Dec. 23, 2020
Shyness
I'm a very shy person, which makes it hard for me to do a lot of stuff. I miss a lot of opportunities because I don't have the courage to say what I want. I'm so shy that I struggle even when I go to the bakery.
I'm always told I speak too quietly and that people can't hear me. Eventually, people not hearing me made it pointless to speak, so I'm now a girl of few words. A few weeks ago my best friend showed me a video in which I took part to show me how it turned out. It was a video for her birthday that was planned and edited by her parents. It turned out to be a really good video. However, I noticed that I had spoken so softly that I could barely understand what I was saying. I'm not sure what to do about it because I don't realize how soft I speak when I do it.
Despite all of this, the worst part of being this shy is the nervousness. If I'm talking to an audience (for example, during presentations), or if someone pays me too much attention, I start literally shaking, my face turns red and my heart beats incredibly fast. I don't like people looking at me or having their attention because I believe they are focusing on all my flaws. Even if it's not like this, that's what goes through my mind. And maybe that's because that's all I see when I look in the mirror or think about myself.
Shyness
I'm a very shy person, which makes it hard for me to do a lot of stuff.
I miss a lot of opportunities because I don't have the courage to say what I want.
I'm so shy that I struggle even when I go to the bakery.
I'm always told I speak too quietly and that people can't hear me.
Eventually, people not hearing me made it pointless to speak, so I'm now a girl of few words.
This is not wrong, but I think there might be a smoother way to say it. I think this is better:
People not hearing me eventually made it pointless to speak, so now I'm a girl of few words.
A few weeks ago my best friend showed me a video in which I took part to show me how it turned out.
I would replace "in which I took part" with "I participated in" but again this is not wrong
It was a video for her birthday that was planned and edited by her parents.
It turned out to be a really good video.
However, I noticed that I had spoken so softly that I could barely understand what I was saying.
I'm not sure what to do about it because I don't realize how soft I speak when I do it.
Despite all of this, the worst part of being this shy is the nervousness.
I would replace "the nervousness" with "how nervous I feel" or "how nervous it makes me" -- more natural in my opinion.
If I'm talking to an audience (for example, during presentations), or if someone pays me too much attention to me, I start literally shaking, my face turns red and my heart beats incredibly fast.
I think the way you have it is technically correct but I'm more used to it this way.. I will do research and edit this comment if necessary
I don't like people looking at me or havpaying their attention to me because I believe they are focusing on all my flaws.
Even if it's not like thisthis isn't the case, that's what goes through my mind.
And maybe that's because that's all I see when I look in the mirror or think about myself.
Feedback
Very good writing. My edits are for more natural/common phrasing but overall you communicate very well.
Dec. 24, 2020
Re: the last part of your essay, I'm wishing you the best with your shyness. I want to write more but I'm not sure how to put it into words...
Dec. 24, 2020
Thank you so much!
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Shyness This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I'm a very shy person, which makes it hard for me to do a lot of stuff. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I miss a lot of opportunities because I don't have the courage to say what I want. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I'm so shy that I struggle even when I go to the bakery. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I'm always told I speak too quietly and that people can't hear me. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Eventually, people not hearing me made it pointless to speak, so I'm now a girl of few words. Eventually, people not hearing me made it pointless to speak, so I'm now a girl of few words. This is not wrong, but I think there might be a smoother way to say it. I think this is better: People not hearing me eventually made it pointless to speak, so now I'm a girl of few words. |
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A few weeks ago my best friend showed me a video in which I took part to show me how it turned out. A few weeks ago my best friend showed me a video in which I took part to show me how it turned out. I would replace "in which I took part" with "I participated in" but again this is not wrong |
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It was a video for her birthday that was planned and edited by her parents. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
It turned out to be a really good video. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
However, I noticed that I had spoken so softly that I could barely understand what I was saying. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I'm not sure what to do about it because I don't realize how soft I speak when I do it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Despite all of this, the worst part of being this shy is the nervousness. Despite all of this, the worst part of being this shy is the nervousness. I would replace "the nervousness" with "how nervous I feel" or "how nervous it makes me" -- more natural in my opinion. |
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If I'm talking to an audience (for example, during presentations), or if someone pays me too much attention, I start literally shaking, my face turns red and my heart beats incredibly fast. If I'm talking to an audience (for example, during presentations), or if someone pays I think the way you have it is technically correct but I'm more used to it this way.. I will do research and edit this comment if necessary |
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I don't like people looking at me or having their attention because I believe they are focusing on all my flaws. I don't like people looking at me or |
|
Even if it's not like this, that's what goes through my mind. Even if |
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And maybe that's because that's all I see when I look in the mirror or think about myself. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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