Equestria dihadn’'t even wawoken up properly; it's no wonder that Starlight slept till the noon, and snoon. She didn’t understand why her parents didn’t wake her. Equestria hadn't woken up properly; it's no wonder that Starlight slept till noon. She didn’t understand why her parents didn’t wake her.

"didn't even" isn't really the appropriate phrase here, it's usually used to express an exacerbated/disapproving tone and isn't really used in prose like this. I changed it to "hadn't woken up" and split the sentence in two to make it flow better.

They lived awayfar from Equestria, too away, if be correfar, to be exact,; and her family lived in saggy, old, dusty 2-floand sagging, two-story house. They lived far from Equestria, too far, to be exact; and her family lived in old, dusty and sagging, two-story house.

"Away" is fine in the first part of the sentence, but "too away" is incorrect, it'd be "too far". To have it match with the first part I made it "far from", but it's optional. I switched up the words at the end of the sentence just to give it more variety. "Sagging" instead of "saggy" also sounds more natural.

It looked like Equestria rose up, and refined, but in the process, they forgot and abandoned a couple of specializations. It looked like Equestria rose up, and refined, but in the process, they forgot and abandoned a couple of specializations.

This sentence doesn't really make sense and I don't really know how to correct it.

A few of them forgotten ones, unfortunately, were Starlight’s parents. A few of the forgotten ones, unfortunately, were Starlight’s parents.

Firstly, companies started to paid them much less thantheir employers [cut their pay/reduced their wages] a few weeks ago, then they said that ther parents wouly'd be fired – Firstly, their employers [cut their pay/reduced their wages] a few weeks ago, then they said that they'd be fired –

«"We understand your conditions and that you wouldn’t have money for your family and food, on accounbut we could offer a couple of professionother jobs for you»", they tried, but they couldn’t do it, noneany of of those jobs. "We understand your conditions and that you wouldn’t have money for your family and food, but we could offer a couple of other jobs for you", they tried, but they couldn’t do any of of those jobs.

You see, our cutie marks reflect our future, and determined who we would be when we grew up. You see, our cutie marks reflect our future, and determined who we would be when we grew up.

This sentence isn't grammatically wrong, but I can't tell who's saying this.

That was the thing that shouldn’t have happened, but it happens; from the outside it seemed that Equestria and Celestia itherself just abandoned them, just suddenly forgot about their lives, when they stopped got intobeing a part of their plans. That was the thing that shouldn’t have happened; from the outside it seemed that Equestria and Celestia herself just abandoned them, just suddenly forgot about their lives, when they stopped being a part of their plans.