Dec. 24, 2024
The Break of Dawn
The first thing in the morning is to look at the eastern sky.
Opening the window to see it feels a bit chilly, but only for a moment. At 6 a.m., the sun is still hidden, yet the lower part of the sky begins to glow with shades of red and orange. This mystical sight soothes my soul.
朝一番に東の空を見るのが好きだ。窓を開けて眺めると少し寒いが、それもほんの一瞬のこと。朝の6時にはまだ太陽は隠れているが、空の下の方が赤やオレンジ色に染まり始めている。この神秘的な光景に心が癒される。
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The Break of Dawn
The fFirst thing in the morning is to, look ato the eastern sky.
First thing in the morning, look to the eastern sky.
This feels more like an order / instruction to the reader, and in turn feels more poetic.
Opening the window to see it feels. Feel it. It may be a bit chilly, but only for a moment.
Open the window to see it. Feel it. It may be a bit chilly, but only for a moment.
At 6 a.m., the sun is still hidden, yet the lower part of the sky begins to glow with shades of red and orange.
At 6 a.m. the sun is still hidden, yet the lower part of the sky begins to glow with shades of red and orange.
This mystical sight soothes myone's soul.
This mystical sight soothes one's soul.
I feel removing the 'my' pronoun makes the writing more impactful. The reader can resonate with you.
Feedback
Lovely piece of work, it feels like a poem. You could put the personal pronouns back in like "I" or "my", but I think it reads better in third person.
Dec. 24, 2024
Thank you for your corrections and advices.
The Break of Dawn
The first thing in the morning is to look at the eastern sky.
Opening the window to see it feels a bit chilly, but only for a moment.
At 6 a.m., the sun is still hidden, yet the lower part of the sky begins to glow with shades of red and orange.
This mystical sight soothes my soul.
Feedback
Good job mate :-)
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The Break of Dawn This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The first thing in the morning is to look at the eastern sky. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
This feels more like an order / instruction to the reader, and in turn feels more poetic. |
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Opening the window to see it feels a bit chilly, but only for a moment. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
Open |
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At 6 a.m., the sun is still hidden, yet the lower part of the sky begins to glow with shades of red and orange. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
At 6 a.m. |
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This mystical sight soothes my soul. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
This mystical sight soothes I feel removing the 'my' pronoun makes the writing more impactful. The reader can resonate with you. |
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