May 21, 2023
Please review my Task 2 IELTS essay.
Topic:
Discipline is an ever-increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
My answer:
Maintaining proper behavior and order in educational settings has become increasingly challenging. There are differing views on whether the duty of ensuring children’s adherence to behavioral expectations and rules lies with parents or teachers. From my perspective, it should be a joint effort.
Parents are accountable for fostering good manners and obedience. Babies are not inherently aware of right and wrong. They act solely based on immediate desires and needs and their understanding of the world is shaped primarily by parents. Therefore, parents are expected to raise them to become well-mannered and law-abiding individuals, enabling their integration into society and ensuring the well-being of others. They lay the foundation for those traits from their children’s formative years. This includes teaching basic table etiquette, polite language, and respectful greetings, and addressing misbehavior by removing toys or snacks. They continue to reinforce and nurture such traits as the children enter school by establishing learning times and reprimanding them for incomplete homework or improper behavior at school.
However, teachers also have a role to play. Their main duty is to impart knowledge, so they have to create a structured and orderly classroom conducive to learning. To achieve that, they need to establish classroom rules, such as maintaining silence during lectures and raising hands to speak. They also use rewards and recognition like verbal praises and certificates to reinforce positive behavior while imposing repercussions, including time-outs and reflective writing assignments, to address wrongdoings. Those approaches enable students to understand what is considered acceptable behavior and the consequences of their actions, fostering self-discipline.
In conclusion, parents must nurture their children into civilized citizens to facilitate their integration into society, contributing to a harmonious community, and so have teachers to create a conducive learning environment.
They act solely based on immediate desires and needs, ands such, their understanding of the world is shaped primarily by parents.
Flows better, rather than using 'and' twice in a row
They lay the foundation for thoese traits from their children’'s formative years.
'These' refers more directly to the ideas presented in the last sentence. I think 'child' sounds better in this context than 'children'.
This includes teaching basic table etiquette, polite language, and respectful greetings, andwhile also addressing misbehavior by removing toys or snacks.
Again, avoid using 'and' too many time in a row
They continue to reinforce and nurture such traits, as the children enter school, by establishing learning times and reprimanding them for incomplete homework or improper behavior at... OR As the children enter school, they continue to reinforce and nurture suchool traits by establishing.....
Use a pair of commas in the middle of a sentence to set off clauses, phrases, and words that are not essential to the meaning of the sentence. Use one comma before to indicate the beginning of the pause and one at the end to indicate the end of the pause.
Example: Hilda, a very good cook, went to San Francisco.
To achieve thatis, they need to establish classroom rules, such as maintaining silence during lectures and raising hands to speak.
Similar to before, 'this' is used instead of 'that' when referring to something from the sentence before
They also use rewards and recognition, like verbal praises and certificates to reinforce positive behavior, while imposing repercussions, including time-outs and reflective writing assignments, to address wrongdoings.
Thoese approaches enable students to understand what is considered acceptable behavior and the consequences of their actions, thus fostering self-discipline.
As above. 'Thus' sounds good when describing the ultimate effect.
In conclusion, parents must nurture their children into civilized citizens to facilitate their integration into society, contributing to a harmonious community, and so haveenabling teachers to create a conducive learning environment.
That was incorrect use of that phrase. This is just one alternative.
Feedback
Well done
May 22, 2023
Thank you very much. I sincerely appreciate your time and support.
Maintaining proper behavior and order in educational settings has become increasingly challenging.
There are differing views on whether the duty of ensuring children’s adherence to behavioral expectations and rules lies with parents or teachers.
From my perspective, it should be a joint effort.
Parents are accountable for fostering good manners and obedience in their children.
Babies are not inherently aware of right and wrong.
They act solely based on immediate desires and needs and their understanding of the world is shaped primarily by parents.
Therefore, parents are expected to raise them to become well-mannered and law-abiding individuals, enabling their integration into society and ensuring the well-being of others.
They lay the foundation for those traits from their children’s formative years.
This includes teaching basic table etiquette, polite language, and respectful greetings, and addressing misbehavior by removing toys or snacks.
They continue to reinforce and nurture such traits as the children enter school by establishing learning times and reprimanding them for incomplete homework or improper behavior at school.
However, teachers also have a role to play.
Their main duty is to impart knowledge, so they have to create a structured and orderly classroom conducive to learning.
To achieve that, they need to establish classroom rules, such as maintaining silence during lectures and raising hands to speak.
They also use rewards and recognition like verbal praises and certificates to reinforce positive behavior while imposing repercussions, including time-outs and reflective writing assignments, to address wrongdoings.
Those approaches enable students to understand what is considered acceptable behavior and the consequences of their actions, fostering self-discipline.
In conclusion, parents must nurture their children into civilized citizens to facilitate their integration into society, contributing to a harmonious community, and so have teachers to. Similarly, teachers also have a role in createing a conducive learning environment.
May 22, 2023
Thank you very much. I sincerely appreciate your time and support.
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Please review my Task 2 IELTS essay. |
|
Topic: |
|
Discipline is an ever-increasing problem in modern schools. |
|
Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. |
|
Discuss both views and give your opinion. |
|
My answer: |
|
Maintaining proper behavior and order in educational settings has become increasingly challenging. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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There are differing views on whether the duty of ensuring children’s adherence to behavioral expectations and rules lies with parents or teachers. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
From my perspective, it should be a joint effort. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Parents are accountable for fostering good manners and obedience. Parents are accountable for fostering good manners and obedience in their children. |
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Babies are not inherently aware of right and wrong. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
They act solely based on immediate desires and needs and their understanding of the world is shaped primarily by parents. This sentence has been marked as perfect! They act solely based on immediate desires and needs, a Flows better, rather than using 'and' twice in a row |
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Therefore, parents are expected to raise them to become well-mannered and law-abiding individuals, enabling their integration into society and ensuring the well-being of others. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
They lay the foundation for those traits from their children’s formative years. This sentence has been marked as perfect! They lay the foundation for th 'These' refers more directly to the ideas presented in the last sentence. I think 'child' sounds better in this context than 'children'. |
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This includes teaching basic table etiquette, polite language, and respectful greetings, and addressing misbehavior by removing toys or snacks. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This includes teaching basic table etiquette, polite language, and respectful greetings, Again, avoid using 'and' too many time in a row |
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They continue to reinforce and nurture such traits as the children enter school by establishing learning times and reprimanding them for incomplete homework or improper behavior at school. This sentence has been marked as perfect! They continue to reinforce and nurture such traits, as the children enter school, by establishing Use a pair of commas in the middle of a sentence to set off clauses, phrases, and words that are not essential to the meaning of the sentence. Use one comma before to indicate the beginning of the pause and one at the end to indicate the end of the pause. Example: Hilda, a very good cook, went to San Francisco. |
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However, teachers also have a role to play. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Their main duty is to impart knowledge, so they have to create a structured and orderly classroom conducive to learning. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
To achieve that, they need to establish classroom rules, such as maintaining silence during lectures and raising hands to speak. This sentence has been marked as perfect! To achieve th Similar to before, 'this' is used instead of 'that' when referring to something from the sentence before |
|
They also use rewards and recognition like verbal praises and certificates to reinforce positive behavior while imposing repercussions, including time-outs and reflective writing assignments, to address wrongdoings. This sentence has been marked as perfect! They also use rewards and recognition, like verbal praises and certificates to reinforce positive behavior, while imposing repercussions, including time-outs and reflective writing assignments, to address wrongdoings. |
|
Those approaches enable students to understand what is considered acceptable behavior and the consequences of their actions, fostering self-discipline. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Th As above. 'Thus' sounds good when describing the ultimate effect. |
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In conclusion, parents must nurture their children into civilized citizens to facilitate their integration into society, contributing to a harmonious community, and so have teachers to create a conducive learning environment. In conclusion, parents must nurture their children into civilized citizens to facilitate their integration into society, contributing to a harmonious community In conclusion, parents must nurture their children into civilized citizens to facilitate their integration into society, contributing to a harmonious community, That was incorrect use of that phrase. This is just one alternative. |
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