Some people believe the top priority of schools should be to help students to acquire knowledge of different subjects, such as literature and mathematics.

From my perspective, however, schools have the responsibility to teach children to know about the boundary between right and wrong.

Schools invest muchvast amounts of time in the core subjects, mainly because the score of the college entrance examination is the only standard to measure students’ abilities, especially in China.

The higher the scores, the more chances there will be to enter a prestigious university.

In this circumstance, students have no choice but to devote almost all of their available time to academic studies, causing them to hardly have any time to attend classes ofor developing healthy behaviors.

If students only have a high ranking ion their daily tests without having some basic groundsing in behaviors, I guess they will not have some achievements in their careers.

For example, imagine that a student who graduated from a well-known college doesn’t know how to show any respect tofor their leaders and deliberately makes false data in their daily work, even though he or she has an excellent academic score or ranking in the college, he or she will not get along with their co-workers well.

As I see it, although owhaving a good academic grades is a good thing, knowing about the boundary between right and wrong is also necessary.

If people possess both abilities at the same time, they are prone to gainachieve success in their later careers.

As long asIf they lose their judgement about telling right from wrong, ithere will probably have an adverse effect on their future lifeves.

Taking a salesman as an example, if he exaggerates functions and qualities of their goods to cheat consumers, he will face the risk of being dismissed, even if he has rich experience in this field.

Conversely, no matter what stupid questions customers have, if he is always patient toin giveing them a reasonable answer, he will havedevelop the possibility tof getting a promotion.

Some people believe the top priority of schools should be to help students to acquire knowledge of different subjects, such as literature and mathematics.

From my perspective, however, schools have the responsibility to teach children to know about the boundaryhow to tell the difference between right and wrong.

Your original sentence is grammatically correct. I rephrased it so it is a bit clearer.

Schools invest mucha lot of time in the core subjects, mainly because the score of the college entrance examination is the only standard to measure students’ abilities, especially in China.

- Here is a link explaining "a lot", if you are interested: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/grammar/british-grammar/much-many-a-lot-of-lots-of-quantifiers

The higher the scores, the more chances therestudents will bhave to enter a prestigious university.

In this circumstance, students have no choice but to devote almost all of their available time to academic studies, causing them hardly have time to attend classes ofor developing healthy behaviors.

On the other hand, some opponents of this view argue that it is also important for young people to understand what is right and what is wrong.

If students only have a high ranking in their daily tests without having some basic grounds in behaviors, I guess they will not have some achievementachieve certain goals in their careers.

What do you mean exactly by 'behaviors"? Here are some suggestions you could try using instead, depending on what you mean:
- if they are not well-rounded people
- if they don't have knowledge that goes beyond academic subjects
- emotional intelligence
- humanistic education

I also rephrased the "have some achievements". "Some" is too vague here, you should use "certain" instead. I couldn't think of a way to use "achievement" naturally as well, so I used it as a verb instead.

For example, imagine that a student who graduated from a well-known college doesn’t show any respect to their leaders and deliberately makes falsefalsifies data in their daily work, e. Even thoughif he or she has an excellent academic score or ranking in the college, he or she will not get along well with their co-workers well.

- Use "if" instead of "though" here because it a hypothetical situation (it hasn't actually happened).

As I see it, although owbtaining a good academic grade is a good thing, knowing about the boundary between right and wrong is also necessary.

If people possess both abilities at the same time, they are prone to gainlikely to be successful in their later careers.

- Prone usually has a negative connotation (prone to illness, prone to lying, etc)

As long asIf they lose their judgement about tellingbetween right fromand wrong, there will probably havbe an adverse effect on their future life.

Taking a salesman as an example, if he exaggerates functions and qualities of theirhis goods to cheat consumers, he will face the risk of being dismissed, even if he has rich experience in this field.

Conversely, no matter what stupid questions customers have, if he is always patient toand gives them a reasonable answer, he will have the possibility to get a promotion.

In conclusion, while I understand some people playce emphasis on academic subjects, what I think is that teaching young people the importance of discriminating between right and wrong also plays a key part in students’ long-term development.