maymaymay_'s avatar
maymaymay_

Nov. 17, 2022

0
Please review my essay.

1. Describe a time you were very busy
You should say:
When It happened
Where you were
What you did
And explain why you were busy


I would like to talk about a time when I was working in a juice shop during the summer break of my third year of university. It was only a small takeaway store that serves a variety of sugar cane drinks, so working there was rather physically undemanding.

After the first two months, the owner transferred his business premises, but the new one was quite stingy about money. He fired the other staff member and said that he would take the place instead. However, he kind of neglected his duty as he would not go to work from time to time. I couldn’t say anything because he was the owner. What’s worse, he added many more drinks to the menu, so I ended up with more tasks.

I still remember once or twice a week, I had to shoulder all the tasks in the shop. At 5 in the morning, I went to a nearby open market to stock up for the day. I had to walk through the whole market to buy all the necessary ingredients, which weighed around 10 kilograms. This took me around half an hour to complete.

When I arrived at work at 8 am, I swept and mobbed the floor, cleaned the whole shop, and washed all the equipment. Next, I prepared all the ingredients. This took me the whole morning, and the most time-consuming task is to prepare the ingredients for the pennywort drink as I had to spend about 90 minutes blending around three kilograms of pennywort, and another 30 minutes cooking mung bean paste. However, I had to make drinks and served the customers at the same time. So it was quite chaotic, and you can say that I was so busy that my feet didn’t touch the ground.

Yet, it remained hectic after that. In Vietnam, people tend to have meals with a drink. So in the afternoon, orders poured in, with some for over 20 drinks. As a result, I was hardly ever able to finish my lunch in one go. Sometimes, the meal was already cold when I finally had free time.

Nevertheless, it was not better in the evening. Although orders did not flood in with such a large amount in a short time like during lunchtime, there was a constant and steady line of customers. So I had little time to rest. Finally, at around 8 and a half, I had to clean up the whole shop, calculated and noted down the shop's revenue and profit.

Although I felt utterly exhausted after such hectic days, I just couldn’t bring myself to quit. This is because the owner was quite old and very kind to me as he would cook for me sometimes. I couldn’t leave him alone with such heavy loads of work. So I just gritted my teeth and put myself through the whole summer.

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mari's avatar
2

Please review my essay.

1. Describe a time when you were very busy

You should sayinclude the following:

When It happened

Where you were

What you did

And explain why you were busy

I would like to talk about athe time when I was working in a juice shopbar during the summer break of my third year of university.

"Juice bar" is often used in the US.

It was only a small takeaway store that serves a variety of sugar cane drinks, so working there was rather physically undemanding.

After the first two months, the owner transferred his business premises, butownership to another person and the new owner was quite stingy about money.

He fired the other staff member and said that he would take their place instead.

However, he kind of neglected his duty, however, as he would not go to work from time to time.

I couldn’t say anything because he was the owner.

What’s worse, is that he added many more drinks to the menu, so I ended up with more tasks.

I still remember, once or twice a week, I had to shoulder all the tasks in the shop.

At 5 in the morning, I went to a nearby open market to stock up for the day.

I had to walk through the whole market to buy all the necessary ingredients, which weighed around 10 kilograms.

This took me around half an hour to complete.

When I arrived at work at 8 am, I swept and mobbpped the floor, cleaned the whole shop, and washed all the equipment.

wow! That's a lot of work!

Next, I prepared all the ingredients.

This took me the whole morning, and the most time-consuming task iwas to prepare the ingredients for the pennywort drink as I had to spend about 90 minutes blending around three kilograms of pennywort, and another 30 minutes cooking mung bean paste.

However, I had to make drinks and served the customers at the same time.

"Had" already takes care of past tense.

So it was quite chaotic, and you can say that I was so busy that my feet didn’t touch the ground.

Yet, it remained hectic after that.

In Vietnam, people tend to have meals with a drink.

So in the afternoon, orders poured in, with some for over 20 drinks.

As a result, I was hardly ever able to finish my lunch in one go.

Sometimes, the meal was already cold when I finally had free time.

NeverthelessUnfortunately, it was not better in the evening.

Although orders did not flood in within such a large amounts, in a short timeperiod, like during lunchtime, there was a constant and steady line of customers.

So I had little time to rest.

Finally, at around 8 and a half:30pm, I had to clean up the whole shop, and calculated and noted down the shop's revenue and profits.

Although I felt utterly exhausted after such hectic days, I just couldn’t bring myself to quit.

This is because the owner was quite old and very kind to me as he would cook for me sometimes.

I couldn’t leave him alone with such a heavy loads of work.

So I just gritted my teeth and putshed myself through the whole summer.

Feedback

Nice work!

maymaymay_'s avatar
maymaymay_

Nov. 18, 2022

0

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I greatly appreciate your help.

killergerbah's avatar
0

I would like to talk about a time when I was working inat a juice shop during the summer break of my third year of university.

'In' might be correct but 'at' sounds more natural.

It was only a small takeaway store that serves a variety of sugar cane drinks, so working there was rather physically undemanding.

After the first two months, the owner transferred his business premises, but the new one was quite stingy about money.

He fired the other staff member and said that he would take their place instead.

However, he kind of neglected his duty as he would not go to work from time to time.

I couldn’t say anything because he was the owner.

What’s worse, he added many more drinks to the menu, so I ended up with more tasks.

I still remember once or twice a week, I had to shoulder all the tasks in the shop.

At 5 in the morning, I went to a nearby open market to stock up for the day.

I had to walk through the whole market to buy all the necessary ingredients, which weighed around 10 kilograms.

This took me around half an hour to complete.

When I arrived at work at 8 am, I swept and mobbpped the floor, cleaned the whole shop, and washed all the equipment.

This took me the whole morning, and the most time-consuming task is to prepare the ingredients for the pennywort drink as I had to spend about 90 minutes blending around three kilograms of pennywort, and another 30 minutes cooking mung bean paste.

However, I had to make drinks and served the customers at the same time.

I think the original sentence was grammatically correct but I think it's more natural to read "make drinks and serve," rather than "had to make drinks" and "and served" as two separate things.

So it was quite chaotic, and you can say that I was so busy that my feet didn’t touch the ground.

Yet, it remained hectic after that.

In Vietnam, people tend to have meals with a drink.

So in the afternoon, orders poured in, with some for over 20 drinks.

As a result, I was hardly ever able to finish my lunch in one go.

Sometimes, the meal wasould be already cold when I finally had free time.

NeverthelessFurthermore, it was not better in the evening.

'Nevertheless' is usually used preceding a statement that is opposing to the previous sentence.
I think in this case, you're describing a continuing situation, so I suggested 'furthermore' as an alternative.

Although orders did not flood in with such a large amount in a short time like during lunchtime, there was a constant and steady line of customers.

So I had little time to rest.

Finally, at around 8 and a half, I had to clean up the whole shop, and to calculated and noted down the shop's revenue and profit.

Although I always felt utterly exhausted after such hectic days, I just couldn’t bring myself to quit.

I added 'always' to make it more clear that you were feeling exhausted every day, and not once after a long period of hectic days.

This is because the owner was quite old and very kind to me as he would cook for me sometimes.

I couldn’t leave him alone with such a heavy loads of workload.

So I just gritted my teeth and put myselfersevered through the whole summer.

Feedback

Your English is great. Most of my comments were to make some sentences just a bit more natural-sounding.

maymaymay_'s avatar
maymaymay_

Nov. 18, 2022

0

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate your detailed and kind review.

What you did

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

You should say:

You should sayinclude the following:

When It happened

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Where you were

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Please review my essay.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

1. Describe a time you were very busy

1. Describe a time when you were very busy

And explain why you were busy

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I would like to talk about a time when I was working in a juice shop during the summer break of my third year of university.

I would like to talk about a time when I was working inat a juice shop during the summer break of my third year of university.

'In' might be correct but 'at' sounds more natural.

I would like to talk about athe time when I was working in a juice shopbar during the summer break of my third year of university.

"Juice bar" is often used in the US.

It was only a small takeaway store that serves a variety of sugar cane drinks, so working there was rather physically undemanding.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

After the first two months, the owner transferred his business premises, but the new one was quite stingy about money.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

After the first two months, the owner transferred his business premises, butownership to another person and the new owner was quite stingy about money.

He fired the other staff member and said that he would take the place instead.

He fired the other staff member and said that he would take their place instead.

He fired the other staff member and said that he would take their place instead.

However, he kind of neglected his duty as he would not go to work from time to time.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

However, he kind of neglected his duty, however, as he would not go to work from time to time.

I couldn’t say anything because he was the owner.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

What’s worse, he added many more drinks to the menu, so I ended up with more tasks.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

What’s worse, is that he added many more drinks to the menu, so I ended up with more tasks.

I still remember once or twice a week, I had to shoulder all the tasks in the shop.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I still remember, once or twice a week, I had to shoulder all the tasks in the shop.

At 5 in the morning, I went to a nearby open market to stock up for the day.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I had to walk through the whole market to buy all the necessary ingredients, which weighed around 10 kilograms.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This took me around half an hour to complete.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

When I arrived at work at 8 am, I swept and mobbed the floor, cleaned the whole shop, and washed all the equipment.

When I arrived at work at 8 am, I swept and mobbpped the floor, cleaned the whole shop, and washed all the equipment.

When I arrived at work at 8 am, I swept and mobbpped the floor, cleaned the whole shop, and washed all the equipment.

wow! That's a lot of work!

Next, I prepared all the ingredients.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This took me the whole morning, and the most time-consuming task is to prepare the ingredients for the pennywort drink as I had to spend about 90 minutes blending around three kilograms of pennywort, and another 30 minutes cooking mung bean paste.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This took me the whole morning, and the most time-consuming task iwas to prepare the ingredients for the pennywort drink as I had to spend about 90 minutes blending around three kilograms of pennywort, and another 30 minutes cooking mung bean paste.

However, I had to make drinks and served the customers at the same time.

However, I had to make drinks and served the customers at the same time.

I think the original sentence was grammatically correct but I think it's more natural to read "make drinks and serve," rather than "had to make drinks" and "and served" as two separate things.

However, I had to make drinks and served the customers at the same time.

"Had" already takes care of past tense.

So it was quite chaotic, and you can say that I was so busy that my feet didn’t touch the ground.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Yet, it remained hectic after that.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In Vietnam, people tend to have meals with a drink.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

So in the afternoon, orders poured in, with some for over 20 drinks.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

As a result, I was hardly ever able to finish my lunch in one go.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Sometimes, the meal was already cold when I finally had free time.

Sometimes, the meal wasould be already cold when I finally had free time.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Nevertheless, it was not better in the evening.

NeverthelessFurthermore, it was not better in the evening.

'Nevertheless' is usually used preceding a statement that is opposing to the previous sentence. I think in this case, you're describing a continuing situation, so I suggested 'furthermore' as an alternative.

NeverthelessUnfortunately, it was not better in the evening.

Although orders did not flood in with such a large amount in a short time like during lunchtime, there was a constant and steady line of customers.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Although orders did not flood in within such a large amounts, in a short timeperiod, like during lunchtime, there was a constant and steady line of customers.

So I had little time to rest.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Finally, at around 8 and a half, I had to clean up the whole shop, calculated and noted down the shop's revenue and profit.

Finally, at around 8 and a half, I had to clean up the whole shop, and to calculated and noted down the shop's revenue and profit.

Finally, at around 8 and a half:30pm, I had to clean up the whole shop, and calculated and noted down the shop's revenue and profits.

Although I felt utterly exhausted after such hectic days, I just couldn’t bring myself to quit.

Although I always felt utterly exhausted after such hectic days, I just couldn’t bring myself to quit.

I added 'always' to make it more clear that you were feeling exhausted every day, and not once after a long period of hectic days.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This is because the owner was quite old and very kind to me as he would cook for me sometimes.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I couldn’t leave him alone with such heavy loads of work.

I couldn’t leave him alone with such a heavy loads of workload.

I couldn’t leave him alone with such a heavy loads of work.

So I just gritted my teeth and put myself through the whole summer.

So I just gritted my teeth and put myselfersevered through the whole summer.

So I just gritted my teeth and putshed myself through the whole summer.

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