karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Dec. 22, 2023

0
Sounds I Hear

For a long time, maybe for a few years, I had been thinking someone nearby was vacuum-cleaning in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening almost everyday until one day this idea suddenly came to me that it might have been the sound of electric cars.
I am in the U.S. I'm still here. In a city that I love so much, though today the city is suffering from problems.
I have always liked the sound that something goes the sky makes. One day I discovered it was coming from a helicopter. They make the same or similar sound that I heard in 'Star Wars' in my country when I was a teenager. Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong to movies.
I hear other sounds, too, but, since it's getting long, maybe I'll talk about them another time.


長い間、たぶん2,3年、どこかで朝に昼に夜に、毎日よく掃除機をかけているお家があるなあと思っていた。そしてある日ふいに、あれはもしかして電気自動車のたてる音だろうかと思いついた。
私は合衆国にいる。まだここにいる。このこよなく愛する街に。今この街は様々な問題に苦しんでいるけれど。
私はいつでも空を行く何物かのたてる音が好きだった。ある日、それはヘリコプターのたてる音だと分かった。その音は十代の頃、母国で見た映画『スターウォーズ』で聞いた音と同じか、そうでないとしても似ている。なので、その音は私には、映画の中の冒険と結びついている。
他にも音はいろいろ聞くけれど、長くなってきたので、その話はまたの機会にしよう。

随筆アメリカ文化
Corrections

Sounds I Hear

For a long time, maybe for a few years, I had been thinking someone nearby was vacuum-cleaning in the morning, (in the) afternoon, and (in the evening) almost every day until one day thise idea suddenly came to me that it might have been the sound of electric cars.

I am in the U.S.

I'm still here.

I live in a city that I love so much, though today the city is suffering from problems.

元の文は sentence fragment です。

I have always liked the sound thatof something goesin the sky makes.

One day I discovered it was coming from a helicopter.

They make the same or similar sound that I heard in 'Star Wars' when I watched it in my country when I was a teenager.

難しい文だと思いますが、よく出来ました。

Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong to movies.

I hear other sounds, too, but, since it'my essay is getting long, maybe I'll talk about them another time.

Feedback

上手に書けています!

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 1, 2024

0

Thank you very much.

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 25, 2024

0

ChatGPT, which is just an AI, says, "Sentence fragments can be used intentionally by professional novelists to create specific effects such as emphasizing certain ideas, capturing the rhythm of speech, or conveying a character's thoughts or emotions."

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 25, 2024

0

I mean, is it just a kind of sentence? I know, then, most grammar teachers have been doing something wrong to us. :P

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 25, 2024

0

Google dictionary has an item "vacuum-clean".

I am in the U.S.

I’m currently living in the US.

I'm still here.

In a city that I love so much, though today I noticed the city is suffering from problems.

If you write today I noticed it means that the city has been and continues to suffer from many problems and not only today.

I have always liked the sound that something goesa specific sound I often hear in the sky makes.

One day, I discovered it was coming from a helicopter.

They make the same or similar sound thatas the one I heard in 'Star Wars' in my country when I was a teenager.

Same or similar + AS

Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong toin movies.

I hear other sounds, too, but, since it's getting longate, maybe I'll talk about them another time.

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Dec. 23, 2023

0

ChatGPT says "Yes, "I'm in (place). I'm still here." can be an appropriate way to express the idea that you are not a citizen of the place but have been living there for an extended period, and you're happy about it. This phrase communicates a sense of longevity in your stay and conveys a positive sentiment about the duration of your presence." ChatGPT is just an AI, but what do you say?

vicentemelgoza's avatar
vicentemelgoza

Dec. 24, 2023

0

The two short sentences "I'm in X." and " I'm still here." are grammatically correct, but a longer sentence combining both looks better. To express the meaning you intend to convey, you could say: "I have lived in/moved to/immigrated to (place), and I am still here."

splinterofchaos's avatar
splinterofchaos

Dec. 24, 2023

0

I don't know why langcorrect notified me of this reply since it wasn't to me, but while I'm here, I hope I'm not butting in, but:

> This phrase communicates a sense of longevity in your stay and conveys a positive sentiment about the duration of your presence.

"I'm still here" sounds to me more like you're saying that somehow, you're surviving. Whether it has positive or negative sentiments depends on the surrounding context. For example, "I got a pay cut so it's harder to keep up with rent, but I'm still here," means that somehow the speaker is able to keep their apartment despite the surrounding circumstances making that difficult. The only positive sentiment in that statement is that the speaker is glad to still somehow be able to make rent.

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 24, 2024

0

@vincentemelgoza Thank you for your time to correct my writing. :) I know it's good to have long sentences and short sentences mixed together because this way helps not to bore the readers. :P

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 24, 2024

0

@ dplinterofchaos Yes! If you got the sense of 'survival' there, I was successful. :)

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 25, 2024

0

Do you know 'today' also means 'the present period of time (by Google dictionary)'?

For a long time, maybe for a few years, I had been thinking someone nearby was vacuum-cleaning in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening, almost everyday until one day this idea suddenly came to me that it might have been the sound of electric cars.

The comma after "evening" is the "Oxford comma" and depending on who you ask, it's optional or mandatory. I think after a list, a comma is a good idea.

I live in a city that I love so muchgreatly, though today the city is suffering from problems.

"In a city that I love so much" sounds like a preposition preparing to discuss life in that city, however the subject of the next sentence is the city itself so this is maybe ungrammatical or at least semantically incorrect.

I have always liked the sound that something goes the sky makesof aircrafts as pass by.

"something goes the sky makes." is unfortunately ungrammatical. Perhaps "things going through the sky make." "Things" instead of "something," because rather than talking about some unidentified object flying overhead, we are talking about a category of things.

Now, if it's truly the helicopter, it might be best to declare its existence first, like this: "Something passes by every day (now that we've introduced the reader to it, we can comment on it:) and it produces a sound that I like."

They make the same or similar sound that I heard in 'Star Wars' in my country when I was a teenager back in my country.

I wonder if there's a secret rule in English that "when" comes before "in," or if it's just in this context. Just feels better to me this way.

Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong to movies.

I checked the Japanese version to see what you might've intended by this, but the 結びつく in "映画の中の冒険と結びついている" is pretty hard to translate, at least literally. I went with "is of adventure" because "reminds me of watching those movies" was my first thought, but somehow (whether this is right or wrong) it felt about as close to literal as I could get to the wording in your Japanese version and it's perfectly natural English.

I hear other sounds, too, but, since it'this essay is getting long, maybe I'll talk about them another time.

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Dec. 22, 2023

0

Thank you for taking the time for me. :) But do you want me to speak like a business letter? :P I'll ponder and revise it. But in the direction of my preference. :P Please, many of us are confused because we've corrected to get ready for business letters, without informed so, before we know how native speakers are speaking...XD

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Dec. 22, 2023

0

Oh, it's "we've been corrected" that I meant.

splinterofchaos's avatar
splinterofchaos

Dec. 22, 2023

0

Oh, no, the tone of this essay feels casual and so I offered suggestions accordingly. Though at the same time, I can't say that my suggestions were aimed at producing the most natural English, either, because some of the phrasing was a little awkward and I wanted to focus on that.

I understand your concerns and if you have any preferences, I can try to keep them in mind for the future. Just for demonstration, I might write it like this:

> I've been hearing these noises at different times in the day, sort of like a vacuum cleaner or something. Always at least once in the morning, sometime in the afternoon, and the evening. This has been going on 2, maybe 3 years and it only just occurred to me the other day it's probably my neighbor's electric car. The city has its issues, but I love living here. [...]

splinterofchaos's avatar
splinterofchaos

Dec. 24, 2023

0

I don't know why langcorrect notified me of this reply since it wasn't to me, but while I'm here, I hope I'm not butting in, but:

> This phrase communicates a sense of longevity in your stay and conveys a positive sentiment about the duration of your presence.

"I'm still here" sounds to me more like you're saying that somehow, you're surviving. Whether it has positive or negative sentiments depends on the surrounding context. For example, "I got a pay cut so it's harder to keep up with rent, but I'm still here," means that somehow the speaker is able to keep their apartment despite the surrounding circumstances making that difficult. The only positive sentiment in that statement is that the speaker is glad to still somehow be able to make rent.

karlalou's avatar
karlalou

Jan. 24, 2024

0

Thanks for understanding. :) A business letter can be casual if the company decides in that direction, too. But personal writings don't need to expose everything. Novel writers don't tell everything at once at the beginning. If they did, the story ends there. Thanks for your version of the writing, but I hear the noise not once a day, but three times a day. :D

splinterofchaos's avatar
splinterofchaos

Jan. 24, 2024

0

> Thanks for your version of the writing, but I hear the noise not once a day, but three times a day. :D

Yes, that is as I wrote in my suggestion. In fact my use of "at least" suggested it could be more than that, just because I wasn't sure the specific degree of certainty the message should convey.

For a long time, maybe for a few years, I had been thinking someone nearby was vacuum-cleaning in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening almost everyday until one day this idea suddenly came to me that it might have been the sound of electric cars.


For a long time, maybe for a few years, I had been thinking someone nearby was vacuum-cleaning in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening, almost everyday until one day this idea suddenly came to me that it might have been the sound of electric cars.

The comma after "evening" is the "Oxford comma" and depending on who you ask, it's optional or mandatory. I think after a list, a comma is a good idea.

For a long time, maybe for a few years, I had been thinking someone nearby was vacuum-cleaning in the morning, (in the) afternoon, and (in the evening) almost every day until one day thise idea suddenly came to me that it might have been the sound of electric cars.

I am in the U.S.


I am in the U.S.

I’m currently living in the US.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I'm still here.


I'm still here.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In a city that I love so much, though today the city is suffering from problems.


I live in a city that I love so muchgreatly, though today the city is suffering from problems.

"In a city that I love so much" sounds like a preposition preparing to discuss life in that city, however the subject of the next sentence is the city itself so this is maybe ungrammatical or at least semantically incorrect.

In a city that I love so much, though today I noticed the city is suffering from problems.

If you write today I noticed it means that the city has been and continues to suffer from many problems and not only today.

I live in a city that I love so much, though today the city is suffering from problems.

元の文は sentence fragment です。

I have always liked the sound that something goes the sky makes.


I have always liked the sound that something goes the sky makesof aircrafts as pass by.

"something goes the sky makes." is unfortunately ungrammatical. Perhaps "things going through the sky make." "Things" instead of "something," because rather than talking about some unidentified object flying overhead, we are talking about a category of things. Now, if it's truly the helicopter, it might be best to declare its existence first, like this: "Something passes by every day (now that we've introduced the reader to it, we can comment on it:) and it produces a sound that I like."

I have always liked the sound that something goesa specific sound I often hear in the sky makes.

I have always liked the sound thatof something goesin the sky makes.

One day I discovered it was coming from a helicopter.


One day, I discovered it was coming from a helicopter.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They make the same or similar sound that I heard in 'Star Wars' in my country when I was a teenager.


They make the same or similar sound that I heard in 'Star Wars' in my country when I was a teenager back in my country.

I wonder if there's a secret rule in English that "when" comes before "in," or if it's just in this context. Just feels better to me this way.

They make the same or similar sound thatas the one I heard in 'Star Wars' in my country when I was a teenager.

Same or similar + AS

They make the same or similar sound that I heard in 'Star Wars' when I watched it in my country when I was a teenager.

難しい文だと思いますが、よく出来ました。

Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong to movies.


Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong to movies.

I checked the Japanese version to see what you might've intended by this, but the 結びつく in "映画の中の冒険と結びついている" is pretty hard to translate, at least literally. I went with "is of adventure" because "reminds me of watching those movies" was my first thought, but somehow (whether this is right or wrong) it felt about as close to literal as I could get to the wording in your Japanese version and it's perfectly natural English.

Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong toin movies.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I hear other sounds, too, but, since it's getting long, maybe I'll talk about them another time.


I hear other sounds, too, but, since it'this essay is getting long, maybe I'll talk about them another time.

I hear other sounds, too, but, since it's getting longate, maybe I'll talk about them another time.

I hear other sounds, too, but, since it'my essay is getting long, maybe I'll talk about them another time.

Sounds I Hear


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

For a long time, maybe for a few years, I had been thinking someone nearby was vacuum-cleaning in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening almost everyday until one day this idea suddenly came to me that it might have been the sound of electric cars.


I am in the U.S.


I'm still here.


In a city that I love so much, though today the city is suffering from problems.


I have always liked the sound that something goes the sky makes.


One day I discovered it was coming from a helicopter.


They make the same or similar sound that I heard in 'Star Wars' in my country when I was a teenager.


Therefore the sound, to me, is of adventures that belong to movies.


I hear other sounds, too, but, since it's getting long, maybe I'll talk about them another time.


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