Dear professors, thank you for givaffording me this goldean opportunity to be interviewed here today.I’m chut My name is Chu Tianjiao and I go by Jane. I majored in pPublic sService Management at College of Modern Science Aand Technology, Hebel Agricultural uUniversity.I was born and raised in bBaoding.

Changed some words to be more formal/更适合面试风格

I' am a passionate, driven and self-motivated person who complewholeheartedly believes that nothing is impossible for a willing hearif you set your mind to it.

The last part is a common way of expressing this idea

Therefore, I got theMy team and I achieved third prizlace in the “文爽杯” for Ccollege students. 。The competition took thefocused on three rural issues as the entry point, and our team tookthat affected rural areas, and our team specifically researched the incident of cerebral palsy in Hubei province during the epidemic as the research object.

你多解释一下这个杯的结构的话我可以多帮你修改一点吧．不要当然也没问题

In addition, I got thewas awarded a second prize scholarship and thea third scholarship due to my performance in the comprehensive assessment of the academic year, andin addition to a number of single-subject scholarships.

I have been the league branch secretary since my freshman year. I consider myself pretty good at multitasking and I like to stay busy.

Which league?

I' am committed to lifelong learning, to being a role model student whilst I'm ate attending your university and to ensuring I do everything I can to achieve my goals.

Be a role model/be a model ___, not both combined

If I'm successful am accepted, I will take my studies seriously.

I would cut this sentence.

I will most certainly put in the required effort and more to pass the exams with the highest grades possible, read more and read course-related materials and literatures, as well as attend academic meetings positively.

This sentence also feels a little redundant or unnecessary stylistically. A more concise could simply be "I will be most diligent in my studies."

Most importantly, I will definitely make each day count as a postgraduate student.

sSelf-i Introduction

Dear pProfessors,t¶
¶
Thank you for giving me this goldene opportunity to be interviewed here today.I’ I am cChut Tianjiao and, though I go by Jane. I majored in public service Mmanagement at the College of Modern Science And Technology at Hebeli Agricultural uUniversity. I was born and raised in bBaoding, China.

With formal letters, it's better to not use contractions as those tend to come off as informal.
In English, we typically separate our first and last names and write them "first name, last name." Please forgive me if I messed up your name in the correction above.

I'I am a passionate, driven, and self-motivated person who completely believes that nothing is impossible for a willing heart.

This is a great sentence.

Therefore, I gotI received the third prize in the “文爽杯” for Ccollege students 。The. It was a competition took thehat focused on three rural issues as the entry point, and o. Our team tookchose the incidentssue of cCerebral pPalsy in the Hubei province during the epipandemic as our the research object.

I would specify the type of competition. Was it a writing competition? A problem solving competition? I would also write out the competition name in English if possible so it can be looked up by the people reading this letter.

In addition, I gotreceived the second prize scholarship and theand third prize scholarships in the comprehensive assessment of the academic year, ands well as a number of single-subject scholarships.

I have been the league branch secretary since my freshman year.I consider myself pretty I am good at multitasking and I like to stay busy.

You might want to specify what a league branch secretary is.

I'I am committed to lifelong learning, to being a role model student whilst I'm at your university, and to ensuring that I do everything I can to achieve my goals.

If I'm successful am accepted, I will take my studies seriously.

I will most certainly put in the required effort and more to pass themy exams with the highest grades possible, read more course-related materials and literatures, as well as attend academic meetings positivefrequently.

Most importantly, I will definitely make each day count as a postgraduate student.

sSelf-introduction

Dear professors, thank you for giving me this golden opportunity to be interviewed here today. I’m cChutianj Jiao and I go by Jane. I majored in public service Management at College of Modern Science And Technology Hebel Agricultural university. I was born and raised in bBaoding.

Therefore, I got the third prize in “文爽杯” for Ccollege students. 。The competition took the three rural issues as the entry point, and our team took the incident of cerebral palsy in Hubei province during the epidemic as the research object.

In addition, I got the second prize scholarship and the third scholarship in the comprehensive assessment of the academic year, and a number of single-subject scholarships.

I have been the league branch secretary since my freshman year. I consider myself pretty good at multitasking and I like to stay busy.

I'm committed to lifelong learning, to being a role model student whilste I'm at your university and to ensuringe I do everything I can (in order) to achieve my goals.

If I'mit's successful, I will take my studies seriously.

I will most certainly put in the required effort and more to pass the exams with the highest grades possible, read more course-related materials and literatures as well as attending academic meetings [regularly?]positively.

I think you mean "regularly" instead of "positively"?

Dear professors, thank you for giving me this golden opportunity to be interviewed here today. I’m chutianjiao and I go by Jane.I majored in public service Management at the College of Modern Science And Technology in Hebel Agricultural uUniversity .I was born and raised in bBaoding.

I'm a passionate, very driven and self-motivated person who completely believe that nothing is impossible for a willing heart.

I'm committed to lifelong learning, to being a role model student whilst I'm at your university and to ensuring I do everything I can to achieve my goals.