Oct. 13, 2022
Please review my essay
IELTS Speaking part 2:
topic:
Describe a time when you visited a friend or family member at their workplace.
My younger sister is the only one I have ever visited in their workplace. She used to work in a juice shop about two streets away from our house, and my parents usually made lunch and took it to her workplace. However, when I was in university, I was in charge of bringing those lunches if I was in town on holiday. Most of the time there were no customers as it was lunchtime, and my sister could take a break of 15 minutes. Sometimes I just took her lunch there and went home right after, other times she made me a drink and we chatted. There was another staff, but I did not talk to her at all because she was not close to my sister.
In terms of the shop, it is called "Pumpkin shop", has two floors and is owned by my uncle. The menu includes coffee, fruit and vegetable juices, and various types of bubble tea, a tea-based drink with milk that originated in Taiwan. Young people nowadays like to take photos of everything all the time, so they tend to choose to hang out in places that are photogenic. Therefore, the shop’s decoration is quite unique in order to attract customers. In particular, it has some ornaments and embellishments related to the culture of Tay Nguyen, my hometown city, including certain instruments such as Gong and Chieng, which are used in festivals of an ethnic group living in our city.
Because I went to the shop in holidays, its decoration was quite different according to what the holiday was. As for Christmas, of course, there would be a Christmas tree with a star tree-topper and many glittering baubles. I remember there were also some Santa hats hanging on the walls. Since I have zero tolerance to cold temperatures, I do not go outside enjoying Christmas like everyone else. So when I went to the shop and listened to typical Christmas songs with that jingling sound of jingle bells, I did have that sense of jolly and nostalgia I felt whenever I went to the city's central square with my family to enjoy the holiday.
My younger sister is the only one I have ever visited in their workplace.
She used to work in a juice shop about two streets away from our house, and my parents usually made lunch and took it to her workplace.
However, when I was in university, I was in charge of bringing those lunches if I was in town on holiday.
Most of the time there were no customers as it was lunchtime, and my sister could take a break of 15 minutes.
Sometimes I just took her lunch there and went home right after, other times she made me a drink and we chatted.
There was another staff, but I did not talk to her at all because she was not close to my sister.
Staff is plural (more than one person). "Staff member" is used to when talking about a single person who is a member of staff.
In terms of tThe shop, it is called "Pumpkin shop", has two floors, and is owned by my uncle.
The menu includes coffee, fruit and vegetable juices, and various types of bubble tea, a tea-based drink with milk that originated in Taiwan.
Young people nowadays like to take photos of everything all the time, so they tend to choose to hang out in places that are photogenic.
Therefore, the shop’s decoration is quite unique in order to attract customers.
In particular, it has some ornaments and embellishments related to the culture of Tay Nguyen, my hometown city, including certain instruments such as Gthe gong and Cchieng, which are used in festivals of an ethnic group living in our city.
sometimes musical instruments use "the" even when a specific instrument is not being spoken about. For example, "She is learning to play the piano" does not mean a specific piano, but rather all pianos. Yes, it does not make sense, it is idiomatic.
BecauseWhen I went to the shop induring a holidays, its decoration was quite different according to what the holiday was.
Using "because" implies that you going to the shop affects the decorations, but what you want to say is that because it was during holidays that you went, the shop's decorations were quite different.
Other phrasings:
"The shop's decorations were quite different when I went during holidays because it is decorated according to which holiday it is."
As for Christmas, of course, there would be a Christmas tree with a star tree-topper and many glittering baubles.
I remember there were also some Santa hats hanging on the walls.
Since I have zero tolerance to cold temperatures, I do not go outside enjoying Christmas like everyone else.
So when I went to the shop and listened to typical Christmas songs with that jingling sound of jingle bells, I did have that sense of jolly and nostalgia I felt whenever I went to the city's central square with my family to enjoy the holiday.
Feedback
I enjoyed reading this. The words you used provoked a sense of imagery and I could feel like I was there. I especially liked how you used 'baubles'. It is an uncommon word where I am from, but it is easy to understand what it means. It gives the entry a sense of personality and charm that is genuine and authentic.
Oct. 14, 2022
It is really flattering. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Please review my essay
IELTS Speaking part 2:
Describe a time when you visited a friend or family member at their workplace.
My younger sister is the only one I have ever visited in their workplace.
She used to work in a juice shop about two streets away from our house, and my parents usually made lunch and took it to her workplace.
"two blocks away" sounds more natural
However, when I was in university, I was in charge of bringing those lunches if I was in town on holiday.
Most of the time, there were no customers as it was lunchtime, and my sister could take a break of 15 minutes.
You could also say: a 15-minute break
Sometimes I just took her lunch there and went home right after, o. Other times she made me a drink and we chatted.
There was another staff, but I did not talk to her at all because she was not close to my sister.
In terms of the shop, it is called "Pumpkin sShop"," has two floors, and is owned by my uncle.
The menu includes coffee, fruit and vegetable juices, and various types of bubble tea, a tea-based drink with milk that originated in Taiwan.
Young people nowadays like to take photos of everything all the time, so they tend to choose to hang out in places that are photogenic.
Therefore, the shop’s decoration is quite unique in order to attract customers.
In particular, it has some ornaments and embellishments related to the culture of Tay Nguyen, my hometown city, including certain instruments such as Gong and Chieng, which are used in festivals of an ethnic group living in our city.
I would devide this sentence in two if it was an IELTS essay.
Because I went to the shop ion holidays, its decorations wasere quite different according to what the holiday was.
As for Christmas, of course, there would be a Christmas tree with a star tree-topper and many glittering baubles.
I remember there were also some Santa hats hanging on the walls.
Since I have zero tolerance tofor cold temperatures, I do not go outside to enjoying Christmas like everyone else.
So when I went to the shop and listened to typical Christmas songs with that jingling sound of jingle bells, I did have that sense of jolly and nostalgia I felt whenever I went to the city's central square with my family to enjoy the holiday.
Feedback
I really enjoyed your answer. Some bubble tea would be nice :)
Oct. 14, 2022
It is really flattering. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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Please review my essay This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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IELTS Speaking part 2: This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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topic: |
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Describe a time when you visited a friend or family member at their workplace. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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My younger sister is the only one I have ever visited in their workplace. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She used to work in a juice shop about two streets away from our house, and my parents usually made lunch and took it to her workplace. She used to work in a juice shop about two streets away from our house, and my parents usually made lunch and took it to her workplace. "two blocks away" sounds more natural This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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However, when I was in university, I was in charge of bringing those lunches if I was in town on holiday. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Most of the time there were no customers as it was lunchtime, and my sister could take a break of 15 minutes. Most of the time, there were no customers as it was lunchtime, and my sister could take a break of 15 minutes. You could also say: a 15-minute break This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Sometimes I just took her lunch there and went home right after, other times she made me a drink and we chatted. Sometimes I just took her lunch there and went home right after This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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There was another staff, but I did not talk to her at all because she was not close to my sister. This sentence has been marked as perfect! There was another staff, but I did not talk to her at all because she was not close to my sister. Staff is plural (more than one person). "Staff member" is used to when talking about a single person who is a member of staff. |
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In terms of the shop, it is called "Pumpkin shop", has two floors and is owned by my uncle. In terms of the shop, it is called "Pumpkin
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The menu includes coffee, fruit and vegetable juices, and various types of bubble tea, a tea-based drink with milk that originated in Taiwan. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Young people nowadays like to take photos of everything all the time, so they tend to choose to hang out in places that are photogenic. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Therefore, the shop’s decoration is quite unique in order to attract customers. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In particular, it has some ornaments and embellishments related to the culture of Tay Nguyen, my hometown city, including certain instruments such as Gong and Chieng, which are used in festivals of an ethnic group living in our city. In particular, it has some ornaments and embellishments related to the culture of Tay Nguyen, my hometown city, including certain instruments such as Gong and Chieng, which are used in festivals of an ethnic group living in our city. I would devide this sentence in two if it was an IELTS essay. In particular, it has some ornaments and embellishments related to the culture of Tay Nguyen, my hometown city, including certain instruments such as sometimes musical instruments use "the" even when a specific instrument is not being spoken about. For example, "She is learning to play the piano" does not mean a specific piano, but rather all pianos. Yes, it does not make sense, it is idiomatic. |
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Because I went to the shop in holidays, its decoration was quite different according to what the holiday was. Because I went to the shop
Using "because" implies that you going to the shop affects the decorations, but what you want to say is that because it was during holidays that you went, the shop's decorations were quite different. Other phrasings: "The shop's decorations were quite different when I went during holidays because it is decorated according to which holiday it is." |
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As for Christmas, of course, there would be a Christmas tree with a star tree-topper and many glittering baubles. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I remember there were also some Santa hats hanging on the walls. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Since I have zero tolerance to cold temperatures, I do not go outside enjoying Christmas like everyone else. Since I have zero tolerance This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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So when I went to the shop and listened to typical Christmas songs with that jingling sound of jingle bells, I did have that sense of jolly and nostalgia I felt whenever I went to the city's central square with my family to enjoy the holiday. So when I went to the shop and listened to typical Christmas songs with that jingling sound of jingle bells, I did have that sense of jo This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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