Dec. 26, 2020
Slip Down
Today, I went to my university to join my club. Riding a motorcycle, I found a parking area covered with snow. Then, I wanted to make a big circle on the snow and headed to that place. However, it wasn't only snow, there was ice beneath the snow. My motorbike slipped and I became trapped. My friends were there, so they helped me to escape. Fortunately, I didn't hurt and my bike also didn't get scratched. I'll be more meticulous while riding.
I Slip Downped on the Snow
By itself "Slip Down" is not understandable: it sounds like you're telling someone else that they should do this.
Today, I went to my university to joinmeet up with my club.
"join my club" sounds like you're becoming a new member... of your own club, which is a contradiction.
RI was riding a motorcycle, and I found a parking area covered with snow.
Then, I wanted to make a big circle on the snow and headed to that placeover.
The "Then..." is clear from context. We can't say "to that place" since "that place" is undefined.
However, it wasn't only snow, there was ice beneath the snow.
My motorbike slipped and I became trapped underneath.
What you wrote is correct, but it's more specific to add "underneath" afterwards.
My friends were there, so they helped me to escape.
Fortunately, I didwasn't hurt and also my bike also didn't gewasn't scratched.
I'll be more meticulouscareful while riding in the future.
"meticulous" is not the right word here: you might use this word when cleaning a room, e.g. "when I was at school, my mother meticulously cleaned my room, and it's now spotless." Or about handwriting, e.g. "She is absolutely meticulous with her handwriting, you cannot find a single flaw." (The sentence flows better with "in the future" added at the end.)
Feedback
Well, I'm glad you're alright.
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Slip Down I Slip By itself "Slip Down" is not understandable: it sounds like you're telling someone else that they should do this. |
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Today, I went to my university to join my club. Today, I went to my university to "join my club" sounds like you're becoming a new member... of your own club, which is a contradiction. |
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Riding a motorcycle, I found a parking area covered with snow.
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Then, I wanted to make a big circle on the snow and headed to that place.
The "Then..." is clear from context. We can't say "to that place" since "that place" is undefined. |
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However, it wasn't only snow, there was ice beneath the snow. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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My motorbike slipped and I became trapped. My motorbike slipped and I became trapped underneath. What you wrote is correct, but it's more specific to add "underneath" afterwards. |
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My friends were there, so they helped me to escape. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Fortunately, I didn't hurt and my bike also didn't get scratched. Fortunately, I |
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I'll be more meticulous while riding. I'll be more "meticulous" is not the right word here: you might use this word when cleaning a room, e.g. "when I was at school, my mother meticulously cleaned my room, and it's now spotless." Or about handwriting, e.g. "She is absolutely meticulous with her handwriting, you cannot find a single flaw." (The sentence flows better with "in the future" added at the end.) |
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