yesterday
His kind gaze behind his bright red glasses seemed too angelic to be completely innocent. A self-satisfied smirk on his juvenile face reinforced this suspicion, and his slightly arrogant haircut, a well-organised mess, didn’t help at all.
He was sitting upright in an armchair far too big for his teenage stature, giving the impression of him sitting on a majestic throne. Lying on the armrests and gripping the fabric fiercely, his thin arms proclaimed his will to possess this ultimate symbol of power.
In front of him, to his left, was a large, comfortable couch – surely to give audience to distinguished subjects, or why not his little sister. To his right, a roaring fire crackled in the wood stove, warming his tiny royal feet dressed in fancy socks.
A little further away, just enough for his tolerance, were the common folk with their very annoying excitement – his beloved family! Gathered around a living room table with a generous choice of drinks and cakes, his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and his cousins were engaged in animated family conversations of a Sunday afternoon.
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, his father raised his voice: “I would never have talked to my father like that!” A heavy silence fell over the room. The words gave way to anxious glances, some searching for answers, others trying to avoid an awkward moment. After a few tense seconds, the discussions resumed hastily and hesitantly, as a collective effort to erase that disturbing memory.
Fortunately, the little king on his throne didn’t notice the brief impertinence of his progenitor. Unfortunately, his reign was far from over!
He was sitting upright in an armchair far too big for his teenage stature, [giving the impression of him sitting] on a majestic throne. He was sitting upright in an armchair far too big for his teenage stature, [giving the impression of him sitting] on a majestic throne.
The wording here is a little awkward. I think it would flow better to write, "which gave the impression that he was"
To his right, a roaring fire crackled in the wood stove, warming his tiny royal feet dressed in fancy socks. To his right, a roaring fire crackled in the wood stove, warming his tiny royal feet dressed in fancy socks.
The detail that stands out as possibly being out of place are his tiny feet. It's hard for me to imagine a teenager with feet that small, not that it couldn't be the case, but "teenage stature" suggests that his height is average or normal for his age, so that makes it strange that his feet would not be. (But maybe his tiny feet will be explained later in the story.)
[Unfortunately,] his reign was far from over! [Unfortunately,] his reign was far from over!
Since there is no interaction between the nephew and the others, I don't know why it his continuing reign would be unfortunate. The only hints are his self-satisfied smirk and his kind eyes that are not completely innocent, but I'm not sure those attributes are negative enough to support "unfortunately."
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This is a really interesting creative piece.
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Nephew the Second |
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His kind gaze behind his bright red glasses seemed too angelic to be completely innocent. |
|
A self-satisfied smirk on his juvenile face reinforced this suspicion, and his slightly arrogant haircut, a well-organised mess, didn’t help at all. |
|
He was sitting upright in an armchair far too big for his teenage stature, giving the impression of him sitting on a majestic throne. He was sitting upright in an armchair far too big for his teenage stature, [giving the impression of him sitting] on a majestic throne. He was sitting upright in an armchair far too big for his teenage stature, [giving the impression of him sitting] on a majestic throne. The wording here is a little awkward. I think it would flow better to write, "which gave the impression that he was" |
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Lying on the armrests and gripping the fabric fiercely, his thin arms proclaimed his will to possess this ultimate symbol of power. |
|
In front of him, to his left, was a large, comfortable couch – surely to give audience to distinguished subjects, or why not his little sister. |
|
To his right, a roaring fire crackled in the wood stove, warming his tiny royal feet dressed in fancy socks. To his right, a roaring fire crackled in the wood stove, warming his tiny royal feet dressed in fancy socks. To his right, a roaring fire crackled in the wood stove, warming his tiny royal feet dressed in fancy socks. The detail that stands out as possibly being out of place are his tiny feet. It's hard for me to imagine a teenager with feet that small, not that it couldn't be the case, but "teenage stature" suggests that his height is average or normal for his age, so that makes it strange that his feet would not be. (But maybe his tiny feet will be explained later in the story.) |
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A little further away, just enough for his tolerance, were the common folk with their very annoying excitement – his beloved family! |
|
Gathered around a living room table with a generous choice of drinks and cakes, his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and his cousins were engaged in animated family conversations of a Sunday afternoon. |
|
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, his father raised his voice: “I would never have talked to my father like that!” |
|
A heavy silence fell over the room. |
|
The words gave way to anxious glances, some searching for answers, others trying to avoid an awkward moment. |
|
After a few tense seconds, the discussions resumed hastily and hesitantly, as a collective effort to erase that disturbing memory. |
|
Fortunately, the little king on his throne didn’t notice the brief impertinence of his progenitor. |
|
Unfortunately, his reign was far from over! [Unfortunately,] his reign was far from over! [Unfortunately,] his reign was far from over! Since there is no interaction between the nephew and the others, I don't know why it his continuing reign would be unfortunate. The only hints are his self-satisfied smirk and his kind eyes that are not completely innocent, but I'm not sure those attributes are negative enough to support "unfortunately." |
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