July 4, 2021
Sentences 10 – 12
1. Such variations in height, weight, skin color and the like remained negligible in significance for the effect of the stage performance of the group.
2. It was possible to demonstrate by other methods refined the correlation between tailpipe emissions and global warming; however, proof was lacking that large amounts of exhaust emissions are a major contributor to global warming.
3. Although the help of video games for learning has never been disproved, the doctrine was generally abandoned by many parents in favor of the opposing view, namely, that games make children lack motivation and dislike learning.
Sentences 10 – 12
1. Such variations in height, weight, skin color and the like remained negligible in significance for the effect of the group's stage performance of the group.
Sounds a bit clearer without the multiple "of the"
Even more concise you could also write:
Such variations in height, weight, skin color and the like remained negligible in significance towards the group's stage performance.
2. It was possible to demonstrate by other methods refineding the correlation between tailpipe emissions and global warming; however, proof was lacking that large amounts of exhaust emissions are a major contributor to global warming.
Not sure if this is what you mean here.
3. Although the helpbenefits of video games for learning has never been disproved, the doctrineidea was generally abandondismissed by many parents in favor of the opposing view, namely, that games make children lack motivation and dislike learning.
I'm inclined to use idea instead of doctrine, doctrine sounds like it was more widely believed and accepted.
I would used dismissed if it was never adopted in the first place, if it was fully adopted then abandoned could be appropriate.
July 5, 2021
Thank you very much for the corrections :)
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Sentences 10 – 12 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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1. Such variations in height, weight, skin color and the like remained negligible in significance for the effect of the stage performance of the group. 1. Such variations in height, weight, skin color and the like remained negligible in significance for the effect of the group's stage performance Sounds a bit clearer without the multiple "of the" Even more concise you could also write: Such variations in height, weight, skin color and the like remained negligible in significance towards the group's stage performance. |
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2. It was possible to demonstrate by other methods refined the correlation between tailpipe emissions and global warming; however, proof was lacking that large amounts of exhaust emissions are a major contributor to global warming. 2. It was possible to demonstrate by other methods refin Not sure if this is what you mean here. |
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3. Although the help of video games for learning has never been disproved, the doctrine was generally abandoned by many parents in favor of the opposing view, namely, that games make children lack motivation and dislike learning. 3. Although the I'm inclined to use idea instead of doctrine, doctrine sounds like it was more widely believed and accepted. I would used dismissed if it was never adopted in the first place, if it was fully adopted then abandoned could be appropriate. |
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