Oct. 4, 2022
Please review my essay
Topic:
Topic:
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe the school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
My essay:
Children are undeniably the future of the nation, so their education and development have always been the main concern of society. Some people assert that parents should be responsible for educating their children to become good citizens, while others argue it is the role of schools. In my opinion, it is a collective responsibility.
On the one hand, parents have a profound influence on their children. First, they lay the foundations for their child’s behavior by teaching the differences between right and wrong and guiding the child to behave accordingly. For example, kids are taught to learn proper table manners and be polite to their grandparents. Second, young individuals by nature mimic people around them, and they typically spend most of their time with their mothers and fathers. So parents can deliberately behave in a certain way that embodies good character traits, and their kids are likely to learn from it.
On the other hand, schools also play a key role in youth development. To facilitate a learning environment, schools have to establish a set of rules, and students are taught to strictly adhere to these rules. This promotes necessary characteristics of good citizenship such as self-discipline and obedience. Furthermore, the school is a miniature society with people from various backgrounds. Through interacting with their peers and participating in teamwork activities, students can build up interpersonal skills that are vital for their future careers and generally in life.
In conclusion, while parents can instill in children the basics of good behavior and become good role models, the school can teach them to obey the rules and develop collaborative social skills. Therefore, teaching children good citizenship should be a joint effort between them.
Others, however, believe theat school is the place to learn this.
"the" is for a specific school you are referring to. If you are referring to schools in general, don't use "the".
On the one hand, parents have a profound influence on their children.
For example, kids are taught to learn proper table manners and to be polite to their grandparents.
Secondly, young individuals by nature mimic people around them, and they typically spend most of their time with their mothers and fathers.
So, parents can deliberately behave in a certain way that embodies good character traits, and their kids are likely to learn from it.
Furthermore, the school is like a miniature society with people from various backgrounds.
School isn't *by definition* a miniature society. Instead, you are just trying to analogize school with society. Therefore, you should use "like". In English, we call this a simile. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simile
One downside of using "like" is that it is a bit informal. So, you could rephrase this sentence to use "as" instead.
Through interacting with their peers and participating in teamwork activities, students can build up interpersonal skills that are vital for their future careers and generally in lifetheir life in general.
In conclusion, while parents can instill in children the basics of good behavior and become good role models, the for children, school can teach them to obey the rules and develop collaborative social skills.
Therefore, teaching children good citizenship should be a joint effort between themboth parents and schools.
Children are undeniably the future of the nation, so their education and development have always been the main concern of society.
Some people assert that parents should be responsible for educating their children to become good citizens, while others argue it is the roleesponsibility of schools.
The usage of "role" is correct, but because you used "responsible" when referring to the parents, it would be good to also use that word when referring to schools.
In my opinion, it is a collective responsibility.
On the one hand, parents have a profound influence on their children.
First, they lay the foundations for their child’s behavior by teaching the differences between right and wrong and guiding the child to behave accordingly.
For example, kids are taught to learn proper table manners and be polite to their grandparents.
Second, young individuals by nature mimic people around them, and they typically spend most of their time with their mothers and fathers.
So parents can deliberately behave in a certain way that embodies good character traits, and their kids are likely to learn from it.
On the other hand, schools also play a key role in youth development.
To facilitate a learning environment, schools have to establish a set of rules, and students are taught to strictly adhere to these rules.
This promotes necessary characteristics of good citizenship such as self-discipline and obedience.
Furthermore, the school is a miniature society with people from various backgrounds.
"Miniature" doesn't fit in this sentence, since it usually refers to tiny objects.
Through interacting with their peers and participating in teamwork activities, students can build up interpersonal skills that are vital for their future careers and generally in lifelife in general.
"Generally" sounds too conversational.
In conclusion, while parents can instill in children the basics of good behavior and become good role models, the school can teach them to obey the rules and develop collaborative social skills.
Therefore, teaching children good citizenship should be a joint effort between them.
Feedback
Great essay, keep it up! The few errors you had were just small corrections.
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Please review my essay |
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Topic: |
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Topic: |
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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. |
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Others, however, believe the school is the place to learn this. Others, however, believe th "the" is for a specific school you are referring to. If you are referring to schools in general, don't use "the". |
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Discuss both views and give your opinion. |
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My essay: |
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Children are undeniably the future of the nation, so their education and development have always been the main concern of society. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Some people assert that parents should be responsible for educating their children to become good citizens, while others argue it is the role of schools. Some people assert that parents should be responsible for educating their children to become good citizens, while others argue it is the r The usage of "role" is correct, but because you used "responsible" when referring to the parents, it would be good to also use that word when referring to schools. |
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In my opinion, it is a collective responsibility. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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On the one hand, parents have a profound influence on their children. On On |
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First, they lay the foundations for their child’s behavior by teaching the differences between right and wrong and guiding the child to behave accordingly. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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For example, kids are taught to learn proper table manners and be polite to their grandparents. This sentence has been marked as perfect! For example, kids are taught to learn proper table manners and to be polite to their grandparents. |
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Second, young individuals by nature mimic people around them, and they typically spend most of their time with their mothers and fathers. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Secondly, young individuals by nature mimic people around them, and they typically spend most of their time with their mothers and fathers. |
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So parents can deliberately behave in a certain way that embodies good character traits, and their kids are likely to learn from it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! So, parents can deliberately behave in a certain way that embodies good character traits, and their kids are likely to learn from it. |
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On the other hand, schools also play a key role in youth development. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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To facilitate a learning environment, schools have to establish a set of rules, and students are taught to strictly adhere to these rules. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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This promotes necessary characteristics of good citizenship such as self-discipline and obedience. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Furthermore, the school is a miniature society with people from various backgrounds. Furthermore, "Miniature" doesn't fit in this sentence, since it usually refers to tiny objects. Furthermore, School isn't *by definition* a miniature society. Instead, you are just trying to analogize school with society. Therefore, you should use "like". In English, we call this a simile. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simile One downside of using "like" is that it is a bit informal. So, you could rephrase this sentence to use "as" instead. |
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Through interacting with their peers and participating in teamwork activities, students can build up interpersonal skills that are vital for their future careers and generally in life. Through interacting with their peers and participating in teamwork activities, students can build up interpersonal skills that are vital for their future careers and "Generally" sounds too conversational. Through interacting with their peers and participating in teamwork activities, students can build |
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In conclusion, while parents can instill in children the basics of good behavior and become good role models, the school can teach them to obey the rules and develop collaborative social skills. This sentence has been marked as perfect! In conclusion, while parents can instill |
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Therefore, teaching children good citizenship should be a joint effort between them. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Therefore, teaching children good citizenship should be a joint effort between |
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