July 28, 2020
Some Sentences!
- I am writing to apply for an internship in the area of fiber-optic expansion at Vodafone. I learned of the position through an advertisement on Indeed.com. Therefore, I am taking this opportunity to submit my application to be a part of the Vodafone Group. With the combination of my engineering education and research experience, I believe that I have the necessary prerequisites to work as an intern at Vodafone Fiber Optic Expansion in Düsseldorf.
- While working, I received a scholarship to get my master’s in transport engineering in Japan. At the department of transport engineering at Hiroshima University, we used R statistics software for decision making in case of transport planning which enhanced my analytical thinking and problem-solving ability. My thesis is titled “Smart Monitoring of Street Roughness” in which we used a smartphone to measure the International Roughness Index (IRI) using several transport modes.
- I am very excited about Vodafone's work, and I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you further about the internship opportunity at Vodafone. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Some parts of my cover letter for an internship.
- I am writing to apply for an internship in the area of fiber-optic ?expansion at Vodafone.
I don't know if "expansion" is the correct word here, but it strikes me as a bit odd. I don't work in that field though. I would recommend using their advertised job title. :)
Therefore, I am taking this opportunity to submit my application to be a part of the Vodafone Group.
This is not a reason, it is fluff. If you want to say you were attracted to X or Y in the job description or from your research of the job, that would be good, but as it stands this is superfluous.
With the combination of my engineering education and research experience, I believe that I have the necessary prerequisiwould be an excellent candidates to work as an intern at Vodafone Fiber Optic Expansion in Düsseldorf.
Oh I'm sorry, I'm straight up giving you advice here now ><;; "necessary prerequisites" is redundant. If I can ask, why are you writing this in English for a German company's job posting?
- While working, I received a scholarship to get my master’scontinue my education and earn a Master's degree (Studium) in transport engineering in Japan.
Studium is how they call it in Germany.
At the department of transport engineering at Hiroshima University, we used R statistics software for decision making in case of transport planning errors which enhanced my analytical thinking and problem-solving ability.
A noun was missing, I put in "errors", but maybe you mean something else. I'm not sure how a software, or even using a software, can "enhance your analytical thinking and problem-solving ability" and would encourage you to offer a concrete example. "Using ... software I helped avert potential failures in safety and underutilization due to overlooked maintenance logs."
My thesis is titled “Smart Monitoring of Street Roughness” in which we used a smartphone to measure the International Roughness Index (IRI) using several transport modes.
Please please talk about how this is related to Vodafone's work.
Feedback
I'm sure you're a great candidate! But... I didn't come out of it wanting to take you on. If you want, please write me about the Ausbildung system in Germany, I've been accepted to start in September and can possibly help answer some questions. Best of luck!
Aug. 2, 2020
Thanks a lot for the correction! I have brought some changes to my cover letter, and I have going to post that again.
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Some Sentences! |
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- I am writing to apply for an internship in the area of fiber-optic expansion at Vodafone. - I am writing to apply for an internship in the area of fiber-optic ?expansion at Vodafone. I don't know if "expansion" is the correct word here, but it strikes me as a bit odd. I don't work in that field though. I would recommend using their advertised job title. :) |
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I learned of the position through an advertisement on Indeed.com. |
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Therefore, I am taking this opportunity to submit my application to be a part of the Vodafone Group.
This is not a reason, it is fluff. If you want to say you were attracted to X or Y in the job description or from your research of the job, that would be good, but as it stands this is superfluous. |
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With the combination of my engineering education and research experience, I believe that I have the necessary prerequisites to work as an intern at Vodafone Fiber Optic Expansion in Düsseldorf. With the combination of my engineering education and research experience, I believe that I Oh I'm sorry, I'm straight up giving you advice here now ><;; "necessary prerequisites" is redundant. If I can ask, why are you writing this in English for a German company's job posting? |
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- While working, I received a scholarship to get my master’s in transport engineering in Japan. - While working, I received a scholarship to Studium is how they call it in Germany. |
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At the department of transport engineering at Hiroshima University, we used R statistics software for decision making in case of transport planning which enhanced my analytical thinking and problem-solving ability. At the department of transport engineering at Hiroshima University, we used R statistics software for decision making in case of transport planning errors which enhanced my analytical thinking and problem-solving ability. A noun was missing, I put in "errors", but maybe you mean something else. I'm not sure how a software, or even using a software, can "enhance your analytical thinking and problem-solving ability" and would encourage you to offer a concrete example. "Using ... software I helped avert potential failures in safety and underutilization due to overlooked maintenance logs." |
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My thesis is titled “Smart Monitoring of Street Roughness” in which we used a smartphone to measure the International Roughness Index (IRI) using several transport modes. My thesis is titled “Smart Monitoring of Street Roughness” in which we used a smartphone to measure the International Roughness Index (IRI) using several transport modes. Please please talk about how this is related to Vodafone's work. |
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- I am very excited about Vodafone's work, and I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you further about the internship opportunity at Vodafone. |
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Thank you very much for your time and consideration. |
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