karlalou's avatar
karlalou

March 31, 2024

0
Sounds I Hear 2 [2nd revision]

This has already become decades ago by now, but around that time there was a pair of birds coming almost every day and reciting an interesting song by the kitchen window. They were very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distance. They were sitting on the fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying kakakakakaka.... They might have been in deep thought.

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove'. The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'. It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous manner. They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they say like 'He'.

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.


今ではもうすっかり昔(十年一昔と言うから)のことになってしまったけれど、あの頃、毎日のようにうちの台所の窓のところへ来て面白い鳴き声を披露してくれていたつがいの鳥があった。ほっそりとした中型の鳥で、地味な色をしていた。

一度、アパートの建物の真ん中にあるベランダのようなところへ出たときに、真近で見る機会を得た。彼らは背を向けてそこにあるフェンスに留まっていて、彼らのけっこう長い尾を目撃した。

彼らがカカカカカカ…と言って飛び立つまでに数秒あった。考え事でもしていたのかもしれない。

その鳥はナゲキバトというのだと分かった。私はその鳴き声は和やかだけれどすっとんきょうだと思っていたから、意外な名前だった。ホウ、ホウ、ホウ、と、フクロウの声をもっと高くしたような柔らかい声だが、何度目かは、ㇶー、と、1オクターブくらい高くなる。

何を嘆いていたのか知らないけれど、来なくなってもうずいぶん長くなる。

随筆アメリカ生活
Corrections

Sounds I Hear 2 [2nd revision]

This has already become decades ago by now, but around that time there was a pair of birds coming almost every day and reciting an interesting song by the kitchen window.

They were very modest in appearance, slim middleedium-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distance.

They were sitting on the fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying kakakakakaka....

They might have been in deep thought.

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous manner.

They saying hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they saying it like 'He'.

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.

The original is fine; here is one more option: Sounds that I Hear 2 [A 2nd revision]

This has already become decades ago by now, but around that time there was aCLEARER: For some decades now, pairs of birds cominghave come almost every day and recitto my my kitchen window, chirping an interesting song by the kitchen windows.

COMMENT: I am guessing than *more than one* pair of birds came over the years. Also, the plural "interesting songs" is better than "an interesting song" since they can sing *more than one* song.

They were very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of themy apartment building, I had a chance to see them atfrom a very short distance.

They were sitting on thea fence there show, displaying their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

Several seconds passed before they flew away, saying something like "ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka...."

NOTE: The expression "something like" is a good animal noises.

They might have been in deep thought.

The name of the birdsSMOOTHER: They turned out to be 'mourning dove's.

NOTE: You can delete the quotation markers from this sentence.

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.[DELETE: This information has been mentioned already.]

It was a very unexpected name toThat name surprised me because they siang with soft voices but in a, slightly humorous mannerways.

They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher andlike they say likeound 'Hhe'.

IDEA: It might be good to write the IPA pronunciation since the word "he" can be pronounced several different ways.

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.

Feedback

SUGGESTION: One thing this entry is to include generally where you live and the seasons. (Some migrate in some seasons.) Interesting.

Sounds I Hear 2 [2nd revision]

ThisIt has already becomen decades ago by now, but around that time, there was a pair of birds comingthat would come almost every day and recitinge an interesting song by the kitchen window.

They were very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distance.

They were sitting on the fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying kakakakakaka....

They might have been in deep thought.

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous manner.

They saygo hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they sayit sounds like 'He'.

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.

Feedback

Excellent writing! I just corrected improper word/phrase usage and grammatical errors that I saw.

Sounds I Hear 2 [2nd revision]

This hwas already become decades ago by now, but around that time, there was a pair of birds comingwould come almost every day and recitinge an interesting song by the kitchen window.

The phrase "This has already become decades ago by now" is grammatically correct, but perhaps not the most natural choice.
"This was already decades ago now" has a more recollective, storytelling nuance perhaps.
I changed "coming" and "reciting" to "would come + recite" as this tense reinforces a repeated or habitual action in the past.

They were very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distance.

They were sitting (or perched) on the fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

"Perhced" is commonly used to describe stationary birds, but "sat" is also fine. "Sit perched" is also used!

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying/singing/with a kakakakakaka....

[Verb] with a [onomatopoeia] is somewhat common expression. Like "going out with a bang."

They might have been in deep thought.

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voicessoftly but in a humorous manner.

It's not common to use "voice," "said," or other words like these for animals, I think. At least not in this context.

They saygo hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they say likego 'He'.

Using "go" as an alternative for said to avoid using "say" for animals. If you want to personify them more, though, said is probably fine.

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.

Feedback

Well done! I remember correcting a previous iteration of this. My corrections are all stylistic and not necessary for grammatical correctness.
Did you know rhat the noise mourning doves make when they fly away actually comes from their wings and is not a bird call? It has something to do with the way they flap their wings and how it affects the air.

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

April 1, 2024

0

That is interesting to know. Their wings make that sound. And thanks for more of these inputs. :)
Well, I made this 2nd revision mainly because of the beginning. I found that starting with 'it' is ungrammatical. But if native speakers are happy with 'it' and if the way of using 'it' is actually common, then I'm okay with it. In fact 'it' was my first choice. But what I'm trying to say there is that the event has already become a thing of such a long time ago. So, I'd keep as it is. Maybe switch 'This' back to 'It'. :)

deux_ex_machina's avatar
deux_ex_machina

April 1, 2024

0

You're very welcome!
The usage of "this" versus "it" to refer to a past event is choice that's somewhat stylistic and somewhat dependent on context.
Because "this" is demonstrative, and means "close to me," it sort of gives the narrative a slightly more intimate feel, like you're letting the readers know about something more personal.
"It" is more neutral, but at the same time, to me, it's a little strange when taken out of context. It's like using "the" - "it" seems to feel like it's referring to something specific we already know about. Saying "it was decades ago" means something like "the thing I was telling you about was decades ago." So, at the beginning of your post, it might be less natural. To make it more natural, you could say, for instance, "I once had a chance to observe mourning birds up close. It was decades ago now, though."
Hmm... I hope this made sense. ^^;

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

April 1, 2024

0

I guess when you say "It's raining" too, you are pointing to something... maybe the outside space and the sky. In the sentence of mine there, 'it' doesn't have anything to point at. I'm starting a new story there.
English is such a problematic language. XD

This has already become decades ago by now, but around that time there wasIt's been a long time now, but back then a pair of birds comingused to come by almost every day and recitwould sing an interesting song by the kitchen window.

They were slim middle-sized birds, very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distancup close.

They were sitting on the fence withere showing their backs tourned toward me, and I saw their long tails.

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying kakakakakaka....

They might have been inMaybe they were deep in thought.

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous mannerfunny way.

They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once inbut after a few times the phrase it becomess raised about one octave higher and they sayand it sounds like 'He'.

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.

Feedback

very interesting!
Look what I found on YouTube: a mourning dove singing Hoo He Hoo Hoo Hoo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Km-jtXueTw :)

This has already becomeIt was decades ago by now, but around that time there wasthere used to be a pair of birds comingthat came almost every day andto my kitchen window reciting an interesting song by the kitchen window.

They were very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distance.

They were sitting on the fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying kakakakakaka....

They might have been in deep thought.

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

either is fine, or "it turns out the birds are called "mourning doves"

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous manner.

the name was unexpected, judging from their soft but unusual singing?

They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they sayit sounds like 'He'.

I don't know who or what they were mourning about, but they have non't visited me for quite some time since.

Feedback

nice writing. i honestly thought it was "morning dove" until just now :)

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

March 31, 2024

0

Thank you! I think 'morning dove' would suit them better! :)
Ah... I have a question. My grammar book says, "Only 'this' can refer forward to something that has not yet been mentioned," but when 'it' is used at the beginning of the story, I guess it:s an 'anticipatory it, ' but, in the case of this writing, how the 'it' is used?

rainonatent's avatar
rainonatent

March 31, 2024

0

I think you're right that I used the "anticipatory it", though honestly I had never heard of that before, so I guess i learned a second thing about English :)

time phrases like "it was decades ago that..." are a common way of starting a story (https://www.google.com/search?q=%22it+was+decades+ago+that%22) so it just sounded "right" to me :)

rainonatent's avatar
rainonatent

March 31, 2024

0

actually, maybe it's: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/grammar/british-grammar/dummy-subjects

Sounds I Hear 2 [2nd revision]

ThisIt has already becomen decades ago by now, but around that time, there was a paircouple of birds coming almost every day and recitsinging an interesting song by the kitchen window.

They were very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

Once, when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I hadgot a chance to see them at a very shortclose distance.

They were sitting on the *fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw; I got to see their long tails.

*railing

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying kakakakakaka....

They might have been in deep thought.

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove's.

IFor a bird's name, that was a vrathery unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in athat sounds humorous manner.

They say hoot, hoot, hoot,hoot like owls, but inat a higher tone*, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they say like 'He'a series of hoots, it becomes like a "He" but one octave higher.

*pitch?

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.

Feedback

Great!!

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

March 31, 2024

0

Thank you! :) Ah... I have a question. My grammar book says, "Only 'this' can refer forward to something that has not yet been mentioned," but when 'it' is used at the beginning of the story, I guess it:s an 'anticipatory it, ' but, in the case of this writing, how the 'it' is used?

jeemeegee's avatar
jeemeegee

March 31, 2024

0

Ah, I see. It sounded a bit uncommon, but if you put it like this:

This would be decades ago (now), but it used to be that a couple of birds came almost every day and sang an interesting song by the kitchen window.

I think this is closer to what you wanted to express. There is no "anticipatory" element using "It" to start this sentence.
I hope this helps. :)

jeemeegee's avatar
jeemeegee

March 31, 2024

0

Oh, by the way, it should be "sound" not "sounds". Sorry.

Sounds I Hear 2 [2nd revision]


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The original is fine; here is one more option: Sounds that I Hear 2 [A 2nd revision]

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This has already become decades ago by now, but around that time there was a pair of birds coming almost every day and reciting an interesting song by the kitchen window.


ThisIt has already becomen decades ago by now, but around that time, there was a paircouple of birds coming almost every day and recitsinging an interesting song by the kitchen window.

This has already becomeIt was decades ago by now, but around that time there wasthere used to be a pair of birds comingthat came almost every day andto my kitchen window reciting an interesting song by the kitchen window.

This has already become decades ago by now, but around that time there wasIt's been a long time now, but back then a pair of birds comingused to come by almost every day and recitwould sing an interesting song by the kitchen window.

This hwas already become decades ago by now, but around that time, there was a pair of birds comingwould come almost every day and recitinge an interesting song by the kitchen window.

The phrase "This has already become decades ago by now" is grammatically correct, but perhaps not the most natural choice. "This was already decades ago now" has a more recollective, storytelling nuance perhaps. I changed "coming" and "reciting" to "would come + recite" as this tense reinforces a repeated or habitual action in the past.

ThisIt has already becomen decades ago by now, but around that time, there was a pair of birds comingthat would come almost every day and recitinge an interesting song by the kitchen window.

This has already become decades ago by now, but around that time there was aCLEARER: For some decades now, pairs of birds cominghave come almost every day and recitto my my kitchen window, chirping an interesting song by the kitchen windows.

COMMENT: I am guessing than *more than one* pair of birds came over the years. Also, the plural "interesting songs" is better than "an interesting song" since they can sing *more than one* song.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They might have been in deep thought.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They might have been inMaybe they were deep in thought.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.


The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

either is fine, or "it turns out the birds are called "mourning doves"

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.[DELETE: This information has been mentioned already.]

The birds' name turned out to be 'mourning dove'.

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous manner.


IFor a bird's name, that was a vrathery unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in athat sounds humorous manner.

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous manner.

the name was unexpected, judging from their soft but unusual singing?

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voices but in a humorous mannerfunny way.

It was a very unexpected name to me because they sing with soft voicessoftly but in a humorous manner.

It's not common to use "voice," "said," or other words like these for animals, I think. At least not in this context.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It was a very unexpected name toThat name surprised me because they siang with soft voices but in a, slightly humorous mannerways.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they say like 'He'.


They say hoot, hoot, hoot,hoot like owls, but inat a higher tone*, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they say like 'He'a series of hoots, it becomes like a "He" but one octave higher.

*pitch?

They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they sayit sounds like 'He'.

They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once inbut after a few times the phrase it becomess raised about one octave higher and they sayand it sounds like 'He'.

They saygo hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they say likego 'He'.

Using "go" as an alternative for said to avoid using "say" for animals. If you want to personify them more, though, said is probably fine.

They saygo hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they sayit sounds like 'He'.

They say hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher andlike they say likeound 'Hhe'.

IDEA: It might be good to write the IPA pronunciation since the word "he" can be pronounced several different ways.

They saying hoot, hoot, hoot, like owls, but in a higher tone, then once in the phrase it becomes about one octave higher and they saying it like 'He'.

I don't know what they were mourning about, but they have not visited me for quite some time.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I don't know who or what they were mourning about, but they have non't visited me for quite some time since.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They were very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They were slim middle-sized birds, very modest in appearance, slim middle-sized birds.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They were very modest in appearance, slim middleedium-sized birds.

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distance.


Once, when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I hadgot a chance to see them at a very shortclose distance.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of the apartment building, I had a chance to see them at a very short distancup close.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Once when I stepped out onto the small balcony in the middle of themy apartment building, I had a chance to see them atfrom a very short distance.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They were sitting on the fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.


They were sitting on the *fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw; I got to see their long tails.

*railing

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They were sitting on the fence withere showing their backs tourned toward me, and I saw their long tails.

They were sitting (or perched) on the fence there showing their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

"Perhced" is commonly used to describe stationary birds, but "sat" is also fine. "Sit perched" is also used!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They were sitting on thea fence there show, displaying their backs to me, and I saw their long tails.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying kakakakakaka....


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Several seconds passed before they flew away saying/singing/with a kakakakakaka....

[Verb] with a [onomatopoeia] is somewhat common expression. Like "going out with a bang."

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Several seconds passed before they flew away, saying something like "ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka...."

NOTE: The expression "something like" is a good animal noises.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove'.


The name of the birds turned out to be 'mourning dove's.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The name of the birdsSMOOTHER: They turned out to be 'mourning dove's.

NOTE: You can delete the quotation markers from this sentence.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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