jiang_pipi's avatar
jiang_pipi

Nov. 19, 2020

0
Parents should not restrict children from using electronics

It is hard to deny that use electronic devices will do harmful to health, and such a fact may mislead impressionable people to generate the opinion that parents should limit the time that children use electronic devices. However, such a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously. As far as health, knowledge, and feasibility are concerned, I strongly hold that parents should not limit the time that children spend on electronic devices.
First and foremost, children can learn new knowledge from internet by the electronic devices, as this various knowledge won’t be taught in school. Meanwhile, the culture of internet was changed very fast, if you keep distance from internet, you will behind our time; Not to mention that children are inclined to use newest internet hot word.
Furthermore, the fact that we can get sources we need by the electronic devices indicates that electronic devices will be feasible to us. Take the case of mine, I prepared the English test. The course of off-campus is extremely expensive. So I use my cell phone and laptop to learn English course. It’s cheap and feasible. As a result, I can sit here to take English test with confidence. Had it not been for using electronic devices to prepare my English test, I would never get ready to take the English test.
Nevertheless, a voice arises that use electronic devices will be harmful to our body. Ironically, we living an electronic era at our time. The electronic devices are everywhere in our daily life, and as the fast growing of the technique, the harm of electronic devices have been diminished. Therefore, use electronic devices in a right way cannot deteriorate your health.
In a nutshell, I maintain that parents should not limit the time that children use electronic devices. Admittedly, as my favorite quote from James Madison goes, as long as the reason of man continues fallible, different opinions will be formed, and some people may oppose me. However, I believe they will compromise after being exposed to my article.

Corrections

Parents should not restrict children from using's use of electronics

What you wrote was correct, but this sounds more natural.

It is hard to deny that use electronic devices will do harmful to health, and such a factharm health, which may mislead impressionable people to generate the opinionthink that parents should limit the time that children use electronic devices.

However, such a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously.

As far as health, knowledge, and feasibility are concerned, I strongly holdbelieve that parents should not limit the time that children spend on electronic devices.

First and foremost, children can learn new knowledge from internet by the electronic devices, as this various knowledge, by using electronic devices and the internet, children can learn new skills that won’t be taught in school.

Meanwhile, the culture of the internet was changed very fast, i. If you keep distance fromdon't use the internet, you will behind ourthe time; Not to mention thats. Besides, children are always inclined to use the newest internet hot wordslang.

Furthermore, the fact that we can get sources we need by the electronic devices indicatelectronic devices are helpful because they give us access that electronic devices will be feasible to uso important information sources on the internet.

Take the case of minFor example, I prepared thefor an English test.

The course of off-campus iwas extremely expensive, so I used my cell phone and laptop to learn English.

So I use my cell phone and laptop to learn English course.

It’s cheap and feasibleconvenient.

As a result, I can sit here to take English test with confidencefelt confident and prepared for the English test.

Had it not been for using electronic devices to prepare my English test, I would never get ready to take the EnglishWithout electronic devices, I would never have been able to prepare for the test.

Nevertheless, a voice arisessome say that use electronic devices will bare harmful to our bodyies.

Ironically, we are living in an electronic era at our time.

The eElectronic devices are everywhere in our daily lifeves, and as the fir use hast growing of the technique, the harm of electronic devices have been diminishedn, they have become safer.

Therefore, use electronic devices in athe right way cannot deteriorateharm your health.

"Deteriorate" doesn't take a direct object.

In a nutshell, I maintainconclusion, I believe that parents should not limit the time that children useir children's time using electronic devices.

"In a nutshell" is a bit too informal for this context.

Admittedly, as my favorite quote from James Madison goes, a"As long as the reason of man continues fallible, different opinions will be formed, and some people may oppose me."

However, I believe they will compromise after behaving exposed to myread this article.

Feedback

Nice work! I did some rewriting for clarity. Let me know if you have any questions.

jiang_pipi's avatar
jiang_pipi

Nov. 20, 2020

0

Amazing, thank you very much. I learned a lot. I have one question, in the sentence"Electronic devices are everywhere in our daily lives , and as their use has grown, they have become safer". Is there a connotation that the technique has grown as electronic devices' use grown, otherwise I can't understand the correlation between the growing use and growing safe.

Aviva's avatar
Aviva

Nov. 23, 2020

0

I don't think my edit really changed the meaning of what you were saying – it just sounded more natural to me that way. Does that make sense?

jiang_pipi's avatar
jiang_pipi

Nov. 23, 2020

0

Yes, your modifications are very authentic. I get it now. Thank you again!

The course of off-campus is extremely expensive.


The course of off-campus iwas extremely expensive, so I used my cell phone and laptop to learn English.

Parents should not restrict children from using electronics


Parents should not restrict children from using's use of electronics

What you wrote was correct, but this sounds more natural.

It is hard to deny that use electronic devices will do harmful to health, and such a fact may mislead impressionable people to generate the opinion that parents should limit the time that children use electronic devices.


It is hard to deny that use electronic devices will do harmful to health, and such a factharm health, which may mislead impressionable people to generate the opinionthink that parents should limit the time that children use electronic devices.

However, such a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously.


However, such a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously.

As far as health, knowledge, and feasibility are concerned, I strongly hold that parents should not limit the time that children spend on electronic devices.


As far as health, knowledge, and feasibility are concerned, I strongly holdbelieve that parents should not limit the time that children spend on electronic devices.

First and foremost, children can learn new knowledge from internet by the electronic devices, as this various knowledge won’t be taught in school.


First and foremost, children can learn new knowledge from internet by the electronic devices, as this various knowledge, by using electronic devices and the internet, children can learn new skills that won’t be taught in school.

Meanwhile, the culture of internet was changed very fast, if you keep distance from internet, you will behind our time; Not to mention that children are inclined to use newest internet hot word.


Meanwhile, the culture of the internet was changed very fast, i. If you keep distance fromdon't use the internet, you will behind ourthe time; Not to mention thats. Besides, children are always inclined to use the newest internet hot wordslang.

Furthermore, the fact that we can get sources we need by the electronic devices indicates that electronic devices will be feasible to us.


Furthermore, the fact that we can get sources we need by the electronic devices indicatelectronic devices are helpful because they give us access that electronic devices will be feasible to uso important information sources on the internet.

Take the case of mine, I prepared the English test.


Take the case of minFor example, I prepared thefor an English test.

So I use my cell phone and laptop to learn English course.


So I use my cell phone and laptop to learn English course.

It’s cheap and feasible.


It’s cheap and feasibleconvenient.

As a result, I can sit here to take English test with confidence.


As a result, I can sit here to take English test with confidencefelt confident and prepared for the English test.

Had it not been for using electronic devices to prepare my English test, I would never get ready to take the English test.


Had it not been for using electronic devices to prepare my English test, I would never get ready to take the EnglishWithout electronic devices, I would never have been able to prepare for the test.

Nevertheless, a voice arises that use electronic devices will be harmful to our body.


Nevertheless, a voice arisessome say that use electronic devices will bare harmful to our bodyies.

Ironically, we living an electronic era at our time.


Ironically, we are living in an electronic era at our time.

The electronic devices are everywhere in our daily life, and as the fast growing of the technique, the harm of electronic devices have been diminished.


The eElectronic devices are everywhere in our daily lifeves, and as the fir use hast growing of the technique, the harm of electronic devices have been diminishedn, they have become safer.

Therefore, use electronic devices in a right way cannot deteriorate your health.


Therefore, use electronic devices in athe right way cannot deteriorateharm your health.

"Deteriorate" doesn't take a direct object.

In a nutshell, I maintain that parents should not limit the time that children use electronic devices.


In a nutshell, I maintainconclusion, I believe that parents should not limit the time that children useir children's time using electronic devices.

"In a nutshell" is a bit too informal for this context.

Admittedly, as my favorite quote from James Madison goes, as long as the reason of man continues fallible, different opinions will be formed, and some people may oppose me.


Admittedly, as my favorite quote from James Madison goes, a"As long as the reason of man continues fallible, different opinions will be formed, and some people may oppose me."

However, I believe they will compromise after being exposed to my article.


However, I believe they will compromise after behaving exposed to myread this article.

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