Aug. 13, 2023
please review my ielts essay part 2.
topic: Getting a promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace.
Why do you think people are so driven to get promotions?
What other factors influence people to work hard?
my essay:
One of the most powerful motivators for individuals to work diligently is the pursuit of promotions. There are several reasons why people are so driven to attain promotions, and other factors also influence their commitment and dedication.
There are two main reasons that lead to the desire for promotions. First, higher positions often come with new and more challenging responsibilities, such as leading teams, working on higher-profile projects, or collaborating with senior management. These opportunities require individuals to refine and broaden their skill sets and knowledge base. They also offer exposure to different aspects of the organization and chances for networking and learning from experienced professionals. These factors can foster personal and professional growth, causing those seeking such development to strive for higher positions. Second, promotions typically mean salary increases, bonuses, and other financial benefits. These rewards can provide employees with a greater sense of financial stability, help them achieve their financial goals, and improve their quality of life. This incentivizes individuals to pursue promotions.
Apart from promotions, several other elements influence individual dedication. When people believe that their work contributes to something more significant, such as aiding others or making a positive societal impact, it can align their inner values and aspirations with their professional actions. They then view their work not just as tasks, but as meaningful contributions towards something they deeply care about. This sense of purpose and intrinsic motivation drives them to put forth their best efforts. An example is the artists of Nhã Nhạc, recognized by UNESCO as a Vietnamese cultural heritage. Despite limited financial gain, they passionately practice as they firmly believe in the significance of their work, which is to preserve and promote the national cultural heritage. Additionally, when managers and colleagues offer assistance and recognize individual contributions, a sense of belonging, trust, and appreciation takes root. This positive environment can fuel employees’ determination to excel, as they want to achieve shared goals and positively contribute to the organization. For example, consider a scenario where a project team collaboratively overcomes challenges, with their efforts acknowledged and celebrated by management. This fosters a spirit of camaraderie, boosts morale, and ignites a collective drive to excel and elevate the organization's success consistently.
In conclusion, the allure of financial gains and the prospects for personal and professional advancement drive individuals to seek higher positions. Beyond promotions, a sense of purpose and a supportive and appreciative work environment can also increase individual diligence and commitment.
my essay: One of the most powerful motivators for individuals to work diligently is the pursuit of promotions.
There are several reasons why people are so driven to attain promotions, and other factors also influence their commitment and dedication.
There are two main reasons that lead to the desire for promotions.
First, higher positions often come with new and more challenging responsibilities, such as leading teams, working on higher-profile projects, or collaborating with senior management.
These opportunities require individuals to refine and broaden their skill sets and knowledge base.
They also offer exposure to different aspects of the organization and increases the chances ofor networking and learning from experienced professionals.
These factors can foster personal and professional growth, causing those seeking such developments to strive for higher positions.
Second, promotions typically mean salary increases, bonuses, and other financial benefits.
These rewards can provide employees with a greater sense of financial stability, help them achieve their financial goals, and improve their quality of life.
This incentivizes individuals to pursue promotions.
Apart from promotions, several other elements influence an individual's dedication.
When people believe that their work contributes to something more significant, such as aiding others or making a positive societal impact, it can align their inner values and aspirations can align with their professional actions.
They then view their work not just as tasks, but as meaningful contributions towards something they deeply care about.
This sense of purpose and intrinsic motivation drives them to put forth their best efforts.
An example is theNhã Nhạc artists / artists ofwho play Nhã Nhạc music, recognized by UNESCO as a Vietnamese cultural heritage.
Your sentence makes it sound like Nhã Nhạc is a group, but I think it's a music style?
Despite limited financial gain, they passionately practice as they firmly believe in the significance of their work, which is to preserve and promote the national cultural heritage.
Additionally, when managers and colleagues offer assistance and recognize individual contributions, a sense of belonging, trust, and appreciation takes root.
This positive environment can fuel employees’ determination to excel, as they want to achieve shared goals and positively contribute to the organization.
For example, consider a scenario where a project team collaboratively overcomes challenges, with their efforts acknowledged and celebrated by management.
This fosters a spirit of camaraderie, boosts morale, and ignites a collective drive to excel and elevate the organization's success consistentlymore often.
In conclusion, the allure of financial gains and the prospects for personal and professional advancement drive individuals to seek higher positions.
Beyond promotions, a sense of purpose and a supportive and appreciative work environment can also increase an individual's diligence and commitment.
Feedback
Great work!
Aug. 14, 2023
Thank you very much for your detailed review. It is very helpful.
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please review my ielts essay part 2. |
|
topic: Getting a promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. |
|
Why do you think people are so driven to get promotions? |
|
What other factors influence people to work hard? |
|
my essay: One of the most powerful motivators for individuals to work diligently is the pursuit of promotions. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
There are several reasons why people are so driven to attain promotions, and other factors also influence their commitment and dedication. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
There are two main reasons that lead to the desire for promotions. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
First, higher positions often come with new and more challenging responsibilities, such as leading teams, working on higher-profile projects, or collaborating with senior management. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
These opportunities require individuals to refine and broaden their skill sets and knowledge base. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
They also offer exposure to different aspects of the organization and chances for networking and learning from experienced professionals. They also offer exposure to different aspects of the organization and increases the chances of |
|
These factors can foster personal and professional growth, causing those seeking such development to strive for higher positions. These factors can foster personal and professional growth, causing those seeking such developments to strive for higher positions. |
|
Second, promotions typically mean salary increases, bonuses, and other financial benefits. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
These rewards can provide employees with a greater sense of financial stability, help them achieve their financial goals, and improve their quality of life. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
This incentivizes individuals to pursue promotions. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Apart from promotions, several other elements influence individual dedication. Apart from promotions, several other elements influence an individual's dedication. |
|
When people believe that their work contributes to something more significant, such as aiding others or making a positive societal impact, it can align their inner values and aspirations with their professional actions. When people believe that their work contributes to something more significant, such as aiding others or making a positive societal impact, |
|
They then view their work not just as tasks, but as meaningful contributions towards something they deeply care about. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
This sense of purpose and intrinsic motivation drives them to put forth their best efforts. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
An example is the artists of Nhã Nhạc, recognized by UNESCO as a Vietnamese cultural heritage. An example is Your sentence makes it sound like Nhã Nhạc is a group, but I think it's a music style? |
|
Despite limited financial gain, they passionately practice as they firmly believe in the significance of their work, which is to preserve and promote the national cultural heritage. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Additionally, when managers and colleagues offer assistance and recognize individual contributions, a sense of belonging, trust, and appreciation takes root. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
This positive environment can fuel employees’ determination to excel, as they want to achieve shared goals and positively contribute to the organization. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
For example, consider a scenario where a project team collaboratively overcomes challenges, with their efforts acknowledged and celebrated by management. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
This fosters a spirit of camaraderie, boosts morale, and ignites a collective drive to excel and elevate the organization's success consistently. This fosters a spirit of camaraderie, boosts morale, and ignites a collective drive to excel and elevate the organization's success |
|
In conclusion, the allure of financial gains and the prospects for personal and professional advancement drive individuals to seek higher positions. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Beyond promotions, a sense of purpose and a supportive and appreciative work environment can also increase individual diligence and commitment. Beyond promotions, a sense of purpose and a supportive and appreciative work environment can also increase an individual's diligence and commitment. |
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