Aug. 28, 2025
PART 2 Are celebrities good role models for young people?
On the other hand, media invariably appear personalities with doubtful reputations, for instance some fringe elements or infamous radicals. Additionally, role models such as profesional bodybuilders or Hollywood superstars often create unachievable body and beauty standarts. It can lead to serious ramifications, especially among young teenagers. For instance, since 2005, the year Facebook started to gain momentum, the rate of adolescents reporting symptoms of major depression in a given year increased by 52%.
In my opinion, the disatvantages overall outweigh the advantages. Being a teenager, one is especially prone to polarized opinions and controversial world views. Except for some rare and grave cases, family members should be the ones to look up to, not random celebrities.
To draw a conclusion, although the quantity of potential role models in media might surpass the quantity of those in a family, the quality and the consequences of the former might be quite doubtful, mildly put. Therefore, I prefer the motto ''Quality over quantity''.
I aim for a formal writing style. Thanks in advance!
On the other hand, mediasocial media (also) invariably appearshows personalities with doubtfulious reputations, for instance some fringe elements or infamous radicals.
Additionally, role models such as professional bodybuilders orand Hollywood superstars often create unachievable body and beauty standartds.
ItThis can lead to serious ramifications, especially among young teenagers.
"This" more smoothly transitions from the previous sentence.
For instance, since 2005, the year Facebook started to gain momentum, the rate of adolescents reporting symptoms of major depression in a given year increased by 52%.
In my opinion, the disatdvantages overall outweigh the advantages overall.
(1) I find shifting "overall" to the end sounds more natural to me here.
(2) Instead of "advantages", I might personally use a different word like "benefits", because "advantages" also appears in "disadvantages". It's not a major issue though.
Being a teenager, one isTeenagers are especially pronsusceptible to polarizeding opinions and controversial world views.
In my experience, we will use the phrase "being ..." when referring to a specific person or group of people. Here, just "teenagers" will suffice.
Except for some rare and grave cases, family members should be the ones to look up to, not random celebrities.
To draw aIn conclusion, although the quantity of potential role models inon social media might surpass the quantity of those in a family, the quality and the consequences of following the former might be quite doubtful,ubious, to put it mildly put.
(1) Other alternatives to "in conclusion", just for your information: "to sum up", "all in all", "in a nutshell", "to conclude", etc.
(2) For social media, we'd use the preposition "on" instead.
(3) "The consequences of the potential role models on social media" doesn't really make sense. Consequences follow an action.
Therefore, I prefer the motto ''Quality over quantity''.
Aug. 29, 2025
Thank you so much for your corrections, pshedron! Especially for the explanations, they are very helpful! :)
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PART 2 Are celebrities good role models for young people? |
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To draw a conclusion, although the quantity of potential role models in media might surpass the quantity of those in a family, the quality and the consequences of the former might be quite doubtful, mildly put.
(1) Other alternatives to "in conclusion", just for your information: "to sum up", "all in all", "in a nutshell", "to conclude", etc. (2) For social media, we'd use the preposition "on" instead. (3) "The consequences of the potential role models on social media" doesn't really make sense. Consequences follow an action. |
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Therefore, I prefer the motto ''Quality over quantity''. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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On the other hand, media invariably appear personalities with doubtful reputations, for instance some fringe elements or infamous radicals. On the other hand, |
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Additionally, role models such as profesional bodybuilders or Hollywood superstars often create unachievable body and beauty standarts. Additionally, role models such as professional bodybuilders |
|
It can lead to serious ramifications, especially among young teenagers.
"This" more smoothly transitions from the previous sentence. |
|
For instance, since 2005, the year Facebook started to gain momentum, the rate of adolescents reporting symptoms of major depression in a given year increased by 52%. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
In my opinion, the disatvantages overall outweigh the advantages. In my opinion, the disa (1) I find shifting "overall" to the end sounds more natural to me here. (2) Instead of "advantages", I might personally use a different word like "benefits", because "advantages" also appears in "disadvantages". It's not a major issue though. |
|
Being a teenager, one is especially prone to polarized opinions and controversial world views.
In my experience, we will use the phrase "being ..." when referring to a specific person or group of people. Here, just "teenagers" will suffice. |
|
Except for some rare and grave cases, family members should be the ones to look up to, not random celebrities. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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