April 4, 2024
Please correct my writing.
Here is the URL to the bar chart.
https://zim.vn/giai-de-ielts-writing-task-1-va-task-2-ngay-18012024
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of male and female employees whose ages ranged between 60 and 64 in four nations namely Belgium, the USA, Japan and Indonesia.
Overall, there was a downward trend in the employment rate of both women and men over the given period. Notably, the figure for males was consistently higher than that for females.
The USA had the highest employment rate for men aged 60-64 in 1970, at 86%, followed closely by indonesia at 84%, then Belgium at 72%, and finally Japan at 76%. While all four countries experienced a decline over the next three decades, the ranking remained the same. Belgium saw the steepest decline (27 percentage points), while the USA's decrease was the smallest (8 percentage points).
their female counterparts’ employment rate had exactly the same ranking in 1970, but was much smaller, at 78%, 74%, 63%, and 52%. by 2000, the percentage decreased to about half in all the countries except belgiu,where a mere 8% remained employed
https://zim.vn/giai-de-ielts-writing-task-1-va-task-2-ngay-18012024
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of male and female employees whose ages ranged between 60 and 64 years-old in four nations namely Belgium, the USA. Countries represented include Belgium, United States, Japan and Indonesia.
The USAnited States had the highest employment rate for men aged 60-64 years-old in 1970, at 86%, followed closely by iIndonesia at( 84%), then Belgium at (72%), and finally Japan at 76%.Japan (76%).
While all four countries experienced a decline in unemployment over the next three decades, the ranking remained the same.
Belgium saw the steepest decline (27 percentage points%), while the USA's decrease was the smallest (8 percentage points%).
tTheir female counterparts’ employment rate had exactly the same ranking in 1970, but was much smaller, at 78%, 74%, 63%, and 52%, respectively.
byBu 2000, the percentage decreased to about half in all of the countries except bBelgiu,where a mere 8% remained employedm, which had an 8% unemployment rate.
April 5, 2024
https://service-manual.ons.gov.uk/content/numbers/percentages#:~:text=A%20percentage%20point%20is%20the,in%20a%20value%20of%209.9%25.
i read in there that "A percentage point is the difference between percentages. A value of 10% falling by 1 percentage point becomes 9% (10% has 10 percentage points). A fall of 1% would result in a value of 9.9%" so i used percentage points in Belgium saw the steepest decline (27 percentage points%), while the USA's decrease was the smallest (8 percentage points%).
is my useage correct?
Please correct my writing.
Here is the URL to the bar chart.
https://zim.vn/giai-de-ielts-writing-task-1-va-task-2-ngay-18012024
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of male and female employees whose ages ranged between 60 and 64 in four nations, namely Belgium, the USA, Japan and Indonesia.
Looking at the graph, I can see that it says Australia, not Indonesia, but I didn't correct it in case the link is wrong.
Overall, there was a downward trend in the employment rate of both women and men over the given period.
Notably, the figure for males was consistently higher than that for females.
The USA had the highest employment rate for men aged 60-64 in 1970, at 86%, followed closely by indonesia at 84%, then Belgium at 72%, and finally Japan at 76%.
You should list Japan before Belgium because it has a higher percentage.
The values here also seem different from the graph.
While all four countries experienced a decline over the next three decades, the ranking remained the same.
Belgium saw the steepest decline (27 percentage points), while the USA's decrease was the smallest (8 percentage points).
tTheir female counterparts’ employment rate had exactly the same ranking in 1970, but was much smaller, at 78%, 74%, 63%, and 52% respectively.
Saying 'respectively' makes it more clear that you are listing the percentages in the same order you mentioned each country.
bBy 2000, the percentage decreased to about half in all the countries except bBelgiu,m, where a mere 8% remained employed.
It is not clear here whether you are talking about the percentage of women or men here.
April 5, 2024
can i change the lát sentence bBy 2000, the percentage decreased to about half in all the countries except bBelgiu,m, where a mere 8% remained employed.
to thí: these percentages/figures/numbers decreased to about half in all the countries except belgiu,, where a mere 8* remained employed.
April 5, 2024
or: these percentages/numbers/figures all decreased to about half except for Belgium's, at 8%.
April 8, 2024
"These percentages/figures decreased to about half in all the countries except Belgium, where a mere 8% remained employed" is not as good as your original sentence because it doesn't mention the time. I would suggest "By 2000, the female employment rate decreased to about half in all the countries except Belgium, where a mere 8% remained employed.
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Please correct my writing. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Here is the URL to the bar chart. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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https://zim.vn/giai-de-ielts-writing-task-1-va-task-2-ngay-18012024 The bar chart illustrates the proportion of male and female employees whose ages ranged between 60 and 64 in four nations namely Belgium, the USA, Japan and Indonesia. https://zim.vn/giai-de-ielts-writing-task-1-va-task-2-ngay-18012024 Looking at the graph, I can see that it says Australia, not Indonesia, but I didn't correct it in case the link is wrong. https://zim.vn/giai-de-ielts-writing-task-1-va-task-2-ngay-18012024 |
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Overall, there was a downward trend in the employment rate of both women and men over the given period. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Notably, the figure for males was consistently higher than that for females. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The USA had the highest employment rate for men aged 60-64 in 1970, at 86%, followed closely by indonesia at 84%, then Belgium at 72%, and finally Japan at 76%. The USA had the highest employment rate for men aged 60-64 in 1970, at 86%, followed closely by indonesia at 84%, then Belgium at 72%, and finally Japan at 76%. You should list Japan before Belgium because it has a higher percentage. The values here also seem different from the graph. The U |
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While all four countries experienced a decline over the next three decades, the ranking remained the same. This sentence has been marked as perfect! While all four countries experienced a decline in unemployment over the next three decades, the ranking remained the same. |
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Belgium saw the steepest decline (27 percentage points), while the USA's decrease was the smallest (8 percentage points). This sentence has been marked as perfect! Belgium saw the steepest decline (27 |
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their female counterparts’ employment rate had exactly the same ranking in 1970, but was much smaller, at 78%, 74%, 63%, and 52%.
Saying 'respectively' makes it more clear that you are listing the percentages in the same order you mentioned each country.
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by 2000, the percentage decreased to about half in all the countries except belgiu,where a mere 8% remained employed
It is not clear here whether you are talking about the percentage of women or men here.
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