Feb. 22, 2021
Sorrowful Incident
I'm going to talk about a sorrowful incident today. Do you know the show "TERRACE HOUSE" on Netflix? It's a popular show about six strangers living together and viewers observe how the interact. On May 23, an incident related to that show occured. A women who is currently on the show committed suicide. It is said that she committed suicide because she couldn't stand slanders on her social media. The people who slandered her may not have meant to kill her, but their heartless slanders killed her. I'm really saddened by this incident. Also, I hope that Japan will review their measures against slander on social media to make sure it doesn't happen again. For example, the people who slandered will be charged. I think there is bill of its kind, but it's not working. Government should regulate slander more strictly.
Sorrowful Incident
I'm going to talk about a sorrowful incident today.
Do you know the show "TERRACE HOUSE" on Netflix?
It's a popular show about six strangers living together and viewers observe how they interact.
I think you made a typo (said "the" instead of "they").
On May 23, an incident related to that show occurred.
Like "referred," the last letter in occur (r) should be doubled when written in the past tense.
This is tricky cause it's different from words like "offered."
The rule is: if the SECOND syllable is stressed, then the last letter is doubled.
If the FIRST syllable is stressed, then there is no doubling.
A women who is currentwas formerly on the show committed suicide.
Used "was" instead of "is" because she was on the show in the past.
Also said "formerly" on the show because it was in the past too.
It is said that she committed suicide because she couldn't stand the slanders on her social media.
"Slanders" isn't a term that is used often
The people who slandered her may not have meant to kill her, but their heartless slanders killed herwords did.
Changed "slanders" to words, and removed "killed her." I did this because it was a bit repetitive and it's good to change up the words you use!
I'm really saddened by this incident.
Also, I hope that Japan will review their measures against slander on social media to make sure it doesn't happen again.
For example, the people who slandered willshould be charged.
Using "will" sounds like it is something that will definitely happen. I think saying they "should be charged" fits with what you are trying to say!
I think there is already a bill of its kind, but it's not working.
Added this to make it more clear what you were saying.
GThe government should regulate slander more strictly.
The government is usually referred to as "the government"
Feedback
Great work- I totally understood what you were trying to say. My biggest point of feedback would be to change up the words you used! There are a lot of synonyms in English, so using a thesaurus to find alternate ways of saying something could be helpful.
Keep it up :)
March 6, 2021
Thank you so much!
I'll continue to work hard:)
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Sorrowful Incident This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I'm going to talk about a sorrowful incident today. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Do you know the show "TERRACE HOUSE" on Netflix? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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It's a popular show about six strangers living together and viewers observe how the interact. It's a popular show about six strangers living together and viewers observe how they interact. I think you made a typo (said "the" instead of "they"). |
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On May 23, an incident related to that show occured. On May 23, an incident related to that show occurred. Like "referred," the last letter in occur (r) should be doubled when written in the past tense. This is tricky cause it's different from words like "offered." The rule is: if the SECOND syllable is stressed, then the last letter is doubled. If the FIRST syllable is stressed, then there is no doubling. |
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A women who is currently on the show committed suicide. A women who Used "was" instead of "is" because she was on the show in the past. Also said "formerly" on the show because it was in the past too. |
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It is said that she committed suicide because she couldn't stand slanders on her social media. It is said that she committed suicide because she couldn't stand the slander "Slanders" isn't a term that is used often |
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The people who slandered her may not have meant to kill her, but their heartless slanders killed her. The people who slandered her may not have meant to kill her, but their heartless Changed "slanders" to words, and removed "killed her." I did this because it was a bit repetitive and it's good to change up the words you use! |
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I'm really saddened by this incident. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Also, I hope that Japan will review their measures against slander on social media to make sure it doesn't happen again. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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For example, the people who slandered will be charged. For example, the people who slandered Using "will" sounds like it is something that will definitely happen. I think saying they "should be charged" fits with what you are trying to say! |
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I think there is bill of its kind, but it's not working. I think there is already a bill of its kind, but it's not working. Added this to make it more clear what you were saying. |
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Government should regulate slander more strictly.
The government is usually referred to as "the government" |
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