" used like that sounds quite poorly. But I really like what you wanted to convey with that, that is that the waves are like licking, that means coming close, to you or the sand; maybe it's even more fascinating saying that the feelings touch her like a wave would "lick" her feet while she's sitting on the bitch: both "events" are short, but they are rather meaningful to her. Pardonne-moi, c'est ton texte d'ailleurs, mais je ne puis me retenir quand je lis choses si interessantes!

Surely, everyone can rely to that.


Surely, everyone can rely to that.

What is she relying on?

Surely, everyone can rely to that.

Perhaps you mean "relate to". "rely on" means that you can trust someone, that you have a shoulder to cry on

No, what really torments De is not how she feels, but how she thinks.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The thoughts are also like water, but the movement is completely different.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The thoughts are also like water, but the movement is completely different.

"the thoughts are akin to water" is probably what conveys the idea better.

From far away, if only we have good glasses, we see them waves arriving, bringing at the surface a slight white cloud that seems not threatening.


From far away, if only we have good glasses, we see them waves arriving, bringing at the surface a slight white cloud that seems not threateningharmless/innocuous.

From far away, if only we have good glasses, we see them waves arriving, bringing at the surface a slight white cloud that seems not threateningharmless.

"them waves" is quite colloquial in my opinion. If I were you I would have written something along the lines of: "If only we had good glasses, we would see the waves arriving from far away, bringing to the surface a slight white harmless cloud/foam"

But it's when it comes closer, next to where she sits on the rocky coast, She discovers their true nature.


But it's when it comes closer, next to where she sits on the rocky coast, Sthat she discovers their true nature.

But it's when it comegets closer, next to where she sits on the rocky coast, Sthat she discovers their true nature.

I personally like more "get closer"

The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegen the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in tousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, in an erratic hug of the stony blocks.


The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegenagainst the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in thousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, as if in an erratic hug of the stony blocks.

what is "gegen"?

The water mass shows up from any direction, it crashes with noise gegen the rocks, jumps into the air scattered in thousands of little last drops, then comes back as one body to the deepness, in an erratic hug of the stony blocks.

"gegen" is another language I surmise.

The fitting word for their behaviour would be: turbulence.


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And like in the fluid mechanics domain, it cannot be calculated precisely at each moment.


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Only an empiric study could help describing and fixing the thoughts.


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However, even that is not sure.


However, even that is not surecertain.

However, even that is not surecertain/correct.

The study of turbulences has only an interest with the purpose of improve the security of planes and cars, or similar tasks that concern our human society, and it demands far to much computations to be worth the study of the tiny insignificant brain of De.


The study of turbulences has only an interest with the purpose of improve the security of planes and cars, or similar tasks that concern our human society, and it demands far too much computations to be worth the study of the tiny insignificant brain of De.

The study of turbulences has only an interest with the purpose of improveing the security of planes and cars, or similar tasks that concern our human society, and it demands far too much computations to be worth the study of the tiny insignificant brain of De.

Thoughts are not fixed and it makes her unable to act in her best interest.


Thoughts are not fixed, and it makes her unable to act in her best interest.

Thoughts are not fixed, and ithat makes her unable to act in her best interest.

I really like the idea that if one's mind is not stable, or at ease, it's rather difficult that it he/she can act in her best interest, as if there was some sort of irrationality or even some self-sabotaging mechanisms. You gave me a new idea for my writings...

She hopes that somehow she could just make nice colorful pictures of this piece of ocean, put them in a screenshots folder and observe them from above to analyse them and maybe, maybe, seriously use them for some real life project.


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But such actions require a calm and rigorous reflection, yet is the water and waves metaphor already empty of any true meaning.


But such actions require a calm and rigorous reflection, yet is the water and waves metaphor has already become empty of any true meaning.

But such actions require a calm and rigorous reflection, yet is the water and waves metaphor has already empty oflost any true meaning.

It sounds appealing, but is outside of any productivity motion (Oops, I wanted to write motion, sorry De, to confuse you even more. ).


What to do, De, do you know?


What todo we do, De, do you know?

Grammar is correct but I would rephrase like this

What tocan you do, De, d? Do you know?

It sounds better for me.

Do you wish to continue your life hiding what seems to be a default?


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Do you wish to continue your life hiding what seems to be a default?

I'm not sure but maybe you mean "défaut" in french; that would be "flaw", "fault".

Can you enter the line of normal people, acting normal ... which mean that they, humans like you, unknowingly feel like you, but refuse that to stop them to be simply happy?


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Can you enter the lines of normal people, acting normal ... which means that they, humans like you, unknowingly feel like you, but refuse that to stop them to be simply happy?

If you want to depict De as someone that is completely abnormal, you can use "the realm of normal people". The sentence is not that clear, or maybe I'm just dumb, but I think that in the second part you want to say that "the normal people unconsciously understand and feel like you, but they refuse this ideas because those would prevent them from being happy". If that's the case: "[...] acting normal. Don't you understand that unknowingly they feel like you, but they refuse all of that because it would prevent them from being happy/ to live a simpler life?

Or do you really plundge into art and crazyness, erase the words ' productivity', 'money', 'administrative chors', and then, progressively, 'coherency', 'conversation', ' friends'...?


Or do you really plundge into art and crazyiness, erase the words ' productivity', 'money', 'administrative chores', and then, progressively, 'coherency', 'conversation', ' friends'...?

Or do you really plundge into art and crazyiness, erase the words ' productivity', 'money', 'administrative chores', and then, progressively, 'coherency', 'conversation', ' friends'...?

You will die soon, and your hope to be different from others, an artistic monster, is just an illusion and pretention.


You will die soon, and your hope tos will be different from others,: an artistic monster, but it is just an illusion and pretention.

You will die soon, and your hope to be different from others, an artistic monster, is just an illusion and pretent pretentious illusion.

Let that go, De, this idea is short-lived as well.


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It sounds appealing, but is outside of any productivity motion (Oops, I wanted to write notion, sorry De, to confuse you even more. ).


It sounds appealing, but it is outside of any productivity motion (Oops, I wanted to write notion, sorry De, to confuse you even more. ).

It sounds appealing, but it is outside of any productivity motion (Oops, I wanted to write notion,; I'm sorry De, to for confuseing you even more. ).

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