Dec. 3, 2019
A few yeas ago i bough a car which consumes the oils more faster than normal. In reality i understand no care consumes the oils if that car has normal systems, so i begin to believe that the car has a symptom that the mechanic should to check. Then the problem at that time is no have enough money for to pay a evaluation for complete, so i need find solutions for the oils reduction, and for the good fortune of those times, there is agressive economic revival in my zone, and they open a city of dollars where to buy cheap everything, and for the good fortune of mine they sells oils of the w50 that is good for the systems in the car i talk about. So i go and discover that this product is economic to levels no one could believe, and if regular oils have the price of nine dollars this oils is only two dollars so i am surprise and buy a big stock to take to the garage and keep oils there for to use when the car has no more and with that protect the motor. In the start it is good and the motor makes sounds like kitty and all in house are elated for such good investing in the stock, and all feel is enough oils for to save enough cash to take car to mechanic and fix the repairs that needs. This situations evolutions to a hole new system and now I carry a card bored box in the trunks for to carry six or eight bottles of oils special if the travel is large, and we need to feed the motor because it consumptions the oil, and so far so good, no problem in nothing. Tough my friends who knows this tells me it is bad idea do this, and i say yes you have a dot, but i know what i do, and continue with plan to extension the life of the motor 'till the moment all money is sufficient for to take to the shop and take the mechanic for a spin so he analyzes the conditions the car has. But a little i dident know, and on one day with out nothing to give me warnings, the crackle in bellow the hood begins and i say oh my god what is this, and pull the over to the side of the road, and when i turn the cap clockwise counter it shoots drops of oils into the roof and the hood, and i am not believe this is happen but this is no time for to considerations to call for helps because the night is approaching so i pop the trunks and take one full bottle and three quarts of the second and spill in the inside of the motor, and when starts sounds good again so i drive into the night but keep in mind the feeling this is not the end. It is not the end. A little days after the crackle begins again under the roof of the hood, but now at the exit of the smoke tube too and it makes sounds like fartings with smoke smelling gasoline and is now bad to levels that we have no preparation, and again one more time we go to the trunks but this time its not only one bottle and three quarts but 3 bottles full and when start the car, the crackle got off the car but in my mind i believe this is not last time i hearing from him and drive into the road again with this emotions in my head. Now it is inevitable to think the cars has to go to the mechanic but the money that is put in the bank is not sufficient still and i opt for to talk to him and arrive at a deal, so this is what i say: this and this happen because i find bargain in the city of dollars, and spill the oils into the motor for ten months now and money is almost ready but not complete still, and a little time before the crackle begins and the second times it comes with the comany of smoke that comes out of the smoke tube, and people looks funny to the car when it drives, and specially in traffics with many many cars, and it cant's continue anymore, so please help me arrive to deal and maybe i pay you in payments, so he says to me when i stop: you are good man of good word and i have no problem give you this deal, but let's open the hood and ignite the car, and we do this but oh my god, the smoke fill into the room in less than two seconds and we suffocation to almost losing conscience and the crackle is impossible to support so we walked fast to the outside of the shop, and nothing we can do, we wait for the gasoline in the motor to consume and it finishes and the crackle ends and it is over. So i look at the car and he look at the car also and moves his head like he says no in silent with the eyes on the floor, and at the end of many seconds, he blows a little air and says me he need open the motor, and to come back three hours later, so i do this, and the surprise, is oh my god, the motor is open and all shiny parts have a cover of a liquid like honeys, and the mechanic says the oils we use for all this time is cover the motor in the inside and contaminations all the system and he needs to do the overhauls like the show on the TV with CHIP FOOS but the question in my head was this costs very expensive and i have terror for asking the total values of the overhauls whether it is costing one eye of the face and of course, he says yes. So i now travel to my work and to my home in the transport public to learn it is comfortable with the seats, and people like to talk to you, even in the times that you wish only to rest your eyes, i there i meet interesting peoples for to talk with, and too many travel in this transport all days so its like a community on tires, and after a month and two weeks the mechanic calls me to come and give the car a check and no crakles anymore, and he puts a new tube of smoke in the back in the style of FAST AND FURIOS the first, and likes me very much, and biggest recommendations he makes is to stay away from the oils of two dollars, and he tells me i have no worries again because a car no concumptions the oils if it is normal, only makes black the oils after many many kilometers like ten thousands, and i make a promise to me in my head that i can never fall in the fantasy of cheaps oils again. Today i still make payments for the overhauls but the car motor's makes purr like a brand new kittens.
So iI look at the car and he looks at the car also and moves his head likeas he says no in silentce with the eyes on the floor, and at the end of many secondsfter a while, he blows a little air and says to me he needs to open the motor, and to come back three hours later, so iI do this, and the surprise, is "oh my god, the motor is open and all shiny parts have a cover of a liquid like honeysare covered in a honey-like liquid", and the mechanic says the oils wthey've used for all this time isare covering the motor ion the inside and contaminationsng all the systems and he needs to do thean overhauls like the show on the TV with CHIP FOOS but the question in my head wais this costis very expensive and i haveam terror forified to asking the total valuescost of the overhauls, whether it iswill costing one eye of the face and of course, he says yes.
This has a lot of run-on sentences, meaning sentences that go on too long without a period at the end. I decided not to change all of those because that would change too much from the original writing.
Today iI still make payments for the overhauls but the car motor's makes purrs like a brand new kittens.
Feedback
There are a lot of run-on sentences in this, meaning the sentences go on too long without ending with a period. But most of the actual arrangement of words is understandable.
Problems with incorrect oils and car breaks overdown for good.
"break down" is a phrasal verb (also can be called a compound verb). so when talking about a car (or other large machinery) not working again, you will always you "break" and "down" together.
A few years ago i, I bought a car which consumes the oils moreoils faster than normal.
"more" is redundant here.
Oils is a collective noun so you do not need "the"
You'll place a "," (comma) after an introductory phrase/word: "A few years ago, I..." "However, I..." etc.
In reality i, I understand that no care consumes the oils burns through oil that quickly if thate car has normal systems, so iI begin to believe that the car has a symptoproblem that the mechanic should to check.
When we talk about cars using oil, we tend to say "use the oil" or "burns through oil" and not consumes. Consuming is usually reserved for a human or animal.
I chose to correct it to "Burns through oil that quickly" as it sounded stronger and relayed just how fast the oil was burning rather than "uses oil that fast" which would also work, but doesn't show the same sense of urgency.
Then the problem at that time is noI don't have enough money for to pay for an evaluation for complete, so iI need to find solutions for the oils reduction, and f. For the good fortune of those times, there is an aggressive economic revival in my zonearea, and they open a c"City of dDollars" where to buy cheap everything, and for the good fortune of mine they sells oils of the w50 that is good for the systems in the car i talk aeverything can be purchased cheaply, and lucky for me they sell w50 that is good for the car I bought.
Money is something you are lacking possession (don't have) of .
For was in the wrong place.
a vs an - The next word starts with a vowel so you will use an
No need to say "completed" because we can assume the evaluation would be completed if you could pay for it.
Zone sounds strange here. Zone is usually a builders term when it comes to properly. Someone on the streets would just say "area".
"City of Dollars" is this a store?
Oils is redundant here, we can assume you are talking about oil for your car since that has been the topic of the journal so far. If you wanted to keep it in you could also say "they sell the w50 oil that is good for"
So iI go and discover that this product is economic to levels no one could believe, and if r. Regular oils have the price ofare nine dollars each and this oils is only two dollars so iI am surprised and buy a big stock to take to the garage and. I'll keep oilsthem there for to use when the car has no more and with that protect the motoroil.
In the start it is good and the motor makes sounds like kitty and all inIt was good to start and the motor purred. Everyone in the house arewas elated for such good investing in the good stock, and all feel ithere was enough oils for to save enough cash to last until enough cash could be saved to take car to mechanic and fix the repairs that it needs.
The sound kittens make is "purring" which is also used by car people. They say the ended "purred" to mean it was quiet and working well or that it "roared to life" just saying that it quickly started with no issues.
Feedback
Remember to capitalize your "I's" and watch for unnecessary "The's"!
Your sentences get really long which make them flow strangely. In general, you should have no more than 2-3 concepts in a sentence and only 1 "and" connecting it. If you are going to put another "and", place a period ( "." ) and start a new sentence.
Problems with incorrect oils and car breaks over for good. Problems with incorrect oils and car breaks "break down" is a phrasal verb (also can be called a compound verb). so when talking about a car (or other large machinery) not working again, you will always you "break" and "down" together. |
A few yeas ago i bough a car which consumes the oils more faster than normal. A few years ago "more" is redundant here. Oils is a collective noun so you do not need "the" You'll place a "," (comma) after an introductory phrase/word: "A few years ago, I..." "However, I..." etc. |
In reality i understand no care consumes the oils if that car has normal systems, so i begin to believe that the car has a symptom that the mechanic should to check. In reality When we talk about cars using oil, we tend to say "use the oil" or "burns through oil" and not consumes. Consuming is usually reserved for a human or animal. I chose to correct it to "Burns through oil that quickly" as it sounded stronger and relayed just how fast the oil was burning rather than "uses oil that fast" which would also work, but doesn't show the same sense of urgency. |
Then the problem at that time is no have enough money for to pay a evaluation for complete, so i need find solutions for the oils reduction, and for the good fortune of those times, there is agressive economic revival in my zone, and they open a city of dollars where to buy cheap everything, and for the good fortune of mine they sells oils of the w50 that is good for the systems in the car i talk about. Then the problem at that time is Money is something you are lacking possession (don't have) of . For was in the wrong place. a vs an - The next word starts with a vowel so you will use an No need to say "completed" because we can assume the evaluation would be completed if you could pay for it. Zone sounds strange here. Zone is usually a builders term when it comes to properly. Someone on the streets would just say "area". "City of Dollars" is this a store? Oils is redundant here, we can assume you are talking about oil for your car since that has been the topic of the journal so far. If you wanted to keep it in you could also say "they sell the w50 oil that is good for" |
So i go and discover that this product is economic to levels no one could believe, and if regular oils have the price of nine dollars this oils is only two dollars so i am surprise and buy a big stock to take to the garage and keep oils there for to use when the car has no more and with that protect the motor. So |
In the start it is good and the motor makes sounds like kitty and all in house are elated for such good investing in the stock, and all feel is enough oils for to save enough cash to take car to mechanic and fix the repairs that needs.
The sound kittens make is "purring" which is also used by car people. They say the ended "purred" to mean it was quiet and working well or that it "roared to life" just saying that it quickly started with no issues. |
This situations evolutions to a hole new system and now I carry a card bored box in the trunks for to carry six or eight bottles of oils special if the travel is large, and we need to feed the motor because it consumptions the oil, and so far so good, no problem in nothing. |
Tough my friends who knows this tells me it is bad idea do this, and i say yes you have a dot, but i know what i do, and continue with plan to extension the life of the motor 'till the moment all money is sufficient for to take to the shop and take the mechanic for a spin so he analyzes the conditions the car has. |
But a little i dident know, and on one day with out nothing to give me warnings, the crackle in bellow the hood begins and i say oh my god what is this, and pull the over to the side of the road, and when i turn the cap clockwise counter it shoots drops of oils into the roof and the hood, and i am not believe this is happen but this is no time for to considerations to call for helps because the night is approaching so i pop the trunks and take one full bottle and three quarts of the second and spill in the inside of the motor, and when starts sounds good again so i drive into the night but keep in mind the feeling this is not the end. |
It is not the end. |
A little days after the crackle begins again under the roof of the hood, but now at the exit of the smoke tube too and it makes sounds like fartings with smoke smelling gasoline and is now bad to levels that we have no preparation, and again one more time we go to the trunks but this time its not only one bottle and three quarts but 3 bottles full and when start the car, the crackle got off the car but in my mind i believe this is not last time i hearing from him and drive into the road again with this emotions in my head. |
Now it is inevitable to think the cars has to go to the mechanic but the money that is put in the bank is not sufficient still and i opt for to talk to him and arrive at a deal, so this is what i say: this and this happen because i find bargain in the city of dollars, and spill the oils into the motor for ten months now and money is almost ready but not complete still, and a little time before the crackle begins and the second times it comes with the comany of smoke that comes out of the smoke tube, and people looks funny to the car when it drives, and specially in traffics with many many cars, and it cant's continue anymore, so please help me arrive to deal and maybe i pay you in payments, so he says to me when i stop: you are good man of good word and i have no problem give you this deal, but let's open the hood and ignite the car, and we do this but oh my god, the smoke fill into the room in less than two seconds and we suffocation to almost losing conscience and the crackle is impossible to support so we walked fast to the outside of the shop, and nothing we can do, we wait for the gasoline in the motor to consume and it finishes and the crackle ends and it is over. |
So i look at the car and he look at the car also and moves his head like he says no in silent with the eyes on the floor, and at the end of many seconds, he blows a little air and says me he need open the motor, and to come back three hours later, so i do this, and the surprise, is oh my god, the motor is open and all shiny parts have a cover of a liquid like honeys, and the mechanic says the oils we use for all this time is cover the motor in the inside and contaminations all the system and he needs to do the overhauls like the show on the TV with CHIP FOOS but the question in my head was this costs very expensive and i have terror for asking the total values of the overhauls whether it is costing one eye of the face and of course, he says yes. So This has a lot of run-on sentences, meaning sentences that go on too long without a period at the end. I decided not to change all of those because that would change too much from the original writing. |
So i now travel to my work and to my home in the transport public to learn it is comfortable with the seats, and people like to talk to you, even in the times that you wish only to rest your eyes, i there i meet interesting peoples for to talk with, and too many travel in this transport all days so its like a community on tires, and after a month and two weeks the mechanic calls me to come and give the car a check and no crakles anymore, and he puts a new tube of smoke in the back in the style of FAST AND FURIOS the first, and likes me very much, and biggest recommendations he makes is to stay away from the oils of two dollars, and he tells me i have no worries again because a car no concumptions the oils if it is normal, only makes black the oils after many many kilometers like ten thousands, and i make a promise to me in my head that i can never fall in the fantasy of cheaps oils again. |
Today i still make payments for the overhauls but the car motor's makes purr like a brand new kittens. Today |
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