July 24, 2020
Overweight Children in Developed Countries
According to recent researches in developed countries there is a rise of obesity between children. People argue about whether we should blame the expanding fast food industry, or it is parents who should pay more attention to the health of their children. I believe that the problem has many aspects, but the main is the awareness of parents.
The growing number of fast food outlets could be a problem. If people have a habit of nourishing themselves with unhealthy food, they share these habits with their children. However, I don’t think that the fast food industry is the only to blame.
Nowadays, more and more parents buy unhealthy food in supermarkets. In a busy life of today’s society, sometimes parents don’t have enough time to prepare proper meal for their children. As a solution, children have to make do with a frozen food from supermarkets and use microwaves to heat it, which, of course, is far from being healthy and good for kids. We could see examples of this behavior in everyday life of many American families.
The key to solve the problem is a better responsibility of parents. Having more knowledge about healthy nourishment and needs of their children should be important for every parent. They also should become more concern about planning the diet for all family members, including themselves and their children.
Being a parent is a great responsibility for every man and woman, which includes many different factors. In developed countries societies, today we pay more attention how to nourish with healthy food. People become more confidential about their food habits, which allows them to develop those habits in their children.
The topic question is:
The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.
To what extent do you agree with these views?
According to recent researches in developed countries, there is a rise ofin obesity betweenamong children.
"Research" as a noun is always singular.
If you want to say that the research concerns developed countries, rather than that it took place in developed countries, you should move "in developed countries" to the end of the sentence. The two possible meanings aren't that different from each other though.
People argue about whether we should blameit is the expanding fast food industry, or it is parents who should pay more attention to the health of their childrenneglect their children's health that we should blame.
By instinct, I interpreted "whether we should blame … or …" as a unit, and this doesn't make sense given the long clause about parents. It sounds better with this rephrasing, but the part about parents is now too long, so I shortened it.
I believe that the problem has many aspects, but the main one is the awareness of parents.
I would also prefer "there are many aspects to the problem" and "parental awareness," although this is okay.
The growing number of fast food outlets could be a problem.
If people have a habit of nourishing themselves with unhealthy food, they will share these habits with their children.
You will generally need "will" in conditional if the "if" clause is in the present tense:
- http://guidetogrammar.org/grammar/conditional2.htm
- https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/conditionals-verb-tense-in-if-clauses/
In some situations though (like the sentence I just wrote), it won't sound egregiously wrong to the average native speaker though. That's because there are situations where the if-clause and the main clause can have the same tense. Ex:
- I don't know about her. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't show it.
- We can extend Foucault's analysis to this, if we approach the subject in such and such a way.
As indicated by the UNC link, I think it has to do with the exact function of "if."
However, I don’t think that only the fast food industry is the only to blame.
Nowadays, more and more parents buy unhealthy food in supermarkets.
In atheir busy life ofves in today’s society, parents sometimes parents don’t have enough time to prepare proper meals for their children.
"Sometimes" at the beginning of the sentence is fine, but here it sounds inelegant and unidiomatic. You could also fix this by moving "sometimes" to the beginning:
- Sometimes, in their busy lives in today's society, parents…"
Things that belong to multiple people on an individual basis are pluralized in English, even if each person only has one of that thing.
As a solution, children have to make do with a frozen food from supermarkets and use a microwaves to heat it, which, of course, is far from being healthy and good for kids.
We couldan see examples of this behavior in the everyday lifeves of many American families.
"Could" is too hypothetical for this context, since the connection is obvious.
The key to solveing the problem is a bettergreater parental responsibility of parents.
We don't really apply adjectives related to goodness directly to "responsibility." "Increased" would also work.
Having more knowledge aboutof healthy nourishment andeating and the needs of their children should be important forto every parent.
"Healthy eating" is more typically used, and anyway, "nourishment" already has a positive connotation, so "healthy" sounds strange with it.
They also should become more concern about planning the dieted with diet-planning for all family members, including themselves and their children.
"Become" is grammatically correct, but "be" makes more sense to me.
Being a parent is a great responsibility for every man and woman, which includes many different factorsand there are many aspects to it.
"Factors" suggests "factors for" something, or in other words, some sort of causal relationship, but that's missing here.
InToday, in the societies of developed countries societies, today, we pay more attention to how towe can nourish ourselves with healthy food.
"Nourish" generally needs a direct object, unless it's obvious from context.
People become more confidential about their food habits, which allows them to develop those habits in their children.
"Confidential" means "secret" and should not be confused with "confident."
July 25, 2020
Thanks. Great and helpful commentaries from you, as always. :)
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Overweight Children in Developing Countries |
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According to recent researches in developed countries there is a rise of obesity between children. According to recent research "Research" as a noun is always singular. If you want to say that the research concerns developed countries, rather than that it took place in developed countries, you should move "in developed countries" to the end of the sentence. The two possible meanings aren't that different from each other though. |
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People argue about whether we should blame the expanding fast food industry, or it is parents who should pay more attention to the health of their children. People argue about whether By instinct, I interpreted "whether we should blame … or …" as a unit, and this doesn't make sense given the long clause about parents. It sounds better with this rephrasing, but the part about parents is now too long, so I shortened it. |
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I believe that the problem has many aspects, but the main is the awareness of parents. I believe that the problem has many aspects, but the main one is the awareness of parents. I would also prefer "there are many aspects to the problem" and "parental awareness," although this is okay. |
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The growing number of fast food outlets could be a problem. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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If people have a habit of nourishing themselves with unhealthy food, they share these habits with their children. If people have a habit of nourishing themselves with unhealthy food, they will share these habits with their children. You will generally need "will" in conditional if the "if" clause is in the present tense: - http://guidetogrammar.org/grammar/conditional2.htm - https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/conditionals-verb-tense-in-if-clauses/ In some situations though (like the sentence I just wrote), it won't sound egregiously wrong to the average native speaker though. That's because there are situations where the if-clause and the main clause can have the same tense. Ex: - I don't know about her. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't show it. - We can extend Foucault's analysis to this, if we approach the subject in such and such a way. As indicated by the UNC link, I think it has to do with the exact function of "if." |
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However, I don’t think that the fast food industry is the only to blame. However, I don’t think that only the fast food industry is |
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Nowadays, more and more parents buy unhealthy food in supermarkets. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In a busy life of today’s society, sometimes parents don’t have enough time to prepare proper meal for their children. In "Sometimes" at the beginning of the sentence is fine, but here it sounds inelegant and unidiomatic. You could also fix this by moving "sometimes" to the beginning: - Sometimes, in their busy lives in today's society, parents…" Things that belong to multiple people on an individual basis are pluralized in English, even if each person only has one of that thing. |
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As a solution, children have to make do with a frozen food from supermarkets and use microwaves to heat it, which, of course, is far from being healthy and good for kids. As a solution, children have to make do with |
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We could see examples of this behavior in everyday life of many American families. We c "Could" is too hypothetical for this context, since the connection is obvious. |
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The key to solve the problem is a better responsibility of parents. The key to solv We don't really apply adjectives related to goodness directly to "responsibility." "Increased" would also work. |
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Having more knowledge about healthy nourishment and needs of their children should be important for every parent. Having more knowledge "Healthy eating" is more typically used, and anyway, "nourishment" already has a positive connotation, so "healthy" sounds strange with it. |
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They also should become more concern about planning the diet for all family members, including themselves and their children. They also should be "Become" is grammatically correct, but "be" makes more sense to me. |
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Being a parent is a great responsibility for every man and woman, which includes many different factors. Being a parent is a great responsibility for every man and woman, "Factors" suggests "factors for" something, or in other words, some sort of causal relationship, but that's missing here. |
|
In developed countries societies, today we pay more attention how to nourish with healthy food.
"Nourish" generally needs a direct object, unless it's obvious from context. |
|
People become more confidential about their food habits, which allows them to develop those habits in their children. People become more confident "Confidential" means "secret" and should not be confused with "confident." |
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Overweight Children in Developed Countries |
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