Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language atin primary school, while others think children should begin in secondary school.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have differing views about whether children’s acquisition ofteaching children a foreign language should start in primary or secondary level.

The reason is because, at this point, these children’ cognitive capacity of children have developed to a certain extent that can facilitate efficient second language acquisition, and they have also established several strategies, skills and qualities that are necessary or beneficial for such acquisition, such as note-taking, critical thinking and self-discipline.

Hence, foreign languages should be taught at secondary school as students have already gottenreceived a solid foundation in their mother tongue.

However, I agree with the belief, however, that second language acquisition should begin at primary level.

oOne’s mother tongue usually contains certain grammar and pronunciation rules that are diametrically different tofrom those of the language they want to learn, f. For example, the order of objects and verbs in a sentence betweein Korean and English, and the ways to pronounce the final consonant sounds in English versus Vietnamese.

This makes it hard for teenagers and adults, who are so used to the structures of their first language, to become fluencyt in the second one.

or

This makes it hard for teenagers and adults, who are so used to the structures of their first language, to achieve fluency in the second one.

To minimize this problem, foreign language learning should be taught at the elementary level when children are still in the early stage of language development.

This also gives children several more years to gradually accumulate and assimilate new words, grammar and pronunciation rules, and sometimes a different writing system.

In conclusion, the possibility of language delays related to early dual language learning and the advantage of well-developed cognitive capacity and learning strategies, skills and qualities in secondary students cause some people to support second language introduction at a post-primary level.

However, tThe low probability of such delays, however, as the exposure to a second language in school is rather limited, andwith the benefits of less interference from the mother tongue and several more years for gradual learning make dual language acquisition at an early age more attractive.

Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language atin primary school, while others think children should begin in secondary school.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's interconnected and interdependent world, the benefits of being bilingual are enormous.

because you would like to shorten the essay, you can choose either "interconnected" or "interdependent" - both have similar meanings

The reason is because at this point, these children’s cognitive capacityies have already developed to a certain extent thatin which they can facilitate efficient second language acquisition, and they have also. They also have established several strategies, skills and qualities that are necessary or beneficial for such acquisition, such as note-taking, critical thinking and self-discipline.

Second, it is argued that dual language learning at a young age can cause children to mix up the uses of the two languages as they are still in the early stage of establishing their first language.

Hence, foreign languages should be taught atin secondary school as students have already gottenhave a solid foundation in their mother tongue.

However, I agree with the belief that second language acquisition should begin atin primary leveschool.

If elementary schools add a foreign language as one of their compulsory subjects, their students will spend less than 2 hours per week in such a classes.

foreign language - one subject

oOne’s mother tongue usually contains certain grammar and pronunciation rules that are diametrically different to those of the language they want to learn, f. For example, the order of objects and verbs in a sentence between Korean and English, and is different, likewise with the ways to pronounce the final consonant sounds in English versus Vietnamese.

This makes it harddifficult for teenagers and adults who are so used to the structures of their first language to become fluencyt in their second one.

"difficult" - better word for an essay

To minimize this problem, foreign language learning should be taught at elementary levelschools when children are still in the early stage of language development.

"primary level" was used earlier in the essay (and I can see why you may have used it as a synonym, along with "elementary level"), but both convey a slightly different and vague meaning, at least to me - usually all foreign languages are taught at primary/elementary level in the beginning, regardless of when one first starts to learn in elementary vs secondary school. Hope that makes sense.

This also gives children several more years to gradually accumulate and assimilate new words, grammar and pronunciation rules, and sometimes a different writing system.

it is kind of assumed that once one accumulates a word, one should assimilate it, so you may choose to delete assimilate to cut down on words

In conclusion, the possibility of language delays related to early dual language learning and the advantage of well-developed cognitive capacity and learning strategies, skills and qualities in secondary students cause some people to support second language introduction at the post-primary level.

learning strategies, skills and qualities - all part of cognitive capacity, "post-primary level" was defined by the use of "secondary students", so it was kept in the sentence

However, the low probability of such delays, as the exposure to a second language in school is rather limited, and the benefits of less interference fromon the development of the mother tongue and several more years for gradual learning make dual language acquisition at an early age more attractive.

Are you saying the development of the mother tongue will have less interference because the introduction of the second language is limited? if so, see correction above.

Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language atin primary school, while others think children should begin in secondary school.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have differing views about whether children’s [acquisition of] / [learning of] a foreign language should start in primary or in secondary level.

As you're talking about children 'acquisition of' sounds a little unnatural, though it isn't wrong, just a bit formal!

TheOn reason is because at this point, theseching puberty, a children’'s cognitive capacity will have developed to a certain extent that can facilitgreater efficient second language acquisitionxtent, and they havewill also have established several strategies, skills and qualities that are necessary or beneficial for suchlanguage acquisition, such as note-taking, critical thinking and self-discipline.

This is a great sentence! Your vocabulary usage is great, but as the sentence is a little wordy, so I've suggested some ways to shorten it.

Second, it is argued that dual language learning at a young age can cause children to mix up the uses of the two languages as they are still in the early stages of establishing their first language.

oOne’s mother tongue usually contains certain grammar and pronunciation rules that are diametrically differentopposed to those of the language they want to learn, f. For example, the order of objects and verbs in a sentence between Korean and English, and the ways to pronounce the final consonant sounds in English versus Vietnamese.

This makes it hard for teenagers and adults who are so used tofamiliar with the structures of their first language to become fluencyt in the second one.

To minimize this problem, foreign language learning should be taught at elementary level when children are still in the early stages of language development.

This also gives children several more years to gradually accumulate and assimilate new words, grammar and pronunciation rules, and sometimes a different writing system.

Hence, the earlier children are exposed to a second language, the higher the chance of reaching proficiency in that language.

In conclusion, the possibility of language delays related to early dual language learning and the advantage of well-developed cognitive capacity and learning strategies, skills and qualities in secondary students cause some people to support second language introduction at post-primary level.while some people believe that students should begin learning a second language at post-primary level, the arguments in support of this conclusion are not well-founded.

To avoid repeating a lot of the above, I've suggested another way you can reframe this conclusion.

However, the low probability of such delaysIt is unlikely that learning a second language at secondary school will interfere with students' ability to learn their mother tongue, as the exposure to a second language in school is rather limited, and. Overall, the benefits of less interference from mother tongue andhaving several more years for gradual learning make dual language acquisition at an early age more attractive.

Would you mind showing me how to shorten this essay to only 270 words?

Sorry I read this after I did my corrections - hopefully some of the words I've cut out helps!

Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language atin primary school, while others think childrenthey should begin in secondary school.

No need to repeat "children" here.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have differing views about whether children’s acquisition of a foreign language should start inat the primary or secondary level.

The reason is because at this point, these children’s cognitive capacity haves developed to a certain extent that can facilitate efficient second language acquisition,; and they have also established several strategies, skills and qualities that are necessary or beneficial for such acquisition, such as note-taking, critical thinking and self-discipline.

Second, it is argued that dual language learning at a young age can cause children to mix up the usages of the two, as they are still in the early stages of establishing their first language.

Hence, some argue that foreign languages should be taught at secondary school, asfter students have already gotten a solid foundation in their mother tongue.

However, I agree with the belief that second language acquisition should begin at the primary level.

oOne’s mother tongue usually contains certain grammar and pronunciation rules that are diametrically different to those of the language they want to learn, f. For example, the order of objects and verbs in a sentence between Korean and English, and the wayKorean and English sentences is different, as is tohe pronounce theiation of final consonant sounds in English versusand Vietnamese.

This makes it hard for teenagers and adults who are so used to the structures of their first language to become fluencyt in the second one.

To minimize this problem, foreign language learning should be taught at the elementary level when children are still in the early stages of language development.

This also gives children several more years to gradually accumulate and assimilate new words, grammar and pronunciation rules, and sometimes a different writing system.

In conclusion, the possibility of language delays related to early dual language learning and the advantage of well-developed cognitive capacity and learning strategies, skills and qualities in secondary students cause some people to support second language introduction at post-primary levels.

However,; the low probability of such delays, as the from limited exposure to a second language inat school is rather limited, and the benefits of less interference from the mother tongue andlong with several more years for gradual learning make dual language acquisition at an early age more attractive.